Thanks everyone for your lovely hurrahs on my birthday yesterday. I had a fab day and was spoiled suitably rotten. The best bit is that with my party months away, this birthday feeling can last for ages! I highly recommend this approach.
Well, I’m forty now, and it ain’t no different to 39, which wasn’t all that different to 38, which seemed remarkably similar to 37… well, you get the idea. All the way down to about 18, I think. Which means we’re all just adolescents at heart. But still, forty seems… milestoney. Like I’m crossing over a line.
I was bemoaning being moaning… sorry, start again… so I was bemoaning turning forty this weekend to my mate the other day and she said, “At least you’ve got the Trifecta.”
“The Trifecta?”
“Yeah, career, husband, babies – the Trifecta. It’s what women everywhere want to achieve by forty.”
Really? What an odd thing to even think about let alone see as an ‘achievement’. I suppose mainly because the career thing happens through sheer hard work and a bit of luck, the husband thing happens through sheer hard luck and a bit of work and the babies are just plain work.
But then, I happen to know that my friend (who I know from work, so tick one box) didn’t meet her man until she was about 42 and has been trying unsuccessfully to have a bambino with him ever since. So, I can see how the trifecta is something that she might be a bit wistful about. Forty does seem to be a fairly solid cut-off point for the baby bit.
And there are lots of mummas I know who had to give up a pretty sterling career in order to raise their bubbas in a way they were happy with. So, they’re forty and wondering if they’ll ever get back into the workforce when it’s time for them.
Still others whose husbie’s are useless, absent or long gone. They’re forty and wondering when their husband is going to join them in growing up…
So, I’m going to shut up about what I may or may not think about this ‘trifecta’ business and the ridiculous expectations placed on women of today and just be grateful. Grateful that I reached this milestoney age and things seem pretty much on the up for me.
I’m going to be grateful that my work offers me the kind of trust and flexibility that I wish was available to all working mothers.
I’m going to be grateful that my husband offers me the kind of help and support that I wish was available to all wives.
And I’m going to be grateful that I have three cheeky, healthy and loving children that I wish were available to all women (we could raise them together, Big Love style?) My three beautiful Tsunamis are the only trifecta I really care about winning.
See, all that and it’s not even Saturday…
Kymmie says
Love this post! And it’s like a bonus Grateful for the weekend!
I have heard of the trifecta, AND agree that perhaps I don’t dwell on it because I’ve got the three too (Mind you, the career has been great, and the creative fun stuff I do now is a break before I decide to get all corporate again). But loving where I’m at and enjoying the, er, less frantic pace (does that exist? Really?).
But I hope you know what I mean.
Great post, and yes, I don’t feel a year older than around 23. Just don’t look 23 anymore (sigh).
x
Tas says
Never heard of it myself. But then I stopped my “career” at 34 to pop out my first kidlet and have never returned. Maybe it was discussed around the water cooler at work when you got closer to 40. No career here and no regrets either. I left a job that was a chore and I have re-found my creative side and am blessed that I can pursue that now without the pressure to earn an income. I have a most-of-the-time helpful hubby and rarely-angelic offspring, none of which I would trade.
Welcome to your 40s! They are truly fabulous.
Bungalowgirl says
Have not heard of the “trifecta” but I’m suggesting whooping it up and enjoying every minute before we all hit the other trifecta best known as the “terrible triad” of menopause, teenagers and elderly demanding parents that all us older mothers are heading for in about a decade! Live in the moment and deal with the rest later! And you do know that 40 is the new 20! melx
MonetPaisley says
I am 33 but still feel 18. the only time I feel even slightly grown up is when I am minding someone elses kids. I have 3 kids and a husband but gave the career awsy to focus on the family. I was a bank teller as nd feel like I could retufn quite easily if I wanted to. Just dont want to. I wonder how my unmarried friends feel and wonder whether they want to do the kid thing anyway. I had an aunty who must have been in her late 40’s and still single. Profesionally successful and she retired and adopted a little philipino girl after fostering quite a few young girls.
I am very greatful for what I have and cant bear to think how I would cope did I not have my husband or my children.
Jodi @ The Scribble Den says
Can’t say I’ve heard of the trifecta before either. I guess I have achieved it. Husband, kids and many careers that I have loved and continue to do so. I think I am lucky that I have not had to put pressure on myself to achieve any by any particular time, that could be harsh.
Naturally Carol says
Hi Maxabella..Bron..a belated (sorry) bunch of birthday wishes from me! You have got the trifecta..the one that counts..and I really hope that this year will be the absolute best of forty..and that there are many many more to come!
