Since my How to Look Good Naked post, I’ve been thinking more about body image. You see, even though I’ve worked out the key to strutting your stuff naked in the bedroom in the presence of your loving partner, I’ve yet to discover how to strut same stuff in the public space. Hence, I won’t be taking part in Carly’s admirable, you-go-girls, love-your-attitude I Heart My Body campaign over at We Heart Life. Me doing that would be WTMI for sure. The world is not ready.
BUT.
Weirdly, with clothes on, I have always thought I look way skinnier than I actually am. Back in my mid-twenties a girlfriend and I dubbed ourselves Zanorexics. No disrespect meant to suffers of anorexia nervosa, of course. It’s just that rather than being unable to see our thinness, we were unable to see our fatness.
Fiona put our Zanorexia down to the fact that we were corporate workers who spent an inordinate amount of time at our computers… and we have skinny wrists. Looking down at our hands as we typed away made us think ‘look at those bony wrists, I’m just so skinny’.
I put it down to the fact that I have always been unbelievably optimistic to the point where I am able to block out anything negative in my life. A sort of lah, lah, lah I’m blocking my ears so it doesn’t exist type of thing. I’ve always found that flat out denial works really well for most things, up to a point.
I’ve since realised that Zanorexia has a genetic link. My Dad (hi Dad, I know you’re reading this!) is also overweight and – up to a point – oblivious to the effect on his appearance. Many men are, of course.
Now, my frequent use of ‘up to a point’ is deliberate. Even a seasoned Zanorexic like me realised a while ago that things weren’t looking good after years of chocolate abuse. But I’m talking over 20 kegs overweight before it dawned on me that ‘secret’ snacking isn’t so secret after all. That’s the power of denial, right there.
So, while I’m not exactly ready to bare my self-inflicted elephantitis to the blogosphere, I have recently made the enormous step of taking off my rose-coloured glasses long enough to give myself a hard look in a full length mirror naked.
Let’s just say that I am miraculously cured of my long-term Zanorexia and will be taking steps to get back on track immediately. If you like, you can follow my track at 40 Skinny Street where I post most Thursdays on how I’m going.
[Image by Frollein.M]
Amy xxoo says
I tried to stop being in denial with EVERYTHING a long time ago…all except one aspect of my life, and now that is really coming back to haunt me. I just didnt want to see certain signs that were there, certain things that WEREN’T there, and now its all making me feel really, really stupid and hurt…
Cate says
If you want some amazing(and positive…because any other sort should be outlawed!)inspiration, check out http://lynnsweigh.blogspot.com/
She’s just fantastic!
BabyMac says
LOVE it. So glad that there is now a name to the condition I have had for many, many years. I need to work out now that I am not actually skinny, in fact the opposite. The mirror does not lie and I need to start to sort this business out….once and for al.
Thanks for the reminder.
life in a pink fibro says
Go you! Zanorexia land is a nice place to live, but you’ll feel better when you’re a couple of kegs lighter. I’m cheering you on. And looking at losing a few myself over Summer.
cooperl788 says
I’m really great at zanorexia! It wasn’t until I went back home to my mom that she took one look at me and said, “You look really big. You need to diet – no more cookies for you!” that I could even look in the mirror and try to see what she said. I honestly couldn’t see it – as long as my clothes buttoned (even if they barely closed) I thought I was my same skinny self.
Anna Walker says
Yeahhh…I did’t think I gained that much weight, I mean it’s just a number…maybe I have, I don’t think I look super super fast, but I could stand to lose a few (a lot) of pounds. It’s sad, but I love to see bones appearing, collarbones, knuckles protruding more, when a ring is too big for one finger, and just right for the other which it could never fit on before…is this a problem? Maybe but it’s good encouragement!
http://annawalker1992.blogspot.com/
Lori @ RRSAHM says
I know this sounds bizarre, but I can never judge my own weight. I only really know I’m ‘too skinny’ now because people tell me so. when I was size 12, I didn’t feel ‘chubby’ but my friends now tell me I was (thanks a lot, girls).
I dunno if that’s good or bad or denial or healthy or what. I try not to think to much about it. And eat chocolate instead. 😉
notwavingbutironing says
I lost lots of weight in my twenties and thought I looked great, despite friends telling me otherwise. Then, at about 27, I finally sorted out my deteriorating eyesight and got contact lenses. At last! I could see birds in the distance, the detail of every leaf on the trees… and the hollows and shadows on my face. I guess the moral of the story is, if you want a positive body image, take off your specs. Wow, I’m deep.
Kristy says
I have been known to suffer from this. Because of denial I have been able to indulge in so many treats. Now I pay for it. Ugh.
Gina says
A bit from column a, a bit from column b for me. Xanorexia is definitely familiar! My weight has been up and down since high school when I really porked up. Then I skinnified but couldn’t see how skinny I got! Then I moderated… and THEN started having kids.
After number 2, I was only about five kilos over a decent sensible weight. After a year, I thought I was still at the same point (and was retaining weight because I was still breastfeeding). I finally bought some scales and it hit me that I’d gained 10 kg since giving birth!!! Sheesh. How is it we can’t actually SEE these things? I dislike scale-watching, and always have little excuses for why a few extra kgs is fine at ‘this time of life’, and never want to be body obsessed. But there is such a thing as a healthy BMI… sigh.
Mummahh says
i think ill always worry about my weight, but i have come to the conclusion of late that i dont give a rats ass what anyone else thinks of it..!
Kymmie says
I think I definitely suffer from Zanorexia. I eat like I’m still breastfeeding (and let’s face it, I stopped MONTHS ago!) and I need to stop. I think I still look good squeezing into my jeans, but the harsh reality is that I’m the biggest I’ve ever been (okay, not including pregnancies). It’s time to join your other blog methinks. xx