Hang on for a moment as we wildly steer Maxabellaland into M rated territory. It’s not quite what you think (but then, it never is, is it?)
I’ve been interested recently to see more and more shows of the How to Look Good Naked variety. I’ve never actually watched this particular programme, but I’ve seen a couple of Carson Kressleys and, of course, Trinny and Susannah have made an appearance at some stage. And I have theory. Of course I have a theory. What is life without a theory?
My theory is that I think women often turn themselves off sex.
In my experience, men don’t care how fat or thin or hairy or white or wrinkly or crumply you are. They don’t see the flaws. They’re too busy focusing on the bits that turn them on to worry about the bits that don’t. Got a good arse? That’s what they’re looking at. Pretty eyes? They can’t take their own off them to look elsewhere. Boobs? Just boobs? Utterly mesmerised.
It’s the women who are thinking ‘I don’t look good enough’ and ‘I need to lie this way so he doesn’t see that’. They’re focusing on all the negative bits that they perceive are a turn off to men so… guess what… they actually get turned off themselves!
So, how do you look good naked? You act good naked. You don’t ever talk about your body negatives to your partner, you just talk up the bits you like. I can never get over why women need to obsess over the negatives to their partners. Why does he need to know what you think of your thunder thighs or that you think your stomach is too floppy? All he needs to know is that you have the sexiest boobs / arse / ankles / ears / whatevers in the world. And you’re not afraid to use them.
Then you strut your fine stuff all over the room and you own sexy. There’s absolutely no reason why you’re not as alluring as a picture-perfect model. Sex and nakedness isn’t just about bodies, it’s about suggestion, enticement, yearning, heat, promise… we could go on. Turn onto acting like you look good naked and pretty soon you’ll find that you really, really do. A lot.
[Image*]
* Not my own arse. Mine is twice as wide… but don’t tell LOML that, right?!
Curvaceous Queen says
Himself thinks I’m a goddess and I’m more than happy to let him continue his delusion. It took a long time for me to not want to run and hide every time he told me I was beautiful or that my boobs were fabulous but our physical relationship is a continuation of our emotional relationship so you’ve just got to go with it. The thing is that when I’m with him I do feel beautiful. I know where my flaws are but I’m not going to waste time obsessing over them – life is way too short.
Melinda @ Here We Go Loopy Lou says
Great post! After just having a 3rd baby..I have more wobbly bits now and things have headed south a little more than they once were! I am just focusing on losing the baby weight to a point where I am happy and accepting, that after children and being in my 30s, I will no longer look like I did in my 20s. Life is too short to obsess over body image, just as long as you feel good and are healthy!
Anna Walker says
I love this! and it is so super true that guys don’t worry about those parts, they’re just thinking “Oh she’s naked!” seriously! 🙂
http://annawalker1992.blogspot.com/
Selina says
yep I agree, nice bit of reflection
Kirsty says
You’re a wise soul miss. x
Lauren says
The best way to increase a low libido is to have more sex. Every day. Soon you’re hooked again. Guaranteed. (And I have four children and am still breastfeeding, so I *know* about a low libido!)
erin says
i’ve been married to the same sex partner for 29 years…my advice…drink lots o wine and turn off the lights. things always look better in the dark……..
Rianna says
Yeehaa! Great post!
babygalah says
What a great post ! And completely true. As women I think we do ourselves a great injustice in only thinking about our negatives not our positives. I shall read this post several times today and then strut around the bedroom naked tonight to the complete delight of my partner !
Toni says
My husband (actually, all husbands) would thank you for this. Absolutely TRUE!
My husband says the sexiest thing about a woman (me) is what’s going on in her head.
alliecat says
I think your theory is bang on the money. Not many men are that critical of their partners bodies, they are just darned pleased to be allowed access! I have bits I don’t love, but he doesn’t seem to care so that sheds me of my naked inhibitions. We are very comfortable around each other, I’m not sure I’d feel the same if I were facing a new partner though.
Kaitlyn says
this is absolutely perfect. thank you, thank you, thank you Maxabella for posting this. 🙂 you’re spot on as always.
Gill@OurParklife says
Great post as always…Spot on about the man/woman/sex thing!
a little body confidence goes a loooong way….
We wrote about Body Love today too, Carly at We Heart Life is doing a Body Love linky this friday, check it out if you fancy it….Great cause I think and she would LOVE to have you take part!
Gill xo
Lucy says
Totally agree. I feel like an Emperor’s mistress most days. Because that is what he sees & feels….
MultipleMum says
Can’t think about my sister having sex…la,la,la…
Bettina Arnt cured my post-baby libido death. Read The Sex Diaries for a peek into the mind of men and their penises.
Jacki says
Maxabella, this is soooo true! Thanks for the reminder!
Lizeylou says
Great great post. Isn’t funny how if I see hubby naked I am like “for god sake please put some clothes on” and if he sees me anywhere near naked he is ready for action.
I love watching Gok’s show … but do often think that all of that underwear he is making people wear must get a little uncomfy at times. Anyway I agree … you have to feel good to look good!
Wynona @ ivy designs says
Love this post. It’s true. What do they say? Fake it till you make it…
LionessLady says
Wonderful post – very wise of you! After 3 babies all I see in the mirror is the saggy baggy elephant but what my husband sees is ‘hmmmm, naked lady with boobs – come here right now!’
Kelly says
I won’t be strutting across any rooms, but I’m also not hiding in the dark. I think it helps to know your partner loves your body and loves the you living in it.
life in a pink fibro says
I also have hands over ears, singing loudly to block out vision of you strutting your stuff, naked. La, la, la.
But you’re right.