DanielleQ says
I hadn’t heard of the trifecta as a single entity, though I had heard – of course – of the general struggle of women to have all three of those things…
It’s kinda weird, I don’t really think about what I want to achieve by an age or whatever, or as achievements / successes as something to possess, but I understand where that comes from. I’m 30 now, I have three kids and a husband, and while I run my own business it’s pretty inconsistent for income and I wouldn’t define it as a career. I think building that business into something that balances what I need from it (income / personal satisfaction and enjoyment) with the needs of my family would be my personal feeling of success. Or if I get that feeling of balance and contentment without the business, that would be awesome too.
It’s something to do with independence of identity… interesting to dwell on π
And happy days to you and your trifecta!
Miss Pink says
Tri-fector shmi-fector.
I don’t think we should measure our happiness on what others perceive to be “successful” After all isn’t that just indulging their opinions? And it might not be what YOU want, or what makes YOU happy.
I am glad you have your trifecta, but please never let other people determine your success.
<3 <3
Lisa says
I’d never heard of the trifecta… but then again I was a wife and a mum at 18! (Consequently divorced at 32) Life’s not always about getting your pegs in a row. However I am really glad that I had my kids early and at 40 I’m still young enough to have a life outside of home that includes a career, and a relationship with a wonderful man whom my boys like and respect.
I know plenty of people who started their families later in life, that just wasn’t for me.
Jen says
I haven’t heard of the trifecta either. I’ve got two out of three, the career is not back yet. I’ve got 6 months until 40 so getting it back is a possibility, but I’m not sure I’m ready for it yet…. we’ll see.
Cate says
So glad to hear you’ve got lots of nice perspective to go with all your lovely presents!
And no, I hadn’t heard that expression before although I was given a card when I turned 30 (by a good friend 14 years older than me) which said “you’re crying now because you’re turning 30, but in ten years time you’ll be crying because you’re not”. Since he was 44 at the time, I figured he knew what he was talking about π
xxxCate
PS: I’m not there yet!! So no tears from me…
Mum on the Run says
I love this post too.
I’m not a gambler – but well done on your trifecta anyhow!
The spoils are yours!!
π
Silver Threads of Happiness says
Happy birthday for yesterday, today, tomorrow and all the days until your party! I’m fast approaching 30 and have been having a little bit of bemoaning here and there too but trying to stay positive!
Posie Patchwork says
Like most things in life, people bring up those ‘buzz words’ & ideas as they are an issue important to them. I think of 40 & can not wait, imagine my 4th baby starting high school when i’m 40?? Add to that almost 20 years of marriage. Still getting my head around how quickly babies grow to high schoolers & how husbands get better looking!!
Have a blast & hell yeah, i’m all about making birthday celebrations drawn out & going for as long as possible, say until you start the preparations for your 50th?? Milk it baby, milk it. Love Posie
PlanningQueen says
I hadn’t heard of the trifecta, but I can see why the phrase would exist. I like the fact that you don’t put all your achievements down to good luck – they have required hard work and it is important to acknowledge that.
Often people will say to me “You are so lucky to …..” and I politely smile, but in reality it isn’t just luck, you have to work hard to achieve success – what ever that may be for you.
Happy 40th Birthday and congratulations on your success Maxabella!
Marion Williams-Bennett says
I am heading toward 50, a fact that still baffles me!
I think what I learned in my 40’s is that what others are doing doesn’t matter. The thing that matters is what you are doing, and how you are doing it. Motherhood. Career. Love. When and if you get married. When and if you have children. When and if you have a career. When and if you choose give it up for a while.
Make the choices that are right for you and pursue them with abandon.
Keep the celebration going!
Rhonda says
I think everyone’s “trifecta” is different…for some it’s husband, career and babies…for others it’s husband, babies and housework, etc.
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Mammamusing says
I haven’t heard of the trifecta either.
Glad to hear you’re enjoying your birthday celebrations π
Karen Wilson says
I think the trifecta listed in the photo is much more important.
I have the husband and the baby, but I am hoping to give up the career for more babies. I don’t want all three!
Diminishing Lucy says
I have the trifecta. I have heard of it before, and am quite blazen in my smugness for having all three…
If you have gratitude for it all as well, triple triefecta I say.
Oh I am a slack friend – I missed your birthday.
I need more blogging hours.
xx
MummyK says
Yes great perspective. I love my trifecta too π I have heard of that before, just didn’t pay much attention. I was more like whatever happens to my life happens π
violet says
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Alice Becomes says
Yes, I have heard of the trifecta but haven’t given it too much thought. For women like you friend though, who are trying hard for one of those three things, it must be tough, something she perhaps thinks about a lot. Lovely, spontaneous grateful post!
Gill x
Tracey says
I say forget everything and just enjoy! Next year my bestie is going to be 40 and we are going to go on a girls weekend to Ibiza…so i’m thinking 40 will be a great age! tee hee…
Vanessa says
I had to think about this post for awhile to work out what bugged me. