So, I’m the fairy.
I realised this because LOML has been making our dinner every night for the past four weeks. He cooks lavish low-fat meals that are special every single night. He plans the meals, buys the groceries and puts the whole thing together without fanfare or complaint.
Now, prior to this he had cooked me dinner approximately two times* and both times the meal featured prawns. Prawns are pretty much the one thing I won’t eat (yick) so the fact that he produced a prawn dish two times reveals just how long it was between meals. Long enough to forget, that’s how long.
I tell you this because it has recently occurred to me that prior to the big diet change, his hidden culinary talents (and it turns out there is lots of talent there) were never called upon. He didn’t cook simply because I always did.
In the same way, he knows how to clean, but doesn’t do it because I always do it. He does do the dishes, the laundry and the ironing (oh yes!), but the rest is left for the cleaning fairy. It’s a truth universally acknowledged that a woman will always clean first and clean well. After that, there’s nothing to clean.
He is probably more than capable of organising the kids’ parties, buying the presents, arranging the playdates and packing the school bags as well. But I wouldn’t really know because I’ve never asked him to step in and do those things. It seems I’d rather just whinge occasionally about the burden of domestic thought and get on with it myself.
Whether we acknowledge it or not, we always make our choices.
Every Thursday we go to my parents-in-law for dinner. They make us a beautiful Italian meal and we chat and laugh about the kids and have a lovely time. Then we leave.
Back in the day I used to make an attempt to clear the table and do the dishes, but my MIL always brushed me away: “I’ll do that”. I remember feeling terribly guilty when she first did this years ago, I was happy to help and confused as to why she didn’t want me. Time passed and my offers of help became more and more half-hearted. These days I don’t even bother to get out of my chair.
She’ll do that.
You see?
* Note that the ‘Meals LOML Has Cooked’ tally does not include bacon and eggs, omelettes or baked beans on toast.
[Image by Vivienne Love]
Posie Patchwork says
I’ve spent much of my married life on my own, so i’ve always done everything – bins, cleaning, laundry, school lunches, gifts, parties – i’ve even become quite reliable at topping up engine oil, whipper snipping & mowing lawns. I stop short at gutters as i can imagine the police finding me in a tangled mess in a bush in the garden (good excuse).
BUT when my husband is home, he cooks all the meals, oh, it’s wonderful, flavour is invovled, it’s magic. That makes up for me doing everything else. I like housework, i’m not ashamed, it’s great exercise & well, done the way i like it. Love Posie
Felicity says
What great role models you both are for your children.
They would see you working as a team vs this is ‘my’ job/role, this is ‘yours’.
xx Felicity
Salamander says
I am the first to admit I’m an anal-retent. I do the majority of the cleaning because there’s a certain way I like things to be done. It’s not that my hubby hasn’t offered, it’s just that I’ll sometimes (often) have to re-do a job to “complete” it (eg. if he washes the dishes, I always have to go back and do the pot he forgot, re-scrub the pot that is still dirty, and wipe the bench…every single time!!!!!)
But it’s fact that he offered, or did the job, that matters. I suppose there’s a lot of pride involved in keeping the house when you’re not a financially-contributing member of the household. He goes out and earns the money – I stay home and look after things. And this way, we take care of each other. (And he never gripes when my fairy-wand spends more time at a Tupperware party than cleaning the house – even if he doesn’t wipe the bench, he’s a gem!!!)
Life In A Pink Fibro says
I hear you on this.
Kelly says
ummm, good point there!
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
oh how cute!! i have a MIL much like yours who waves me away and does the dishes after her lavish three course italian feast…lucky you – you get that every week!
My husband is a bit OCD on the cleanliness state of the home, which can be good (and bad) – good in that he’ll clean without being asked (some things i need to re-do) but then it can get to the point where he is so fastitious it drives me nuts. But it’s cute, we have our set chores, and we just accept that that is the way it is….so both of us are kind of cleaning fairies in a way!
xx
Cate says
Over the years hubby’s jobs have whittled down to putting out and bringing in the bins (not putting the rubbish *in* them – I do that).
Tonight he just thought he’d check before he trotted down the driveway if I had brought in the bins? Um, no – that’s not my job… I have finally drawn a line! yay me! *Not* the bin fairy!!
xxxCate
Kymmie says
I love this post Bron! I think that my husband relies on the fact that I’ll get to it first. But on days where I just don’t, he’s busy picking up where I left off. The meals use to be 50/50 before the little lads were born as we both had pretty big jobs. But now the cooking seems to fall to me mostly. But perhaps I should just leave it long enough and see what happens! (And what fabulous in-laws you have – I have a set of those!) Aren’t they wonderful? xx
MomAgain@40 says
You are right! It is a choice to become the cleaning fairy 🙂 I choose sometimes to not start too eagerly with dinner/etc., and then Hubby steps in most of the times…
I also do not help with cleaning up visiting other people, because I never expect them to clean up at our home. I want to be included in the dialogue, not “cleaning”. So I never feel guilty!
MultipleMum says
I have been trying to tell you this for years! You gotta let them in x
Tas says
Hubby can cook but I take it on nearly all the time as it is my role (and choice) to be homemaker when he is out of the home 40+ hours per week. But I do request that he be seen in the kitchen occasionally so that our kids KNOW that men can actualy cook lol. He actually cooks (and cooks something special) for our Friday night date night because I jut can’t be bothered after cooking for 3 fussy children 6 days of the week. He consults me, goes shopping, cooks up something snazzy (usually while I be kitchen help or even knit) so I am pretty happy with that. Cleaning…I get what you mean. I just haven’t thought about it much.
Sarah says
Oh wow. Same scenario here when we visit the Polish in-laws for dinner. Do you know I have never actually been in her kitchen? More accurately I have never been allowed. I am always shoo’ed out. I might try harder to squeak past mil next time.
Lucy says
Lovely husband can, and does, when required. But my fingers itch to do it my way. I am (as I just andmitted over at the Fibro) an over-planner. Lovely husband meanders. I like it done yesterday.
Therein lies my problem….
Tricia Rose says
There is hope – my husband gave me a Serious Talk on Sunday that I am working too hard (he referred to the horse in Gone with the Wind), and after a bit of negotiation we agreed he will make lunch (we both work from home) and do the shopping.
Hallelujah! after FORTY-TWO YEARS.
therhythmmethod says
I used to have this problem, but now we just get on with it and we probably end up doing about the same amount. He has “boys eyes” (inability to see detail), so I try to do the jobs that are fiddly. And we try to make the kids clean up toys before they sit down for a bit of telly at the end of the day: if I help too, it takes 5 mins. If I don’t help, they faff around and don’t do it.
Lou says
Hmnnnnn, very good point well made.
Lizeylou says
I think we have been living the same life … love this post – thanks once again x
Penny says
Well I am impressed at LOML. Wonder if my hubby could do the same? He can only do bacon and eggs! Guess the only way is to try him
My MIL is the same. We lived there for a while and I NEVER cleaned a dish. Embarrassed at first then got used to it.
Simoney says
Hi Ms Maxabella… two of my bloggy friends have been raving about you. They told me all about your comment form request. And your Blog table types. I changed my comment form first and then I found your blog… and after having a good read through a bunch of posts i am thinking it will quickly become a favourite read. I love the look of it – visual gorgeousness is high on my list. And I am a fan of great writing. You have plenty to say and a gerat way of saying it. So you see. I’m now your newest fan. So thought I’d better say hi and introduce myself. Simone. from Auckland NZ. Pleased to meet you ♥
joanna says
so true, so true. Everything changes when children arrive and one of the things they NEVER tell you in those pregnancy classes is that your role will not only be mother but also cleaner/cook/finder/holder of domestic thought…even if your partner is perfectly capable. Wish I had in-laws like yours, at my MIL’S, we not only wash up but also bring the meal!!
Alice Becomes says
clever concluding paragraph! now i get it…
the cleaning fairy has been MIA at our place lately, if you see her please send her back over our way soon, we need her!
Gill xo
Alisa says
Hi Maxabella,
So lovely to meet you too! Thank you for leaving such a lovely comment on my site with your link. So here I am checking out your blog, and loving it!! And how I laughed when I saw your cleaning fairy posts, especially since the cleaning fairy around here outed herself by doing a rather large tantie only this morning. : )
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem says
So, so true. Both my husband and I are the by-product of parents who did too much for us.
Now I’m a parent myself though, whenever I visit my parents I do something for them. Clean their bathroom, kitchen…whatever. All those years I had a lie down on the couch after dinner whilst they washed up. Sheesh!
Oh, BTW – my friend put me off prawns for a while when she referred to them as ‘the cockroaches of the ocean’. Then again, she *is* vegetarian. 😉
Jane George says
ooo makes me think….just off to write a list for hubby! lol x