I’m in the unenviable position of having experienced three types of birthing. I’ve done your 40 hour labour followed by an emergency CS. I’ve done your standard vaginal delivery. I’ve done your planned CS. So, without ever really wanting it, I’m really the ‘go to’ girl for discussing which ‘method’ is ‘best’.Now, before we go on, I wholeheartedly apologise if I am about to offend anyone, that’s really not my intention. All I can do is speak about my own experiences and how they made me feel. That’s what makes the blogging world go around, after all. We’re here to speak our truth.
For me, birthing is the most primal, most all-encompassing, most living thing you ever get to do. It’s bloody horrendous, really, but in the best possible way. A bit like a running a marathon (I imagine). But you can take your ‘runners high’ and multiply it by about 1000 and that’s the high you get when you’ve worked and worked and worked and the agony of contractions finally goes away and you’re holding your prized bubba in your arms. It’s a moment that swallows you whole.
So, imagine if you never went into labour. If you went to hospital as a healthy, pregnant woman and suddenly became a patient. They wheel you in, the lights go bright, they stick a needle in your spine, you get hooked up to machines, they cut you open and pull out your bubba and… well, it’s still an impossibly amazing moment but… but.
It’s no secret that I preferred the draining, ripping, screeching agony of 40 hours of contractions only to be given an epidural and an emergency CS to the planned CS. The outcome was the same. Bright lights, let’s open her up, here’s your baby. But the labour was missing. It’s the labour that grounds you. That makes you whole and strong and invincible and able to say “I’m ready, baby. I’m ready to take on the world for you.”
And, oh, a vaginal birth. The satisfaction, the sheer relief of birthing that baby down the vaginal canal. It’s like crawling for days to reach the summit of a mountain and then being given a toboggan at the top. Sheer, blessed, outrageous joy. Every sense alive. Every nerve in your being at one with the wind.
A momentous ride and then an even bigger gift: the recovery takes days rather than weeks. You’re a new mother, not a new patient. Things just work. Even with an episotomy, even with stitches, even with the inability to sit properly. Healing is easier, breastfeeding is easier, caring for your baby is easier. Things just work.
If I was given one wish for mothers everywhere, it wouldn’t be for easy breastfeeding, or support for all or even for a sleeping baby – although all these things would be amazing. Instead, it would be for every mother to be given the luxury of experiencing labour followed by a vaginal birth.
{Image by Sarah Babineau via Life of Pix}
Oh hon… what an amazing post.
I had Le Punk in an entirelt drug-free, natural labour in the water & quite honestly, thought I was going to die. It was an unepected agony for me. I went into it with absoloutely no fear. I went into it after some calm birth classes & sessions at the birth centre where the midwives assured us that it would be ‘hard work’ but not torture (*coughs* I beg to differ!). You are right about that moment when you hold your baby for the first time though; there is relief, love, strength, power, accomplishment… but after that moment, a while later admittedly, but it still came, I said to my love; “I am never doing that again.”
Ever since finding out about bubba#2 I have been torn between looking forward to meeting him & being absoloutely terrified of labour. There is no choice for a water birth this time, I won’t know the midwife as I did last time & on top of that, I am just plain scared. I have been contemplating drugs this time around, pretending that all of my previously firmly held convictions about what I felt would be best for my baby never existed…
…but you have made me think again. I am alive. The pain that I felt does not haunt me (unless I let it!). I know there is a tremendous pay off… all I really can promise is that I will try & we’ll have to wait & see.
Thanks for this thoughtful & well written post. I loved it.
