It always amuses me when Maxi-Taxi begins a sentence with “I can’t go to sleep because…” What’s he cooking up now? I think to myself. This better be good. And invariably it is.
The other night he told me that he couldn’t go to sleep because he needed to run around the house (‘do laps’). I said, “It’s sleep time now, Max. Not time for laps.” He said, “But how am I supposed to sleep in all this energy?”
The kid has a point.
Another night he couldn’t sleep because his heart was too soggy. “I’m scared and when you won’t sit with me, my heart gets soggy,” he said. I sat with him. I’m weak like that.
He’s a sensitive soul, so you have to tread carefully when issues of monsters, robbers, spiders, the moon and anything else likely to go bump in the night come up. One false move and it’s matchsticks for the rest of the night. Which is why I found myself on eggshells when the issue of Stranger Danger was raised.
“They come and get you in a white van,” he said. “They snatch you off the side of the road when you’re waiting to cross at the lights. Even when you’re good, they get you.”
What are they telling them at that school? I wondered, crunching away on my eggshells. We’ve always had a relaxed approach to ‘Strangers’. You can talk to anyone you like as long as Mum or Dad or another grown-up you know is with you. We didn’t want our children growing up thinking it’s okay to be unfriendly or, worse, fearful, just because they don’t know someone. It’s not okay to live your life in fear that a random tragedy is going to happen to you. Strangers aren’t to be feared at our place, rather they often offer a lovely exchange in the middle of an otherwise frenetic day.
Of course, when you’re by yourself, you aren’t allowed to even notice them.
I raised the white van kidnappers at the P + C Meeting the next night. “What are you telling the kids about kidnappers in white vans?” I asked.
Mirthful looks were exchanged between teachers. “It’s always a white van,” one said in amazement. “We give them a thoughtful, educative chat about coming to the front office if they are not collected on time after school, they discuss it amongst themselves and the next thing you know the story about the stranger in the white van is doing the rounds again. That white van has been circling the school for decades.”
Hmmm… needless to say, that bit of schoolyard folklore meant that Maxi-Taxi couldn’t sleep and was threatening to boycott school the next day. I had to turn him around quicksmart by asking him why anyone would want to take a kid? Especially one that doesn’t sleep, doesn’t listen and doesn’t eat their vegies? He couldn’t come up with a single reason.
So, the next day he goes to school and all was well. When I saw him that evening his eyes were wide and he was leaping out of himself with excitement. “Mum, Mum! MUM! A Stranger approached me today.”
“Really, an actual Stranger? Where were you? What did they say?”
“I was in the playground and a lady came up and asked me where the Mandarin classes were held,” he said breathlessly.
“And what did you say to her?”
“Well… I said to her ‘Do you drive a white van?’ and she said ‘no’, so I told her they were in the library.”
georgi hampton says
Oh that is so, so precious. Put a smile on my face .. x
Chelle, Nick and Raya says
This is such a lovely post. You should keep this little story for when Maxi is older. The innocence of children is just beautiful
emma @ frog, goose and bear says
It’s such a fine line ‘the stranger thing’. Gotta be sorted out on an individual basis like usual i think. My eldest is far too bold with strangers, the other two are often scraed with new people. I’d approach differently with each one.
That story is just beautiful – it really made me smile. what an adorable child you have!!
jodi says
Stories like this are scary. They always will be. And, unfortunately, because of them we now live in a fearful society…Where our children can’t walk to school by themselves or play in the park with the neighbours unattended.
Because of our fears our children are deprived of an element of freedom. The kind of freedom that inspires creativity and makes for the greatest of childhood memories.
I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m one of the fearful ones. The frightening thing is we just never know who’s around the corner. I struggle with this in regard to blogging. Who is reading what I’m writing?
I hope that one day I can completely trust the community I’m raising my children in. But I’m sure there will always be a bit of doubt.
Maxi’s take on the subject is preciously priceless.
Niki Hudson says
Wow–what a sweet soul he is! Everything from the soggy heart to the white van. He’s a treasure! ๐
Karen Wilson says
It’s a red and WHITE van… and I’m sure it’s good to teach your kids that Strangers drive all colour of vans
Suzi says
Oh that is a touchy subject in our place too with my anxious yet over friendly son. When we lived in suburbia straight after a similar talk at school I was walking home with the kids when Gucci yelled out hello to a lady walking her dog on the other side of the street, I rolled my eyes and she ‘hello’d back when Gucci yells out in an angry voice “I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to your dog, I’m not allowed to talk to strangers!” Oh the shame.
