An article has come out fighting in the Sydney Morning Herald claiming that teasing a redhead isn’t racist or prejudice.. You’ll note from a previous post I wrote about reds, that I can take the ginger nut biscuit jabs on the chin. You kind of have to. Years of experience have taught me that people generally don’t have any issues with redheads… they just tease us, er, because they’re jealous? Because they have unresolved childhood parental issues? Because… um.
The reason I’m writing this post isn’t really to do with redheads. It’s to do with teasing and bullying in general. Did being teased as a child / adolescent ‘toughen me up’ and ‘make me a stronger person’? Probably. But it also made me feel ugly, humiliated, ashamed, outcast, bewildered and angry. You only become tougher and stronger and funnier because you end up having to fight the demons inside as well as outside. Bullying torments kids, it always has. It cuts them deep where people can’t always see and sometimes where they can.
Does something have to be racist or prejudicing a minority group for it to be wrong? I think not.
To this day I still get ‘good natured’ teasing… How oh how can we ever teach our children that bullying is wrong if their adult role models are doing it themselves? Can a child tell the difference between calling a redhead a ranga or calling a black person a darkie? See, it’s really plain how hurtful comments can be when you put them into context like that.
My hair colour doesn’t define me any more than the colour of a person’s skin defines them.
I wish supposedly mature adults would stop making blonde jokes, redhead jokes, fat jokes, female jokes… it’s endless the way we carry on. And I wish supposedly mature adults would stop defending hurtful remarks as being ‘harmless’, ‘a bit of fun’, ‘can’t you take a joke?’ It really. isn’t. funny. I wish we could all just grow up and be the people we want our kids to be.
Maybe then our children will learn that teasing and bullying hurts people in ways they can’t imagine. Oh, please, maybe then.
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Frog, Goose and Bear says
You really are so good at putting thoughts onto paper/screen.
My mother always said “only joking only hurts”. Banned in our house! Seems such an accepted part of aussie culture though doesn’t it?!
Corinne says
I must live in a cupboard but I’d never heard the term ‘ranga’ until Julia Gillard became PM. My first reaction upon hearing it and discovering what it meant was ‘Oh, wow, not nice’. I was then informed it wasn’t supposed to be ‘nasty’, but it didn’t sit well with me.
I’m not a natural redhead, but spent many years dying my hair red (Daphne from Scooby-doo was the pinnacle of style for me as kid), and I never really ‘got’ the ginga jokes. While they were meant to be ‘good natured ribbing’ I’ve always felt there’s an element of nastiness.
Sure, I think you take the mickey out of someone, but I think using their appearance as a target is cheap, unimaginative and mean.
I think the proof that it’s offensive is that you and other redheads I know struggled with the teasing (to the point of dying their hair and vowing never to be red again, which I think is a tragedy!).
Belinda says
Great post. I know what you mean. I have to always stop myself from saying ‘ I maybe having blonde moment’
I am blonde and that’s not why I’m having that moment.
Gifts of Serendipity says
Teenagers call it ‘ripping’ when they make a disparaging/hurtful remark.
My eldest stepdaughter is a ‘strawberry blonde’ [her own definition] and although my youngest has the most gorgeous auburn hair, everyone declaims that it’s brown with copper highlights.
Whatever their hair colour they are the most gorgeous looking kids on the outside and very special people on the inside.
Needless to say, ‘ripping’ is banned in our home and we hope we are building strong ‘resilience parachutes’ for them for when they do have to pull the ‘rip cord’ in the outside world.
Another great post lovely you,
Felicity x
Erin says
I think red hair is beautiful. This is beautifully written too…
x0xJ says
You know the funny thing? Children don’t notice this stuff, hair colour, colour of the skin, they don’t notice it and see it to be “different” or “wrong” unless it’s pointed out to them, and that starts with us, the adults, the parents.
The change, it needs to start with us. We need to stop pointing out races and racial issues and just you know?
I feel like…when you are the “minority”, you need to stop and not look at yourself in that light. It goes both ways, if you don’t want your race to be pointed out or made an issue, then you need to not make it one for yourself. It’s unfair for you to say ok, i am this when it entitles me to a handout or special circumstance, but you can’t tell me i am this in a negative light. Not sure if that makes sense?
Thats just my 2 cents.
But i honestly agree with you bullying isn’t ok, and it does start with us and the example we are setting for our children. And while it may toughen us up after enduring a heck of a lot of pain, we also lose a lot in the process, we lose our love and respect for ourselves, which is damn hard to get back.
PinkPatentMaryJanes says
Teasing hurts – full stop. I know a family and their only method of communication is teasing, ‘joking’ around – you know, “Hey big nose…” kinda stuff. I didn’t understand the appeal way back when I first heard it and I still don’t. Sure, let’s celebrate our differences {you know about my deep, all-abiding love for red hair} – let’s just keep comments as compliments.