Such a beautiful post. My friend and I were talking about the horror and beauty of giving birth… even though neither of us have yet. This makes me truly look forward that day. I really hope I can have a vaginal birth 🙂 xo
3 labours and 3 C-sections for me. Even though the twins were meant to be a planned C-section after my failed VBAC with Doo Dah, I was secretly pleased that they got to choose when they were ready to come. The fact that they chose Christmas Day is another story, but at least they were ready. I would have done anything for a ‘natural’ delivery, but it wasn’t for me 🙁
It’s interesting to hear your experience.I had a c-section, after going into labour and it was the very best thing I have ever done. The thing that was most important to me was that I was present with my baby, and I felt that despite the drugs. Birthing is such a personal issue and there is so much pressure out there on women. What I wish for all women is this; to have access to the very best possible care for their pregnany, birth and post-birth experiences – unlike you I think it was actually critical that women have good post-natal care around breastfeeding, baby care, diet etc….in a perfect world, not only would women get home visits, they would also get home help around looking after baby and housework etc in those first few exhausting weeks. When you are pregnant, especially with your first baby there is such a lot of emphasis on birth (which of course is important) and so little on post-birth care for your baby and yourself. Heres I would say to every women who has a c-section through choice or otherwise; never ever, let anyone tell you that your choice is a bad one or that you didnt give birth – you did in every possible way. Trust in yourself that you chose the best option for you and your baby and know that your experience can/will be every little bit a miracle as those who choose a vaginal birth.
I have only experienced a vaginal birth, so i can’t talk from the other perspective. But i have wondered if labour is bonding? Like it’s preparing you as the mother, ok it’s time, they’re coming now. And it gives you those few hours to be “ready”
And franky a c-section scares the bajeebus out of me. I suffer needle-phobia. There is no way in hell i could ever get an epidural *shudders* and honestly, i am in awe of those who can do it. Far braver than i!
Hi Joanne – I appreciate your comment and I just wanted to emphasise that I’m taling about me, here. Not making judgements about other women’s experiences or choices. I also agree that after-care is vital. But I believe that the emphasis placed on the birth experience itself is appropriate. X
I’ve had 7 vaginal births and none any other way, so I can’t comment on the differences etc, but I can say that I felt so powerful and amazing after birthing each one of my babies, and my husband was completely staggered and awed by how strong women are.
Beautifully written post, chook!
My sister has never been in ‘real labour’ She was induced the first time and then had an emergency C-section and the second time she had a planned c-section. She says she is too scared to have a vaginal birth now, but she also said if she ever has any more kids that she wants to be able to experience being in labour. She seems to feel less like a ‘real’ mother because she did not get to experience this.
Great post.. you describe that power and exhilaration so perfectly!
I’ve had 2 VBACs (one loong labour that was pretty much painless, and one really fast which hurt like hell) and a ‘planned c-section’ (very early due to complications) and I struggle to explain that primal connection you have with a baby that is birthed with hard work and pain from your body as opposed to one (or in my case two) that were lifted from you without you even feeling it…
While I don’t think there is one ‘right’ way to birth, I can really relate to your post
I don’t have any babies yet…but I plan to have real labor. No drugs if I can help it…maybe not even in a hospital! It really depends…I just want it to be as organic and natural and special of an experince as possible
IS that picture from Pride and Prejudice?!?!
http://annawalker1992.blogspot.com/
Lovely post. I had an emergency c-section that followed a long labor and failed delivery for my first birth. My second one was natural, no drugs, a VBAC. Unlike most women, my experience with natural birth was very negative. It was a nightmare for me, for a variety of reasons.
That said, I think the labor and birth experience is very primal and beautiful and I know for most women it is a positive experience. Unlike Joanne, I took no offense to your post at all, I found it quite beautiful.
Sounds to me like you’re wanting to do it all again??? Happy for you that you have such wonderful memories…fantastic when it goes well.
Have to be honest and say for me – two vaginal and 1 c-section later that I’m not so enthusiastic about the natural option…recovery wasn’t smooth and I am having a “procedure” next week to address issues with my nether region that were a result of said natural labours….and I can tell you NO ONE blogs about those!
I think Joanna has a very valid point about focusing on the period after the birth…good for you Joanna putting your view out there!
Love the picture too…aaah love a bit of period drama!!!
I had my daughter after a 4 hour drug free labour. I could not have had a better experience. (It still hurt like hell, but it was the most intense, incredible experience ever).
I had a friend who had a baby a few weeks later by elective c-section and (I have never told anyone this) but I actually felt sorry for her, because she had missed out on the experience of labour.
But, of course I would never say that to her and I dont think it makes her any less of a mother, I just sometimes wonder why she choose that option. And if I did say anything she would rightly point out that its none of my ******* business!
for me personaly, the idea of having a needle in your spine and your stomach being sliced open scares me way more than labour..