DanielleQ says
Maxi’s a smart kid ๐
Miss Pink says
Bahahahaha!
Gosh he would be fantastic to have.
We actually DO do the stranger danger talk with Bluey. Not Greenie, becase, well he’s 2. But we started with Bluey last year BEFORE he started school. Just simple things like if a stranger comes at you and grabs you like this what would you do? And I taught him to respond by dropping to the ground and screaming “STRANGER STRANGER STRANGER” until someone he knew came up and helped him. Whilst he dropped to get him to kick and wriggle and do whatever to break free. It was more of a game to him getting to wrestle with Mr Black and myself, but if you ask him now he knows ‘fight and scream STRANGER’.
The hardest part is you can’t say “scream until a police officer comes up” because who says it isn’t a kidnapper dressed in police uniform or that says he is. I’ve told him that at school it will be me, his father or grandma (my mum) who will get him. No one else. He is NOT to leave his classroom with anyone else unless i’ve told him the morning before. And I tell him even if it’s someone besides me.
I’ve told him strangers may not drive a car, they might walk or any other things, but that when he’s alone where he cannot see me watching to not talk to them. But otherwise I can’t stop him.
Bluey is a super friendly kid, so it’s been a big worry of ours from the start.
Megan Blandford says
That is beautiful, I love his innocence.
No idea about stranger danger talks yet – with A only being 2 – but I’d like a similar approach. People are generally not to be feared.
Naturally Carol says
It is a shame that the teachers don’t do anything to stamp out that particular rumour..there must be thousands of people out there with white vans who are good citizens! My son said something similar once when we were in a park having a picnic. He made friends with a family also picnicking and when I said don’t talk to strangers he just said they were his new friends so they weren’t strangers anymore.
Heather says
He is GORGEOUS! But of course I already knew that. I have to admit that we haven’t touched on stranger danger and I have no idea if they have addressed it at ella’s school. As you know ella is very sensitive so I am thinking not, as she would have mentioned it. The kids do know not to open the door if I am in the shower – basically because the other day I was in the shower and a man knocked on our door and jake opened it and ran and got our PHOTO ALBUM and started talking him through it!! Good lord! It is such a hard thing the whole stranger danger thing as you don’t want to scare them but at the same time they have to be somewhat aware of how to keep themselves safe. xx
mel @ loved says
This is really hard. I found it difficult to bring up the subject until recently, I didn’t want them to live in fear, live with my fears. We did talk about it though, I think it went ok & that they understood the ‘possible’ danger. The funniest bit was while we were talking about all of this, and all very serious, the little guy pipes up with “Yeah, there are bears out there!!” hhmmm, maybe he is still a bit young for this discussion, that bear hunt story has a lot to answer for as far as sleepless nights at our place goes…
Lib says
A few years ago our oldest two KAT’s were introduced to Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and the TRULY scary (not scrumptious) character of the ‘Child Stealer’ as we call him played VERY convincingly by Robert Helpmann…they still talk about it!!
A reasonable person will accept that most children are harmed by someone you know…but as a parent you are still terrified by the random behaviour of some psycho that your children’s path just happens to cross…my heart breaks for all those parents who suffer this random intersection in their lives.
notquitecrafty says
Wow, the white van has visited my boys school on a number of occasions & there was actually a real white van stranger grabbing kids in the suburb we used to live in.
My boys are a bit older and so understand the danger of strangers. But I did identify to them the only parents I would ever leave messages with if I was running late or ask to pick them up – I think there were 6 mums on the list.
I am giving them a fair bit of freedom now – they can ride their bikes to school, they can go to the school at the end of the street to play on the oval & in pairs they can go for a ride on the bike paths in our suburb.
But then my eldest is off to high school next year & will be getting there & back on his own – at some point you do have to start letting go & scaffolding them to independence. It is just so hard to work out when to start.
Kate says
I don’t know! This is such a hard one for me right now. Living closer to other people than we ever, ever have before. Bumping into people when we wash, play and hang about. They see me chatting to people while I wait for the washing machine to finish so why shouldn’t they? Should they?
Michelle says
Every time I read one of your posts about your son, it sounds like you are talking about my eldest daughter. I think your take on stranger danger is perfect – talk away as long as a trusted grown up is with you.
