Yeah, so The Badoo still has a “dummer”. The only thing dummer than the dummer in this house is the parents for letting their three year old continue the habit. The rule is that it’s for bedtime only, but the reality is that the bloody thing is hanging out of her mouth more often than not. She really, really loves it.
She asked for dummers for her birthday. Aside from nail polish and shoes and world peace, that’s all she wanted. Who could resist?
Well, probably 99% of the good parents out there, but secretly I can’t really see the harm. There’s the teeth thing, of course, but she already has an overbite on her that could rival Freddie Mercury‘s, so I think the dental damage is done. Really, unless you’re going to wean your very young baby off the dummy (or, of course, never give it to them in the first place – heelllllo first baby!), it’s just a fact of life that you’re going to be buying them braces at some point.
Maxi-Taxi never took a dummy. This was mainly because back before I knew what I was getting myself into with this whole parenting gig, I was adamant that no child of mine was going to have a dummy. I’m not exactly sure why, but I just knew dummies were ‘bad’ and parenting without them was ‘good’. By the time I woke up to myself he was six weeks old and not having a bar of it. I spent ridiculous amounts of time popping the dummy in and watching it instantly pop back out – he was like the world’s kindest poker machine. For the record, the kid took three months to learn how to breastfeed and then wouldn’t ever take a bottle, so maybe he was just annoying in general.
Needless to say, Cappers was plugged before we even left the delivery room. “What’re you lookin’ at,” I recall growling at the disapproving midwife (I later blamed my rudeness on the post-birth drugs, but we all know that was a lie). Cappers, who is of course the self-raising baby, spat the dummy out at about 4 months old and that was the end of that.
And then along came The Badoo. Grumpy. Third Born. Addict.
The only time it really drives me crazy is when she talks with it in.
“Urg wruf moo gun,” she says.
“I love you too, don’t talk with your dummy in!”
She has this trick where she twists the dummy around and around using her tongue. You’d swear you can hear the faint sounds of carnival music while she does it. Da da dah dah dah dah da da dah dah. Roll up, roll up and see the fantastical, the magical, the amaaaaaaazing three year old Freddie Mercury lookalike!
Cracks me up every time.
Anyway.
I know it’s bad, but we’re not even close to working our way free of this dummy vice. She likes it, it gives her comfort… where’s the harm I say. Should I feel guilty about that?
[Image of the Pacifier Tree – where kids go to hang their dummies when they’ve finished with them (unfortunately all the way over in Sweden which seems a little far for The Badoo to travel) – by Camilla Engman – cool blog by the way!]
Toni says
She’ll quit it eventually. Pick the battles you need to fight, and leave the rest alone, I say.
Vicki says
Ive found your blog through the kidspot thingy, but this is my first time posting. My first born loved the dummy until she was around three and promptly declared “Im a big girl now, I dont need a dummy anymore”. All in their own good time I say.
Vicki
therhythmmethod says
You shouldn’t feel guilty, but I know it would annoy the crumbs out of me. I love to see their face and hear their words, and the dummy (or The Plug, as it’s called in our house) is something I can only tolerate for so long.
I don’t know how you deal with this one. Especially as it comes with such a cheerful circus soundtrack. It will probably just get sorted out when she heads off to pre-school?
ClaireyH says
If it wasn’t for the dentist totally freaking out about Popps’ palate and showing me the damage when she was three and a half I would never have gone through the trauma of getting rid of it either.
Two years later and she sometimes still cries for them, inconsolable sobbing. The very very odd time I have given her one(the one the second child would not take) she has nearly cried with joy.
Teeth damage can be fixed, roof palate can not.
But I do find it crappy that my second child who,sucks her fingers and has a blanket wont have to have something she so loves taken off her and made to go cold turkey. There are few things you control at three, but dummy comfort sucking is one of them. Having it ripped away just cos Mum says so, must make for a shitty few days.
Lynley says
We told our soon-to-be three year old that when he turned three he would be too old for the dummy and it would Have To Go. He refused to have his birthday; refused cake, presents and party to keep his dummy. We agonised and then caved …. and he completely lost interest in his dummy forever eight months later. Kids are cruel.
Jane says
Okay, so I really detest dummies (don’t swat me please!!). I just can’t see the point (as ClaireyH has pointed out) in giving a child something that is to be taken away later on. Neither of my children have been thumb suckers either. They both have a little soft toy that they take to bed and they will give this up when they are ready. I just hate the look of a dummy in a child’s mouth.
You have it worked out – you’ll sort it when you feel the need. Don’t stress about it.
Notchka says
Another post so funny I made the Huz mute the TV and I read it to him. Being an idealistic first timer, I was never ‘pro’ dummy but we got a couple as a baby shower gift and I think we held out until day 3…the rest, as they say is history.
Frankly I’m clinging to some study I read about (or maybe its just my fertile imagination) that dummy suckers give up of their own accord before the milk teeth all fall out – its the thumb suckers you have to worry about. You have a few years up your sleeve.
Oh and my one’s party trick is to cram 3 in at once – it’s pretty impressive.
A Farmer's Wife says
Farmgirl still has a dummy. Only at night. Whenever we have discussed getting rid of it she hides every single one she can find.
Farmboy wouldn’t take one. He would literally spit it out after 3 sucks. (And believe me I tried to force that thing in).
We are going for the gradual phase out and the dummy gets removed from Farmgirl during the day and in the car unless she is unwell. We have to be careful though as she now stashes one in the car!
Interestingly we can take it out after she falls asleep and she won’t wake up. So she probably only has it for 15-20 minutes a day. Like you, I think there are worse things.
Kellie says
My first didn’t want a bar of the dummy until she self weaned off the boob at 6 months. Up until that point she was using me for comfort, ouch.
We threw it in the bin on her 2nd birthday, she was a Big Girl and didn’t need it anymore. Kept a spare of course, but she only asked for it once.
My son is now almost one, and he has a dummy too. He is only meant to have it for sleep, but his sister is an enabler and gives it to him all the time. I tell her to take it off him, but she says “He isn’t a Big Boy yet Mum, he’s just a baby”.
Can’t argue with that logic!
They’ll drop it when they’re ready, and if it means they can pop it back in themselves at 3am who am I to disagree!
Miss Pink says
Laughed the whole.way.through.
Bluey didn’t have a dummy, until I returned to work when he was 3 months old. Mr Black gave him one at his mothers advice. It caused so many sleeping issues. It didn’t help AT ALL. He would wake constantly because the thing fell out of his mouth or out of the cot. Stupid thing did my head in and I was so happy when at 18months old I finally managed to get rid of the things.
This of course was my easy baby.
I vowed then that none of my future kids would have one.
Greenie was not even offered a dummy. Granted this meant he spent two thirds of his first year with my boob in his mouth. It was hard. Sometimes I wanted him to have it but i’m stubborn. I never gave in.
I completely understand why parents do though.
Samelia's Mum says
Both of my kids have been dummy suckers. My son gave it up surprisingly easily when he was about 2.5. One of my friends had had a baby, so we wrote the baby a letter, popped in his dummy and he physically put it in the mail box and sent it away – and that was that.
Miss 3 (4 in a few months) still sucks on her dummy and won’t give it up as easily. We only have it for sleep time, but she does the twirling thing too – or she sometimes puts her lower lip over the outer plastic bit… because she knows it annoys me. Plus she talks with it in her mouth. It’s like you just blogged about my daughter.
I asked her why she likes to suck on it so much… and she told me because it tastes like strawberries. Go figure!
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
ok i’m so totally joining the dummy parenting club and ditto on the first born not having a bar of it (coz i didnt let him) – so now we have a nearly three year old that loves them to bits. took the kids to the dentist a few days ago – was told in no uncertain terms, her teeth don’t touch – get rid of the dummies. it’s on the agenda for when we return from overseas. like you, i hate her talking with them in, and she has a bad habit of chewing them like tabacco. my little one, has to sleep with three, one in the mouth and the other two she holds on to and strokes her cheek – she loves them. oh dummy fairy where are you????? good luck xx
Jodi @ The Scribble Den says
None of mine had dummies but not for lack of trying! Especially with the first, she was a screamer. I tried and tried to get her to take the dummy but to no avail.
I guess after the first six months of screaming I am happy now that she didn’t and we didn’t need to wean.
She’ll leave it when she is ready, or you could try the dummy fairy!
PS. I reckon you should YouTube her dummy trick – viral success! LOL
Ms Styling You says
Guilt is a wasted emotion. She won’t take the dummy to school. My youngest wouldn’t have bar of the dummy. He came out sucking his thumb and continued until first week of school, when he declared that his “brain had told him to stop”. And yes, have started saving for the ortho bill!
Fox in the City says
Ah my Little Miss was addicted to her soothers as well. When she got home from day care she was great them with a “Hello sooders”. She even told her teachers at school that she loved her soothers.
When she was about 2.5 we finally got rid of them because they were costing us a fortune. She had taken to hanging them out of the side of her mouth like a cigar. This resulted in them being bitten through and thus a choking hasard. So it was bye-bye soothers.
Jenn
Adriana says
I loved reading this!
Our boy loved his ‘dum-dums’.
I didn’t mind it. It kept him happy.
And always seemed to calm him when he was tired. But I hated that we got disapproving looks from other parents.
Those ‘perfect’ parents.
You know the ones I mean.
When he was about 3 we figured it was time to get rid of it though, and I worried for ages about how he’d cope.
In the end, we let him choose a special toy from a catalogue.
It was his reward for giving up his dummy. It actually worked out to be much easier than I’d thought it would be.
Don’t feel guilty!
As you said – where’s the harm?
Kristy says
I know I am very, very lucky in that my son refused to take one starting at 3 months old. So, I didn’t have to deal with that. I just know that if he was addicted to it, I would have a really hard time justifying taking it away! I don’t fault you or judge you for it at all. Mother’s do what feels right in their hearts, and that’s what’s right!
Mrs Average says
With Master A as the first born, I thought “no child of mine will have a dummy”. But then he slept well, ate well and was the perfect child. Let us fast forward two years to when Missy A came along. A different child and a few weeks in she was plugged up! After about three months we managed to get her out of the habit of having it during the day. She only has it when having a sleep now and I figure that when she is older, she will just kick the habit when she is good and ready (is that lazy parenting – well if it is I hold my hands up).
Incidently I found out at nursery the other day that she hasnt had her dummy at sleep time for months!?
Quill and Ink Handmade says
Can totally identify with this post, Maxabella – Judah was obsessed with his dummies (three at bedtime), and heaven forbid if one of them ever got lost…!
I really wanted his ‘habit’ to be broken by him – but had no idea how to do it. And then a sweet baby girl was born into our close circle of friends, and I saw a great opportunity. I had a long discussion with him one afternoon about new babies and what they need; I told Judah that small babies need dummies to help them sleep. He thought very carefully before asking me if baby Mim had a dummy for sleep time – to which I replied that she didn’t yet, but that her Mummy and Daddy would love to give her one.
He trotted off, found his dummy cache, and bought it to me – offering his sleep dummies for his newborn friend. And even though I felt a teensy bit manipulative, I was so proud of him – he really does have a generous heart.
He did ask for them a couple of times; but when I’d remind him that they were with Mim, he’d be content enough to sleep without them.
I guess it comes down to when they’re ready though – if Judah would have cried and been upset at the thought of being without them, I wouldn’t have followed through and gotten rid of them. I’m sure your Badoo will be great at handing them over when she’s ready!
And it’s the last of the baby phases – sometimes it’s nice to hang on just a wee while longer…
x
Jane@flightplatformliving says
oh you do crack me up!! i love the idea of the carnival music! i took my kids t a children’s farm this year and the pig sty had a rope hanging over it with hundreds of dummies attatched. nowhere near as pretty as your picture, these had all turned brown and were covered in substances that i couldnt quite identify! mmmmmm nice, enough to make anybody give up the habit! x
Amy xxoo says
I’m trying to wean my 18 month old son off his “binky “… thankfully he’s doing ok with it. Its now only for bedtimes, and if he does ask for it during the day i tell him he doesnt need it, he’s a big boy, and just dont give it to him.
Sometimes he chucks a patty and crys and sooks – ” Ont a binky ! ” – but so far i havent caved!
Squiggly Rainbow says
My Miss G who is now almost 12, bright as a button, has lovely teeth – had her’s until she was 4. We had tried earlier, but really, she wasn’t ready. I don’t think it is as big a deal either. My boys never took to it, Master S couldn’t fit it in his mouth, and Master J had it for about 2 months. xx Rach
That tree is fabulous!
Anonymous says
So what do I do with a thumb sucker? I can’t chop it off and throw it away! She’s 5and a half and already at school! HELP!!!??????
Naturally Carol says
This is one of the rare child rearing problems I didn’t have..they all spit the dummy at about 5 months or didn’t like them in the first place. Maybe it had something to do with the shape of their mouths?? There is no hope I suppose with just losing it conveniently one day, maybe just letting them wear out naturally and not replacing them as they do..a gradual process. I am not being critical though..’cos we all do what seems to work best in our own families, we know our own children best.
Lib says
3 kids, all thumb suckers…the oldest is still sucking and turns 11 soon…we’ve tried EVERYTHING, NOTHING WORKS!!!! At least you can take a dummy away…short of cutting off her thumbs we’re stuffed!
I’m with you, resigned to a fortune in orthodontics.
Anne says
I can so relate Maxabella. My son was exactly the same. He’d ‘crunch down’ on the teet and bust them every night, at about 2am mind you, and scream for another one. I just had to bite the bullet and say ‘no more’. He cried a bit at first but eventually gave it up. It’s my 6 yo daughter who’s the worry. A thumb sucker and a dirty old rag lover. (It used to be a little ‘blankie’ type doll given as a baby but she won’t part with it for love or money! LOL)
Anne @ Domesblissity
Heather says
Nope hon shouldn’t feel guilt at all!! Ella didn’t have a dummy because I had crazy ideals and was terrified that she would refuse the breast if she was given the dummy – midwives told me that. 9 weeks I thought screw that and she wouldn’t take it…missed my chance. Had Jakey, popped the dummy straight in his mouth, breastfeeding was a dream and I had a great first 6 months with him compared to El! Then at 6 mths he spat it out and refused to take it. If I were to have a 3rd I would 100% go the dummy. xxx
Deb says
Is it bad that I wish i had one of those dummys on the tree to give to my child? They look so cute!!
Yeah I can’t give up the dummy either. I just can’t face the endless whinging that will ensue. Also my excuse isthat with the constant earthquakes and aftershocks the child doesn’t need any extra trauma. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it!!!
babygalah says
So, I don’t have kids, so I have no advice or gulit or reassurance to give you……..but my goodness this is a great post. So well written….I love it.
Lisa says
Neither of my boys would take a dummy… despite my efforts to shove it in!
…and they both ended up needing braces. So don’t let that worry you!
Whatever works, I say.
Sam-O says
Both of mine were/are Happy Baby dummy boys.
I stuck to only in bed once they were about 6 months old.
I had no problem with it. The Little Man was planning to give his up when the baby arrived, just before he turned 3 but he got a bug and was hospitalised so I let it slide and then it was removed on his 4th birthday (which coincided with the recall, so there were none available to replace them. It was 2 nights and forgotten.
The Munchkin is much less attached but it reappears whenever he feels sick or has a tooth on the way down. I did buy a years worth when I found out that Happy baby are in administration… SO I guess I expect him to continue.
If it helps them feel happy and sleep better (it does here), then I am all for it!! Sleep… MMMMmmmmm
Teresa says
Thank you for this post Maxebella! Amelie’s last tooth has just popped through and so I am giving some thought about how to break the habit. I remember ‘googling’ “are dummies bad?” when I first brought her home from hosiptial and have been known to ruin otherwise perfect candid photos of her because I have dived into the picture in an attempt to extract dummy – but I don’t feel guility anymore – as my Mum often says to me “I am yet to see anyone give a 21st speech or walk down the aisle with a dummy in their mouth. “Doedoo” (as she affectionally refers to it these days) has provided her comfort during teething, ear infections and to fall asleep. I’m sure she’ll decide on her own that she is too big one day – as I’m sure so will your little one.
Paula says
Oh, what a great post Maxabella! A mum friend recently commented that ‘every kid has their thing’. Whether it’s the night bottle (ours), the dummy or the thumb. So reassuring to read your post though and feel part of the club because the older they get, the more it feels like a guilty secret 🙂
Enjoy your weekend.
Sannah says
I really don’t get why people are so hung up on dummys. How many adults do you know who don’t have any vices or bad habits? I think of all the bad habits that I have (mainly chocolate) and know that they are far worse than a dummy. We ALL have things that comfort us, or things that we use to cope with life, and as far as these things go, I reckon a dummy is pretty benign.
A couple of years ago a study by dental researchers came out that said that studies now conclusively showed that dummy use up to the age of 4 years old does not affect teeth/mouth development (4 years doesn’t mean that it is bad beyond that, it is just as far as the study went). Thumb sucking on the other hand does.
Have you considered all the possible psychological repercussions that could potentially be caused by her primary caregiver taking away one of her main comforting tools before she is ready too? Perhaps some of the people who turn to drugs are people who, as children, had comforts taken away from them before they were developmentally ready? Maybe this is going too far, perhaps children who had dummies or other comforts taken away too early find other ways to satisfy that need, like food?
Posie Patchwork says
First thing my mother said when i had a baby “don’t make a rod for your own back” which resulted in us never using dummies (they breast fed into unconsciousness anyway), patting them to sleep, or any of those habits you’d learn to regret. They never had a must-have toy or blanket either. So i don’t know what you’re going through my love, good luck!!
FYI mum learnt the hardway, she patted my first brother to sleep, my other brother & sister were obsessed with a certain toy & blanket respectively, me – they let me have a dummy & it took years to get rid of. Her story “leave it out for the birds, they need them for their babies” & it wasn’t until i was maybe 16 & an auntie that i thought, “you know, i’ve never seen a bird with a dummy”. There is hope, until she realises at 16 it was all lies!! Love Posie
summerfete says
Thankyou I love it when I get a fast commenter!!
Donna says
Oh if I could have my time over I’d never have forced my son to give his beloved dummy up so soon. We bowed to peer pressure, and a dentist who asked if we have a spare $7000 for the braces he’d be needing. That was 6 months ago and we’ve barely slept a full night since…
m.e (Cathie) says
pheww never had to deal with it, don’t know how I would have dealt with it, I am the softie parent.
1st child was all about rules & routines..geee I regret that! 2nd child was breastfed to sleep, it was all about survival, he self weaned. fast forward to nearly 4 yrs later & he still sneaks in to our bed at night.
goodluck, go with the flow, it’ll go when she’s ready ♥