Beck says
Thanks for the reminder! I think that you’re right. I’m in the unique situation where my husband and I have been with no one else, which suits me just fine- he’s got no one to compare me with! Sometimes I slip a ‘i’m a heifer’ comment out, and it’s when I’m feeling insecure in myself and want his affirmation. I need to stop that!
x0xJ says
This is 100% right!
I cannot flaw it, but only to say i am a person who struggles with control over her mind. It’s like an inner battle and i can’t shut the pessimist in my up more often than not.
But i’ve never stopped and thought about how my worries on how i’m perceived (which i’ve honestly never worried about how to lay, or anything, i just falter in being able to strut my stuff naked) are actually turning me off from my partner. Very smart!
I am very body shy. Even with my partner of 5 years who has seen me birth both my children (delivering one himself!). Strange huh? But i do struggle, even being in my knickers around him.
Emma Clark says
Everybody is posting about body image today. And it’s exactly what I need after my horrible body-image meltdown last night in which I cried like a small child for several hours. It’s funny how God works, eh? Kudos for this post!
-Emma*
Kymmie says
Hurrah! Well done! Fabulous! Love it! And after watching Eat, Pray, Love last week there’s a funny line that goes something like this (but please don’t quote me) “Have you ever been kicked out of a guy’s house because you’re too fat? Hell no, because he’s just so excited that he’s going to get some”. Good to focus on just being sexy. Because then, you are. Thanks for the reminder. x
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem says
I think you’re spot on, hon.
Having said that…I don’t feel as confident naked as I used to. When I get in to more shape, then I’ll feel better. I don’t need to be as ‘skinny’ as I was pre-kids, but I’m not as ‘healthy’ as I could be, so I feel a little self-conscious, even though I shouldn’t need to.
I’ve spoken to a few other gals my age who feel the same way, and it’s a shame isn’t it?
Kelly says
Love this post, I think you are on to something.
EmmaK says
I have always been pretty unselfconcious naked – I have never understood those women who tell me they ‘walk away from a bed backwards so the man can’t see my fat ass.’ I am not thin or anything but generally speaking I feel good naked after 1 glass of wine. Also lingerie is quite good those babydoll nightgowns always make me feel sexy and alluring.
Glen says
hmmm – not sure whether to run away or man up and add a comment and opinion from the other side of the fence…
I foolishly married a ‘woman’12 years and two babies ago and as far as I’m concerned she is sexier now than she ever was (and yes I have tried pointing this out to her) but guess what she sees when she looks in the mirror? Not the same woman I do, that’s for sure.
And you are spot on, in the cold light of day she is far too worried about bits that I never notice to be comfortable. Occasionally with exactly the right amount of Pinot Grigio, she forgets to think about it and BOING!!
Throw away the wine ladies – you don’t need it, we are there because we want you just exactly as you are. Have confidence in yourselves – confidence is sexy.
Jade says
Hello! I’m new around here and just wanted to drop in and say Hi and say I totally agree with your post. My husband wouldn’t have married me if he wasn’t attracted to my body, my self-perceived flaws and all, so if he wants to tell me my boobs and butt are looking good, then I’ll damn well accept the compliment!
erin says
hi! i am back to make a correction in my last comment…when i said “same sex Partner”, i meant i have had sex with the same man for 29 years…yikes. i should be more careful how i put things…… i have never been good with words. maybe it’s all that wine. you are great with words and i love visiting here.
erin
Mira Narnie says
love this post – where do you find the time to write such great material!! Anyhooo – after watching said Carsen Kresly strut around like he’s off to the Mardi Gras, i reckon I would pat him on the back if I had the chance, because short snippets i;ve seen of that show is all about boosting the confidence of women who only had negative thoughts about their body!
Agree with you 100% of the way – flaunt it like the girls on Sex and the City and your there! Confidence wins, truely! xx
Katie says
Great post! Why do we as women beat ourselves up about our bodies when our partners think we’re gorgeous. You’re right they don’t see the flaws we see, they see us and think she’s naked and gorgeous. My hubby is wonderful at boosting my self confidence.
I think sometimes we give ourselves such a hard time because we compare ourselves to other women. I know I do. I ask my hubby or my mum if a random girl walking down the street is thinner than me and sometimes I’m surprised by their answer. My view of myself must be distorted or they’re telling me fibs to make me feel better.
We need to love ourselves and appreciate our individual beauty. How boring would the world be if we all looked alike? I know it’s easier said than done, but as women we need to support each other and not continually compare ourselves.
Thanks for raising this issue.
Emma says
Wonderful post! So true and as multiplemum said, echoes of Bettina Arndt!
Louisa says
Absolutely agree. I have recently lost a lot of weight and my husband definitely fancies me more. However, I guarantee it isn’t my visual appearance that he finds more attractive but the fact that my confidence has massively increased and I feel more attractive. Funny isn’t it the control; we have over our own lives! x
Aubrey S. says
I concur!
Kerry says
This is the best post I’ve read all week. You are spot on!
Eastlyn and co. says
Wow, Maxabella! And to think I thought you’d only have a comment or two following this post. Another way to summarize what you’ve stated so well is “you’re only as sexy as you THINK you are so change your thinking!” I am an absolute clutz with two left feet, but think it would be great fun to take a pole dancing class women are doing “for exercise” these days. Much to all of society’s chagrin, I’m not very body-conscious at all (my sister almost had a heart attack when I discreetly breast-fed my son in the middle of the mall without first ducking under a blanket and completely covering the baby and myself). I’ve heard that ALL body types frequent nude beaches. I think I’ll add that to my list of things to do before I die. Who am I to argue with what the Hubs says is sexy to him?!