I love that he checked whether the lady had a white van before he helped her out.
therhythmmethod says
Bless his soggy heart. x
Silver Threads of Happiness says
Bless! What a unique view of the world kids have. Stranger danger has got to be one of the hardest things to teach kids I’d imagine, especially without scaring them half to death.
Lisa says
That’s a tough one isn’t it?! Too true… many ‘strangers’ are not to be feared. In fact, the reverse is true. Strangers can offer encouragement, or a kind word, that often means more that hearing the same from a ‘non-stranger’.
It’s a shame that kids are taught to fear, rather than to embrace… the most shameful thing is that due to the minority, such teaching is necessary.
Mum on the Run says
Sweet, sweet little man.
I like your philosophy too.
Another parenting balancing act – the stranger danger.
I actually don’t like that term – but it’s a sad reality.
๐
Jodi @ The Scribble Den says
A soggy heart. How sweet.
As for stranger danger, we have much the same approach. But definitely a hard one to deal with.
csroth3 says
I think you did a good job with the stranger topic and finding out how the school was dealing with it. I think your son got the point too. He considered whether the lady was a danger to him or not and did his best to figure that out, then he helped her because he wasn’t afraid. Maybe you’ll have to revisit the topic in more depth when he’s older, there is a lot of danger in the world these days, but you’re right that living in fear is unhealthy. A delicate balance of caution, intuition and good will is a tricky thing for kids to learn.
Toyin O. says
What a sweet kid you have there, you are doing something right.
Abbie says
Very good post! It can be tough to not make children afraid of people they don’t and to be safe.
I like your philosophy regarding strangers.
Your boy is very smart!!
Hi I'm Rhonda. says
I love this story! It’s so cute.
Jodie Ansted says
Yup. There’s an urban myth that floats around about ‘the white van’.
However, one time all parents rec’d an email from school about a woman who, at the local shops, was attempting to abduct kids from the ride on Thomas machine. It was situated outside a Howard’s Storage, and parents would wander in there whilst their children happily rode Thomas, and a woman would then attempt to take these kids. It sounded out of this world loopy and totally made up.
But It wasn’t.
The details were confirmed with the local police station and they were ‘investigating’ it. No children had disappeared, just attempts that were thwarted.
Scary stuff.
I’ve heard it’s wrong to use the term ‘Stranger Danger’ – and you’ve explained why, so we always talk about being nice to everyone, but they are never ever ever to go with anyone – even if that person tells them it’s ok. They are to go in to shop and ask the person behind the counter for help, or go to another mother with kids if they are lost. But they are not to ‘leave the scene’ so to speak. They are given a list of people at school who they can go home with if approached by them, and if it’s someone not on that list, they are to go straight to the school office and have the office call me.
Maxi made me laugh. Too gorgeous for words. ๐
Sam-O says
We’ve had some rough times since the Little Man was born. AVO’s against business partners, The Workaholic was snatched off the street and pistol whipped and a few other unsavoury incidents which have seen us move 6 times in his short life.
In addition we know a few people who actually have kidnapped children overnight to get paid.
The upshot is, the Little Man has always lived with “kidnap drill” as part of his life. He treats it as a natural thing and is not anxious about it all. I on the other hand am horrified that my kids live with this. We recently went through it with him after at least a year without mentioning it. He had all the answers and more “don’t worry Mum, I’ll scream and get DNA” (not sure where that came from). It is just part of his life to him. In fact I don’t think I’d like to be the man in the White Van who tried to take him. He’s taken the ball and run with it big time!
MummyK says
Oh god the white van thing, this scares me. Investing in a good self defence class is always good.
Cathy says
omg I had fear coursing through me as I read your post and read some of the comments. I haven’t had this talk with my kids (my eldest would think about it way too much and stress way too much). They are all very friendly and will say hi to just about anyone! Yet they are also cautious if I’m not around (thankfully). Such a hard thing. I want them to be safe but I don’t want them to be scared.
Be A Fun Mum says
That’s priceless! Love it. This is quite a big issue…I wrote about it for SuperParents here http://www.superparents.com.au/blog/2010/09/stranger-danger/
Posie Patchwork says
Ask the police, they’ll tell you EVERY school holidays there are stories about kidnappers, weirdoes, men hanging out near parks . . . in white vans, it’s a myth!! Love Posie