Now, settle. I’m not talking about a mother who takes care of herself and pride in her appearance. I think we all like to think that we keep ourselves nice. I’m talking about capital Y Yummies who care about nothing except the way they and their offspring look. They half-sneer (all they can manage due to their recent ‘bowie’) at anyone who doesn’t wear heels on the school run and throw scorn at those who are less genetically and artifically blessed.
I think I’ve mentioned previously that whenever I see a Yummy Mummy I just want to stuff her into her Prada nappy bag and run over her with a Bugaboo pram. It’s not because they have coiffed nails and manicured hair. It’s not because they have prams that need regular servicing. It’s not even because their bums are so rock hard they don’t even sway when they’re running behind said pram.
No, it’s not even that.
It’s because they are so busy being Yummy that they often forget to be Mummy. Hence, at the playgroup you find yourself in charge of twenty kids while the Yummies sip herbal tea and compare spray tans. Hence, at the park you find yourself with extra kids to push on the swing, catch on the slippery dip and nose-wipe every two minutes. Hence, at the school gate you find yourself waiting patiently with extra children while Yummy is late yet again doing whatever it is that she does.
I yelp at the sight of one of them coming my way, furiously pushing her screaming baby while her iPod shuts out the world. Oh, what to do with those Yummy Mummies?
1. Don’t become the Dummy Mummy
If you find yourself idly wondering how your new friend Yummy keeps her nails and clothes looking so groomed when she has 3 kids under 4, remember this: the reason she looks so good is because other people take care of the messiness of her children. Trust me, you don’t want to become her other people so resist the urge to parent her children for her. Yes, you will feel bad that Axel has desperately been trying to get his mother to notice him for the past fifteen minutes, but not as bad as you will feel when you say ‘Yes, Axel?’ on her behalf that one time and suddenly find yourself with a new child called Axel.
2. Don’t reveal shared interests
There’s no denying that we are all a little jealous of how perfumed and pretty Yummy is. But never reveal your weakness. Even though I have been known to visit beautydressers and hairtherapists myself, I make a point of loudly proclaiming what a waste of money I think regular salon visits are. I feel no shame in being such a hypocrite, in fact I use my most booming voice. If I’m feeling particularly mean I might go on to whine that it is money that could be used to fund programs like Bear Cottage at Westmead Children’s Hospital. Those poor, underfunded children, suffering because Yummy needs french nails.
3. Dress down, baby down, down, down
A bit like our strategy for dealing with those Competitive types, you want to downplay any semblance of your own yumminess. This way you take the importance of looking photo-ready at every opportunity just right out of the equation. If you simply don’t care one jot about appearances, Yummy has nothing on you. NOTHING.
4. The ‘you have time for that?’ defense
“Oh, hi Yummy Mummy. So nice that you’ve got time to get your nails done and a weekly ‘blow out’, but some of us are too busy editing our memoirs, portrait painting for the Archibald and teaching your child to read on Friday mornings for such fripperies. Would love to stay and natter, but I’m just off to collect my OAM for services to volunteering after I stop by the Chemist for some Ural… been very busy, you know?”
5. The ultimate ‘since becoming a mummy’ defense
This is where you confess that you were the yummiest thing in town before becoming a mummy. Oh scoff, this is no lie. We were all technically yummier before the stretch-marks and jelly bellies hunted us down. Maybe not the best thing going, but in our heads we were, right?
So, Once Was Yummy, but now you are so enamored with your cherished children that trivial things like yumminess have been thrown aside like last season’s Gucci handbag. Back then you were concerned with the materialistic and the superficial, but now you’ve embraced the concept of role modelling and you don’t want your daughter or son to grow up with, shhhhh, body image issues. Now you have seen the light and are a much better and happier person for it. In fact, you are quite convinced you have found heaven on earth you are so darn happy since becoming a mummy. Just look at your beaming smile and contented eye twitch.
[Image by Suse Bauer and her fabulous Revoluzzza creations]
anna says
too true!!!