Jasmine says
I’ve been voluntarily red since I was 13 or 14 – red is gorgeous!
I got shit at school for being ‘smart’. I came from a high school where expectations were pretty high, and where attending university was a given for most of us … and when we moved interstate I ended up in a school where half the group had dropped out as soon as possible, and the rest were doing those in-school apprenticeships.
I still get really bitter about some of the teacher attitudes towards bullying. The math teacher would do these ‘pop quiz’ exercises in the last 15 minutes of our classes, not even related to math (I suspect because he was too lazy to actually plan out our classes, so he’d do them to fill time). It was just general knowledge stuff, so I’d fly through them and get 100% – and then end up sitting there listening to a heap of shit from other kids suggesting I read encylopedias for fun etc.
One day one of the other girls stood up and actually went to punch one of the guys giving me shit – this guy had been giving me grief for six months and did it in and out of class, and the teacher knew it was going on. And then when this chick goes to throw a punch at him, the teacher sends HER to detention!!
Man thinking about it still makes me want to go hunt that dick of a teacher down and kick him in the head …
Toni says
BRILLIANT post.
Maybe I think so because I’m also a redhead and have had 45 years of (mostly derogatory) comments about my hair. You’ve put everything I feel into this, so succinctly.
The whole ranga thing burns me, although I’ve found that some of my friends don’t realise that it comes from ‘orangutan’ and once they do, they agree to stop using it.
Teasing is banned at our house, too. We talk about peoples’ feelings and how not to hurt them, instead.
I hope it makes a difference for my kids.
fairchildstreet says
Teasing hurts.
Gina says
So well said! And I think red hair is gorgeous.
life in a pink fibro says
Well, you know how strongly I feel about the R word. Not funny. Not at all.
m.e (Cathie) says
well said Maxabella!
I agree with the other girls & it’s true, kids don’t notice these things until they are pointed out to them.
I don’t like things like that at home either & I don’t like hearing the word ‘fat’ at home because I really don’t want a 4.5 yr old with body issues.
bullies are just wrong!
♥
Lucy says
You are wonderful. This post is wonderful.
Teasing, of any description, irks me intensely. I have lost count of the times I have had to pull lovely husband in it.
He claims he is “only teasing, haha”. So why is no one laughing?
Only teasing only hurts.
PaisleyJade says
I love how you write – and you have such a good point! Teasing is wrong full stop.
Mrs Woog says
What they said….
BTW – My dad is a redhead, my son is a redhead and my first love was a redhead. I think they rock xo
Jacki says
I’ve never understood the vitriole that people have for redheads. Red hair is sublime! My son has red hair and everytime we leave the house WITHOUT FAIL someone stops me to tell me how gorgeous it is. But you’re right, it’s bullying and unfair for people to treat people badly because of their hair colour!
Cat says
Hear hear/here here (I never know which is right!). I was teased mercilessly as a kid, not cos of red hair but just cos, well, I was me! Other kids don’t much like self-assured, slightly bossy and pretty geeky fellow 8 to 12 year olds and I literally had not a friend in the world outside of my family. I found it really hard. I think humour based on hurting someone’s feelings is all kinds of wrong and I know I’ll be teaching the Bebito otherwise! I adore red hair by the way!
DancingInTheRain says
Very thought provoking. Especially as I have a red-headed daughter!!
Heather says
I have no patience for bullying. Unfortunately it seems to be an acceptable part of aussie culture. Look at that awful footy show for example. All the jokes are based on the expense of others due to the colour of their skin, the size of their boobs etc. Hideous show and it is allowed to air on national TV. I just don’t get it.
In regards to red heads however…I have always loved red heads since reading anne of green gables. I also have a certain fondness for the male redhead…hmmm nice. xxx
Seraphim says
The horrendous bullying I endured at school was so painful I swear I have literally blocked out years of high school. Words have huge power to wound. I hope I can teach my kids to use them wisely. GREAT POST
katepickle says
You are so spot on… I nodded my head the whole way through this and almost shouted ‘Here Here’ at he end!
Cassandra Allen says
Well said. I agree. I don’t have red hair but I do have small boobs. And that was the subject of horrendous teasing for me whilst growing up, even “joking-teasing” later in life. People can be so mean!
Kelly says
I always wanted red hair, I think it’s beautiful. I have never really understood why people make jokes about it.
I was teased at school and sometimes at home by adults in my family for different reasons. It hurt a lot, and it still affects my self esteem today.
I think you are on the right track if adults stop making stupid jokes our children have a better chance of breaking the cycle.
Tammy James says
Hi,
I love you last few posts! Before Children for years I coloured my hair various shades of red and copper and oh how gorgeous I feel if I see a glint of red when catching my reflection in a mirror somewhere if the sun is hitting me. I was bullied in a very passive aggressive way by a particular group at my all girls school, not over my hair colour though, rather its condition. Sigh.