Each to their own I guess!
And as my husband always reminds me “you do WHATEVER you can to have a healthy baby and a healthy muma at the end” ..
I had an ‘elective’ c-section with the Bug. My waters broke on their own but I didn’t get the whole contractions-screaming-carrying-on-like-a-porkchop experience. I remember it all being very white, very bright and very sterile while being very off my face on a spinal.
21 months later, I had a VBAC with the Boy. Oh how it was everything I had ever dreamed! I feel euphoric just thinking about it, and am seriously considering baby #3 just to experience it all over again. The relief after the final push is … well, there’s no words to fully describe it!
My opinion, like everyone else’s, is drawn upon my own labours. No 2 labours are the same so it’s amazing, albeit a little frustrating that women can get their hackles up at one another about it?
Love the post Bella x
I read this an admit I felt jealous. My deepest regret is not being able to deliver my babies vaginally. I know it would have been exactly as you described: “the most primal, most all-encompassing, most living thing you ever get to do”
Thank you for sharing your story. I understand exactly what you are saying. x
LOvely post! How I wished I could have had a vaginal delivery! I also believe it must be the most precious wonderful experience. I DO feel that I have missed out on something. I blame our westernized medical system who do not want to take any chances. My gyne refused to give me a VBAC because I was over 40, and because my previous delivery was an emergency C. *sigh*
Beautiful post 🙂
As you know, I had a C/S with Isobel. She was breech. I was booked in for a planned CS but my waters broke 5 days before the set date. I was so happy that I got to experience the excitement of ‘going in to’ labour.
The thing that really bothers me about the whole C/S thing is that hospitals could be doing SO much more to make it a less clinical experience. I understand that it is a serious medical procedure – we are talking major surgery but I dont understand why I had to be seperated from my NEW BORN baby for over an hour while I was in ‘recovery’.
I could go on but I wont. I really hope with all my heart that I can have a VBAC with this next Bubba x
This was a beautiful post! And I totally agree< although I havent had children myself I have witnessed births and the power a women gains from a vaginal birth….it is awe inspiring
wow – so powerful – where do you think of these idea’s! My story is a bit like this – two huge babies, both vaginal but my son was 10 pounds, and I laboured for ever! I never went into labour on my own and i don’t think my body knew how so i was induced with both…i think my son should have been a c-section but the dr wasn’t quite sure he was going to be so big, so recovery wise, it was a long process! I think we all have choices – just like breastfeeding v formula and homebirth v hospital. All birthing choices though like you said are a means to the end – holding that precious bundle and being swallowed by a big dose of love for your new baby!!
Wow, I just read not only your story but all of the comments, too. Shh, but I had both of my babies at home with a midwife. Some people think thats a crazy and selfish thing to do, but for me it worked out well both times. (of course, I had scrawny 6-lb babies, too). I have a lot of views on the birthing experience, but I’ll keep quiet or my comment will be longer than your post. Maybe some day I’ll share on my blog. Have you ever read Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin? You’d probably enjoy the birth stories recounted in that book.
I love this! So well put! As mum to one bub delivered naturally in a swift 9 hours, nothing will ever top the feeling I had after that last push and there he was in my arms! Although I must say that being 26 weeks pregnant with bub number 2 I am absolutely petrified that bub has to come out and I know this time exactly how!
Wow that post takes my breath away…beautifully written. I love this topic…I really do. Sorry, this is going to be long. As you know, I am a true believer in natural birthing. I love it. I love the idea of it. It is such a powerful all encompassing feeling if a birth experience does go to plan. It often doesn’t happen that way though. My first was no drugs, 12 hours, vaginal – had the episotomy but that gave me little grief. Recovery was swift. Was such a positive experience. Birth number 2 was not so wonderful. It all went pear shaped when I was induced 8 days over. I knew he was fine and it was unnecessary. The labour was so fast that my husband missed most of it (they sent him home overnight as it didn’t look like it was going to happen anytime soon). Contractions started, midwife didn’t believe me and well it went down hill from there. It was so fast there was no time for drugs and man I wanted them this time. The pain, the intensity, I do not wish that upon anyone. I was frightened and alone. Thankgod for Ju Ju Sundin and her birthing classes. Her techniques got me through…just. It took me a long time to recover both physically and emotionally. I had a beautiful healthy baby but the grief I felt as a result of the experience was intense. Anyway I could go on. I was petrified of c-section but now I understand why some woman make that choice. We are so fortunate to have the options available for birthing that we do. I definately would never chose a c-section for a first pregnancy unless I was advised but if I had a 3rd child I actually think I would go the c-section. I never thought I would say that. xxx
I’m with you!