Mrs Woog says
Loved this post. Read it with a smile. Go you Yummy Mummies…
Do what works for you. If I could be assed I would do all that Maxi so wonderfully described.
But I cannot be bothered. So go fetch me a magnum. Xo
Pieni Lintu says
That is so true!!!
Sarah says
I may or may not have blogged anonymously about this at another lovely blogger’s site recently (thanks Lucy) I referred to them as “glamma mamas.” And Yes. Yes. Yes.
Curvaceous Queen says
I fail to understand the vocation, way too much effort for me, that and the whole fear of heights thing sadly prevent my inclusion.
fairchildstreet says
I am LOL and agreeing with you.
Piper + Lily says
Funny, I was just about to blog about thi but from a different angle. And um, I probably should have just left this alone because I’m sure I’m just going to set myself up for a shot to the back of the head. But! I’m a Mum that takes pride in my appearance. I wear heels regularly, I put make up on everyday, I have regular waxing & hair appointments(hmmm, when you think about it, kinda the same thing! ;)But no botox – I think I’m sill to young for that!), I watch my weight – I don’t diet but I eat healthily, I love shopping & have been known to own a few high end branded items. Hell, I just bought a Silvercross stroller(shoot me now!). I don’t say this to brag but I’m constantly called a Yummy Mummy & a MILF – by others. I don’t label myself this way. I’m not just a Mum but I’m also a woman. So you’re all saying that being like this before children is fine but once you have children you should just stop & I don’t know, ‘slum’ it(for want of a beter word!). And you know what, making assumptions based on appearance is a dangerous thing. Being classed as a ‘Yummy Mummy’ doesn’t neccessarily mean that women that have been lumped into this category are shallow & don’t give a shit about their kids. And to say that being this way will give their kids ‘body image issues’. Come on. My Mum gave me plenty of advice while I was growing up & what has always stood out amongst all the things that I’m sure you’ll all value(treat others as you’d like to be treatd, help those less fortunate than yourself, etc, etc) were these 3 things – always wear sunglasses when you’re outside so you don’t squint & get wrinkles, a bit of make up never killed anybody & tracksuit pants should never be worn in public unless you are exercising. Shit, what a bad mother she is, but hey at 68 she’s got really good skin! And yeah, I love all that flashy stuff but I still look after my kids, wipe snotty-noses, clean pooey nappies, deal with the housework, go to work, read to my kids, do activities with them. We dance & sing & play – all 3 of us wearing our tiaras with our hair done & our nails painted.
Joni Llanora says
Just in time for the start of school (my kid starts tomorrow). I agree with not making favors THAT ONE TIME, not just with yummy mummies but other mummies who think they have more important business that you. It’s a downward spiral. Warning heeded!
Naturally Carol says
Yummy on the inside beats the outside hands down. There are mummies who look like barbies and are yummy inside and out…cool. {not ever me} There are those that are ugly inside and out too..uncool always. I don’t care if you jog with your baby in a stroller wearing high heels, if you’ve a real heart…I like you.
Kymmie says
Oh, fantastic as ALWAYS. I confess I’ve been called a Yummy Mummy from time to time, but not one of THOSE mummies. There is a girl I went to school with who I see on Facebook and she definitely fits in this category. And it’s like, yes your kids are gorgeous, but what are you teaching them? Really?
Entertaining and always something to learn. Have a lovely evening. x
Life In A Pink Fibro says
PMSL. Actually, you had me at the ‘beautydresser’. But Piper + Lily makes a valid point. Just because a mummy looks yummy doesn’t mean she’s a Yummy Mummy. They’re a definite type.