Not a particularly constructive comment but a sharing of my experiences regarding bullying and red hair 🙂
Lulu and the Locket says
I’m with you hon, I was bullied at school and I think it just made me more defensive and a little bitter towards those people! The best thing is to move on and not hold grudges (although it is hard) and to make sure this never happens to our children! x
Posie Patchwork says
I just wonder how these children are spoken to at home, if they so freely bully at school??!! My children have been really lucky to slide past any bullying issues. So did i. Is it genetic or have i made them bullet proof?? Hmm, my psych degree has come in handy me thinks, raising 4 children to primary school un-scarred. Love Posie
Becky says
Brilliant post.Very well written and relevant, I hope people will take note of your words! I have been working on a post about intolerance, but I’ve yet to finish it.
Rachel says
Bullying is like gossip..if the adults do it the kids do it..monkey see monkey do….
ClaireyH says
I never quite understood the teasing of the reds. Maybe because we are a family of red heads. My brother would get called Blue, and my Mum would go nuts about it for years.
People spend thousands trying to get the perfect red hair colour, but if its natural, they get teased. Certainly not in the babble house.
Bron @ Baby Space says
I agree totally. You’ve expressed this so succinctly…
As most everyone else has said, there’s is no part of teasing or bullying that is ok. 100 % agree. And it starts at home for sure.
And I love this image too. I know this is not the point, but I love red hair the BEST.
(And am not-so-secretly hoping that two brunette parents including one of Asian descent can give birth to a red-haired baby one day… I’ll keep you posted!)
Flick, says
Great post. Red-head here, and I was teased as a child also. It’s strange, but my sister is 10 years younger than me, and never was teased and my daughter is 8 and has yet to hear a nasty comment about her hair… I am hoping that times have changed a little for red headed kids… but there is so much other bullying going on, I too, hope it ends one day soon!
Flick
Annette says
I’ve probably heard every blonde joke in the book. I could take a joke if people actually didn’t start believing in their own teasing. After a while, people start believing that blondes are dumb, and then you not only have to overcome teasing…you have to overcome a stereotype. Yuck! Great post!
Miss Kitty-Cat says
Like Heather, ever since I read Anne of Green Gables I wanted to be a redhead. I dyed my hair for a while but it just didn’t suit me all that well. I looked washed out without makeup. Unfortunately my natural brunette is just the way it needs to be for me.
I find picking on people for their appearance cruel and mean. Whether it’s hair colour or height or weight – it doesn’t matter. Many of the most beautiful people in the world are redheads – I say embrace it and ignore the naysayers. They are just jealous 😉
Andrea says
Excellently put! There is so much of “I’m only having a laugh” or “don’t be so up-tight” going on. People laughing ‘at’ people and not with them. Rah! There’s a lot to be said for teasers and bullys out there…but on a lighter note, red hair is just gorgeous. People pay to have their hair coloured red….just as long you don’t turn green like a pea 🙂
Glen says
A very very good point well made
Cat from Raspberry Rainbow says
Wonderfully put! I was teased incessantly as a child as I wore glasses from age 4, and a patch, and suffered for years with low confidence – yes, I got over it, but I spent YEARS being miserable, and this is not a healthy place to be. We need to teach our children to love and accept everyone – and children do, naturally – it is just adult opinion they are quoting.
And I dyed my hair RED for 13 years as I LOVE redheads, and loved being one.
Lance says
Maxabella,
Wonderfully written. And know that I very much appreciate the truthfulness with which you have written this.
Mutual respect…that’s what I’m thinking about right now…and that’s something I very much value…
Thank you for writing as honestly as you have…
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem says
BEAUTIFULLY put, hon. Well done. xxx
Aubrey S. says
You’re absolutely right. I don’t know if you watch the show, but last week on America’s Next Top Model, Tyra had the girls do a photoshoot to raise awareness about teen bullying.
The expression “sticks and stone may break my bone, but words will never hurt me” is a big lie. It’s the words that we have to overcome 10-15 years later because the taunts may still be echoing in our heads. We should raise our children to be better than that.
Katie says
I nodded my way through your post and most of the comments.
I too am a redhead and growing up I was continually told by adults how lucky I was to have such beautiful hair yet teased by my peers at school. It may not seem like a big issue to be teased about, and there are certainly more hurtful comments but any sort of teasing does hurt and it does have an impact.
I started to colour my hair as soon as I was allowed to. Mum was so disappointed. To this day I colour my hair. For a long time it was darker, now I’m trying to embrace a darker shade of my natural red.
I tell myself perhaps people are jealous but the teasing still hurts. Wonderful and very thoughtful post!
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