No.1 . Induced in hospital (no thank you EVER again) but totally natural birth thanks to hypnobirthing and baths!
No. 2 At home, lots of time in waterpool. Head came out in pool, got stuck, shoulder dystocia, helped out by freakin amazing midwife. 10lb 11 and a half oz baby = enormous. (Don’t get me on to when the docs tell someone their 9lb baby is too big to birth!)
No probs, all good, no drugs. A little scary but i trusted my midwife with my life and she delivered. She does home births every day and had seen this many times. Knew exactly what to do and trusted in my body to help her out. It did.
I’m really more about natural birth because i just can’t ever imagine having to go to hospital to have a baby again when i can do it fine and dandy at home.
x
This post is so timely for me. I’m currently 33 weeks pregnant and have only really begun to think about labour seriously over the past few weeks.
I wish I did more research in the beginning as I assumed the private practise would be the ‘best’ (since you are paying a fortune and my GP didn’t talk about any other choice) and now I’m determined to have a natural birth without intervention and I’m alarmed at the statistics of Caesareans and Inductions at my chosen hospital.
Let’s hope the hypnotheraphy works!
12 days ago I had my 3rd lovely baby and my 3rd c-sec. The first a “failed induction”, the second I waited for a natural labour in the hope of a VBAC (induction appeared not to work for me, and I didn’t want to labour again without the vaginal delivery), and the 3rd was an elective c-sec based on what had gone before. And she surprised us by having turned in the 4 days since my OB appointment and becoming breech! (Now I know why I was particularly uncomfortable!)
I really appreciate the way you have talked about your experiences in a sensitive and empathetic manner. Sometimes I feel judged and misunderstood when I read about other people’s natural birth experiences. Truth be told it is probably just me projecting my own disappointment onto them! But I didn’t feel that way about your post.
Thanks for sharing your experiences.
No disclaimer needed. If you were going to offend anyone, it would probably be someone with my birth stories. But no offense felt.
Happy to share my stories in full with you one day, but the short version is that both of my births were supposed to be planned Caesareans with all of my specialists present, and the first one was not. At all. It was the single most horrifying experience of my life and while we all obviously made it through, I was very happy to have the checking-in-to-a-hotel, walking-down-to-theatre experience the second time. (That said, I’m no stranger to surgery so can understand how even that can be frightening for some.)
Man. Childbirth is bloody horrific. I will sit down with you and hear those stories one day, Em. x
hoo boy! I have five birthing stories, all with their own horror (except the birth of my only daughter which was magical) Five inductions, four waiting in the pre- suite while all the other mums who came in before me delivered their babies and left the delivery suite, four long, increasingly difficult and painful labours punctuated with various crises, the fifth and last punctuated by an argument with my husband mid-labour (the midwife walked in and walked straight out again) him wanting me to have a c-sec to get it over with, me arguing strenuously that i didn’t want a six week recovery period AND a baby to look after. Him being sent off to have dinner with a flea in his ear and coming back just in time to see the new baby. He May be the only man who ever got a speeding ticket going AWAY from the maternity hospital! I cried in fear EVERY TIME (when the midwife found it was my fifth labour I was crying over she laughed at me). Stitches EVERY TIME … but man, I love those kids and they are growing up into just wonderful young adults now; it was worth every moment of suffering. It is such a living, REAL thing to do – as you say Maxabella, a whole body and spirit experience and you can’t explain WHY its worth it but it 100% is. Meeting face to face that little person you have got to know over the last nine months is amazing, unforgettable. And finally holding the one that almost didn’t make it … well that is just beyond words. Thanks for a forum to gabble on, I know this is an old thread, but it just spoke to me, having just had all the kids here visiting together and in party mood … so worth it all. Bless.