Lucy says
My sweet, my coiffed nails and manicured hair are occasional, but I do indeed indulge. I am yummy. Yummy to my children. And to lovely husband. And to myself. My children call me a yummy mummy. I am pretty much positive nobody else would give me that title. With that, I am happy.
xxx
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
hahahah – i think i laughed so hard you reminded me i need to work on my pelvic floor muscles – yeah thanks a lot Bron! lovely post- ohhh i;ve seen a few yummies in my time, the ones that are disgusted in wiping their own children’s noses and walk to the park in their heel (heels, what r they!)!!! don’t get me wrong, i try and look “nice” but half way somewhere i realise one of my darlings has smeared vegemite or snot or banana into my trousers and I just shrug!
xx
MomAgain@40 says
You are sooo funny! AND you make me feel better! For being a Mummy! 😀
A Farmer's Wife says
I think Piper and Lily made a good defence of yummy mummies… Judging based on appearance cuts both ways.
I live in the country and it is all too easy to go down the slummy mummy path. I think there is a happy medium in there somewhere.
As for me – some days I manage to be a yummy mummy and some days I just manage to get through the day!
Women are sometimes their own worst enemies – it seems to be in our nature to compare ourselves with each other.
I loved this post. Apart from being hilarious it made me think.
Posie Patchwork says
I like to dress well & have always put my children in designer quality gear, i design & style things for a living, it’s what i’m about!! All these fancy prams & yummy mummy expensive options like child care (yep, when you’re a stay at home mum) weren’t around when i became a mum in the 90’s, we didn’t take babies to cafes either, we used the park, outside, where children belong!!
I was a yummy mummy with 4 children in my 20s, fit, cute, slim, glowing skin & fun, i had a genuine effortless calm about my children & my world – i was always being asked if i was the Nanny, he he, . . . but i let it slide when i hit 30 (moved interstate, gained weight & got busy with school & my home business) . . . but now i’m working on myself again.
I think it’s lady like to look nice but i don’t judge anyone who is in their house clothes at school or made less of an effort, who cares, it’s their life, i don’t know if they’re about to go home to renovate, garden, work out, jump into bed with the handy man, or they are sloths!! Ditto the ones who look a million dollars to do the groceries – they might be fighting PND & looking awesome helps their mental well being??
If there is one thing i have learned in 12 years of motherhood, mums are all very different, who knows what is REALLY going on in their mind, marriage, relationship, finances, their children . . . just like some have an amazing ability to bake, garden or perform brain surgery, some are natural beauties with effortless style, we’re all very different. There are horrible mums chugging back on cigarettes not pushing little Axel on the swing too, they’re down wind from the ones worried about being outdoors in humid/ wind/ sun/ daylight conditions juggling their $70 blow out, $5 coffee, 2 mobile phones & touching up their make up.
My sister is a yummy mummy, she has 3 children in a nice private school in Bowral, goes out for lunch with the girls & the gym, her house is perfect, but she was a ballerina, looking like this comes naturally to her, the grooming, the clothes & jewellery, it’s important to her identity. She’s also changing the readers & doing canteen duty, sleeping on the lounge in the hospital when her children are sick. We’re all different babe, to me, so long as my husband thinks i’m beautiful & my children love me, i’m pretty delicious!! I have room for improvement by my standards, but never at the expense of time with my children. Love Posie
I'm So Fancy says
Have to admit, I read this with one eye shut. Yes, of course you could call me one of them, even though I don’t socialise with them and hope I’m not actually one. If you read me, you know I can be flat out gross looking and I do wear my children’s snot and vomit. It’s very easy to throw stones, however. You can look at these women and not know what their home is like, how their marriage is, what demons are lurking under their skin. Aloof could be depressed, she could be ignoring her kid because she’s mulling over her divorce settlement! Then again, maybe she’s just an asshole. You’d have to talk to her to find out! 🙂 x
Jenna Z says
LOVE your series!! This one brought out another annoying type though (at least, annoying to me) I get annoyed by those people who say “Oh, you have time for…XYZ? You have too much time on your hands!” As if trying out a dance at the park district or spending some serious me time reading (finishing!) a book were some horrible thing. I’ve even had people say this about folding laundry and my monthly volunteering. “Oh, it must be nice to have that kind of time!” I know they’re probably just jealous they can’t get it together and budget their time wisely. But the way they look down their nose at me, as if I’m some sort of odious buffoon who just dances around all day ignoring anything except herself, it’s really irritating.
Tricia Rose says
I feel the ultra-groomed YummyMummy type is hedging her bets in case she is on the market again – but I have know some real babes who are simply born that way!
Selina says
I was standing in the kindy playground the other day and felt a huge knot in my pony tail, probably stuck together with my 1 year olds spit and breakfast, this was so not cool. Is this what you mean by dressing down?
Melinda @ Here We Go Loopy Lou says
Def not a Yummy Mummy!! Although, I have had my share of run ins!!! Most recently at the Zoo! I needed to tend to my 2 big boys in the park, so I left my very newborn baby sleeping the pram next to a bench I was clearly sitting on (seriously, like 2 metres away!). I turned around to find a group of yummy mummies and their designer dressed children with their designer lunch boxes sprawled across “my bench”. In lightening speed I add, I had my back turned for about 30 seconds (I kid you not)! I think the hormones and the fatigue kicked in, and I cracked it, as my newborn son’s pram had been pushed aside!! Nobody does that to me!!!!! Sad thing, they were too busy talking about their latest purchases and literally comparing spray tans, that they did not care in the slightest. What a sad life I thought. I was having fun playing and interacting with my children. No amount of designer clothes can make up for a self absorbed mother (or parent)!!!
Emma says
Love it!
bigwords is... says
It’s the people who dress their small children in pressed all-white outfits with matching bows in their hair. How do they keep their kids clean? How do they get their children to sit still long enough to do their hair like that and how do they have the time to match their kids outfits to their own shoes and gucci handbag?
x0xJ says
I call myself a yummy mummy, but i feel like there is more to being a true “yummy mummy” than having yur hair and nails done and always looking perfect.
I think, to me at least, to be a yummy mummy you actually have to be a mummy, be close with your kids, be laughing and happy and mucking around with them whilst doing the housework, cooking meals and managing to get out of your trackies or jammies at least 4 days a week.
That to me is a yummy mummy.
The idiots i do see with their stripper stilletto’s on pushing those ugly double decker strollers? I roll my eyes and laugh. Afterall no one is going to take you seriously when you look like that, i certainly don’t! And i think of them as trophy wives and i know that me being able to be a dag and still be the hottest thing on this planet to my SO, well thats a real relationship.
I know people who get up at 5am before their hubbies wake up to leave for work just to do their hair and makeup because they “cannot be seen without make up on” even to your husband? WTF? What a crap world to live in! I rarely bother with more than sunscreen and concealer 😐
Maxabella says
Hmmmm… despite my tongue-in-cheekiness about Yummies, this one seems to have raised a bit of a debate about ‘what is a yummy mummy?’… good or bad? I’m going to do some thinking and write another post on it. More to say. x
_vTg_ says
Ha ha ha… I am *so* not Yummy! In fact, I don’t seem to even know any Yummies- I suspect I avoid them like the gastro plague. (No, they probably avoid me) I do know gorgeous mums, but Yummies- no.
I do see plenty of Yummy aunties and nannies around…….. at least that’s what I assume they are……. 😉
Mammamusing says
I wouldn’t dare admit to aspiring to be a yummy mummy after reading that scathing attack but I really look forward to your next instalment.
One of the things that challenged me most in the early days of being a new mum was how awful I looked and feeling like there was no time to do anything about it. Catching a glimpse of myself in a shop window with hair in messy pony and clearly visible regrowth, track pants and sensible shoes while I aimlessly pushed a pram to coax my wakeful baby to sleep was not an image that made me feel good about myself at all. Yes I had the ipod plugged in too. Four hours of walking a day in a vein attempt to encourage some baby sleep was mind numbing without a little music.
Anyhoo long story short I reclaimed some time and made the effort to improve myself appearance and it did wonderful things for my well being.
Not for everyone but it was important for me.
Amelie was not hurt or neglected in my quest for yumminess 😉
Kate
Jacki says
I read your blog first thing this morning and had to come back and comment. I took my daughter to an indoor play centre today with a few friends. I thought I looked okay in a skirt and a singlet but when I got there, I was waaaay underdressed. Lots of very yummy mummies sipping lattes while I made sure their kids didn’t get stuck in the ball pit! I’ve got a long way to go before I’m happy with how I look but that’s okay! Besides, none of those other Mums had a turn on the jumping castle like I did!
Jodi Gibson says
I have mixed feelings about your post today. In one sense I understand your intention and realise it is a bit tongue in cheek, but it is the judgment of others that doesn’t sit well with me.
We are human, and we are all different, and all individuals. We all make our own choices based on what we know and what is happening in our lives.
No doubt there are some Yummy Mummies with attitudes as you mention, but there are also, for lack of a better word, normal mummies with attitude too.
If you don’t like/agree with the way someone acts or looks, the best thing is to stay away from them, not judge.
Myself, I take pride in the way myself and my children look. I dress up sometimes, and dress down sometimes – I dress how I feel. Not for judgment of others. I am happy and confident in my choices which should be the main factor in everything we do. I try to be a good, friendly person, a good mum, a good wife, friend, community person. I have my own values and morals, as we all do. What is important to me, may not be to another, and vice versa.
There are extremes in life, it is what makes us human. We should celebrate our individuality and look at the person within, no matter if they are a Yummy Mummy, a slummy mummy, or whatever term that we as mums are classified into! (We are our own worst enemies).
It is great to read all the comments and if anything, well done on a provocative post 😉
Cat says
An interesting piece sweet. I like that there are so many divergent views on this. I think it’s a matter of the judgement that comes from some of the supremely perfectly groomed types that you’re talking about here and I know I’ve felt that before more than once – in high school and now that I’m in Mama-land. I try hard to look good and present myself well but I certainly am not the manicured type – I wasn’t before I had the Bebito either. I don’t judge people who are perfectly groomed and nor do I like to be judged back. For me, I like to reserve babysitting for times like going out for dinner with my Mr or work purposes and the rest of my life is prioritised in a way that prettying myself up isn’t at the top of the list. You make time for what’s important to you is my theory and I guess it just isn’t that important to me.
Tanya says
A very brave post. I think I understand what you were trying to express. When I was a mum in the early 90s I remember getting stuck at playgroup with another mother co-ordinating and supervising the activities while the others made coffees and gossiped. Now I am supremely irked that mothers no longer seem to be at playgroups but at cafes WITH children AND their toys AND their 1 tonne of associated paraphenalia AND expect me to smile indulgently and admiringly at their new age anything goes “child-centric” universe as my peace and coffee is made into a very ordinary experience.
myshoeboxlife.com says
What a great post! And it has me thinking about my own perceptions of what a Yummy Mummy is. The only thing that irks me is when another mother tries to compete with me, especially when it comes to things like personal grooming, clothing and exercise. Are they classed as a Yummy Mummy? Yes, from the outside, based on the way they look, but if they have to use me to make them feel good about themselves, then that makes me yummier. Ha ha!! xx
myshoeboxlife.com says
What a great post! And it has me thinking about my own perceptions of what a Yummy Mummy is. The only thing that irks me is when another mother tries to compete with me, especially when it comes to things like personal grooming, clothing and exercise. Are they classed as a Yummy Mummy? Yes, from the outside, based on the way they look, but if they have to use me to make them feel good about themselves, then that makes me yummier. Ha ha!! xx
Being Me says
Really enjoyed this 🙂 It doesn’t matter to me if someone is dressed to the hilt on kinder/school run, it’s how they are and how they interact (which is also reflected in how their children interact with their peers, I am finding). The yummiest mums can be the nicest, I’ve found… looking like Plain Jane doesn’t necessarily mean all bad, either, in my books by a long shot. But they can also be the complete opposite – to me, it comes down to how they treat others. Those who have clearly put themselves on a pedestal or are either dismissive before they even get to know other mums or are too willing to judge a book by its cover are the ones I tend to avoid.. Just couldn’t be bothered wasting the energy on forging a friendship/alliance/allegiance!
Lizeylou says
What a topic … I too have been left at the park looking after other peoples kids, it often happens to me at the playcentre too. I have seen mummies who would fall into this category of Yummy Mummy and sometimes I envy them and sometimes I just wonder where they find the time, or how they can be bothered. Isn’t it interesting …. Do some people think being a yummy mummy is someone who dresses well and cares about their appearance or is being a yummy mummy someone who takes that to the next level??? Some days I think I have done well to get all of us dressed and out the door without wearing half of our breakfast … each to their own I suppose. For the record – I loved your post (as always!)
Megan Leslianne says
I consider the Yummy Mummy thing as an attitude thing not an appearance thing.
Some women without children dress finely every day, some dress casual every day, some do a mixture of both. I believe that if a woman who dressed finely pre-children dresses finely post-children she is NOT a Yummy Mummy. She is simply being herself and refusing to change her style just because she is now a mother.
A Yummy Mummy, to me, is someone who views herself as superior to other mothers for whatever reason. She’s slimmer, she’s more fashionable, she’s richer, she’s more popular, her kids are more attractive, etc. Someone who takes pride in their appearance isn’t a Yummy Mummy. Someone who considers themselves superior either in lifestyle or fashion is.
Heather says
I am always so late in responding! Sometimes I think I am yummy and sometimes I’m not. For a long time when the kids were really little I didn’t care about myself. I put myself last. Now I am enjoying buying myself some new clothes, moisturising my skin (I was pretty bad!!) and caring about myself more. I really admire a woman who is proud of who she is and is not afraid to stand out and look different. If that means you look ‘yummy’ well I think that is wonderful. As women I think we should support each other more rather than be quick to judge. xxx
Maxabella says
Megan, I think you’ve nailed my thinking. THAT’s what I think a “yummy mummy” type is. EXACTLY that. To me “yummy mummy” has always been a media expression anyway. I didn’t actually think that mothers identified with being called a “yummy mummy” in the real world… but I was obviously wrong! So, what they think “yummy mummy” means (ie, a mother who takes care of her appearance) is rather different to my own interpretation (ie, woman who thinks she’s superior to other women who just happens to have children). x
Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' says
Wowee.
Where to start?
First of all, fantastic post, you always get people THINKING, & isn’t that just great?! Not all of us have to necessarily agree, the fact that you get people coming here & THINKING is wonderful 🙂
So where do I stand on this?
I’m not really sure. I’m too young in my Mummy’ing career to have bear witness to so many of the issues you discussed in both posts. I haven’t had to pull favours while women go off & get their hair, or nails done. But I know I wouldn’t be ok with that. At all.
I don’t have a problem with Mothers who just so happen to look good post babies, & I know you don’t either.
Like you, my problem would be the with the attitude more than the appearance.
I Mum from the heart, & to be honest. I’m not that attractive most of the time. But my insides are incredibly attractive.
I don’t take a huge amount of pride in my appearance. And that used to make me feel a little ashamed. I used to wish I was one of those women who prioritised 6 weekly trips to the hair salon to remove split ends, or could be bothered have their nails done however regularly you do that. And I used to envy women who were naturally good with doing their hair & makeup.
I’m not.
I don’t wear makeup Monday to Friday, & sometimes, all weekend.
But as a result, I feel REALLY special when I do 🙂
And I wear leggings & oversized jumpers through the week. Because I’m REALLY daggy like that. And I have no problem leaving the house like that, because like I said, I don’t have a huge amount of pride in my appearance. It just doesn’t come naturally to me.
But you know what? I feel extra special when I DO make an effort & wear a dress & heels.
I would never judge a ‘beautiful looking’ Mum, but I probably wouldn’t entertain a friendship with someone who prioritises their & their children’s appearances over everything else.
Because, based on what I have described above about myself, well … we just wouldn’t have anything in common.
In fact, they would probably be embarrassed to be seen out in public with me 99.9% of the time 🙂
Love this post. Got me thinking.
Sorry for the epic long nature of my comment, but like I said, you got me thinking. And then writing 🙂
xx