Have you met Dave? He works at a vacuum cleaner shop that shall of course remain… Godfreys.
I don’t like Dave. Dave sells a complimentary dose of WTF? along with his fancy vacuum accessories and frankly I’m a lot tired of his superior attitude. I get that pulling the vacuum cleaner up the stairs by the hose led to a broken hose. I understand that that’s not the way to treat a vacuum. I understand that you would never be so lazy as to haul it around in such a fashion. I get that while vacuuming is just a mild irritant in my otherwise reasonable week, it is your life and you love it dearly. But does this crime really deserve what appears to be a double life sentence in Customer Penitentiary? Please, just sell me the replacement hose and crawl back into the vacuum from whence you came.
Snooty, superior salespeople. Argh. Usually found lurking around the poorly-lit change rooms of women’s fashion stores, but surprisingly common in vacuum cleaner sales as well. They will make you feel about 2 foot tall (and ten feet wide) in seconds if you let them. What to do?
1. Remember your mantra
No, sadly, it’s not ‘the customer is always right’. That died when someone moved someone else’s cheese. Your mantra is ‘I have the money’. They have 525 units to move and you have the money. That is all you really need to know.
2. Take your business elsewhere
You’ve seen the Pretty Woman movie. Oh, are you a fan? I think females are solidly divided into those that thought Pretty Woman was a fairytale to be watched again and again and those that thought it sucked.
But I digress.
If a salesperson makes you feel like a beggar, smile sweetly and walk out the door. In this age of debt-riden consumerism, there are plenty of other places who would be very happy to see you indeed.
3. Be ready with a handy retort
Aside from saying “yeah, well, I’m dressed like this because there aren’t a lot of clothing options in jail”, you could try one of these.
They say: I don’t think we carry clothes in your size.
You respond: That’s interesting because I carry clothes in my size every single day. They are really not that heavy. Maybe you should give it a try.
They say: You should get some of this skin primer to smooth out those wrinkles before you put on this foundation.
You respond: Primer? Foundation? What, are we building me a new face? Don’t answer that…
Right, well, you get the idea.
4. Call their bluff
Most people who work in retail are lovely, helpful people. But some give off the vibe that they just stopped by for 8 hours on their way to getting a pedi. They are most likely an Actor / Dancer / Singer / Checkout Chick. If they’re totally slacking off to the detriment of your day, it’s okay to say “I would like to speak to your manager”. When they say “I am the manager”, see point 2.
5. Keep perspective
Above all else, remember that it really doesn’t matter if the lass who works at the clothes shop thinks you’re an unstylish heiffer. I know when they start using that look it’s tempting to start rabbiting on about needing to see your Stylist whom you’ll drive to in your Ferrari with your new customised Sharon-Lee eyebrows framing your face beautifully. But it’s not necessary. Purchase your goods and leave quietly. At the end of the day, you’re a mother /lover / friend / Neurosurgeon and they are that lass who works at the clothes shop.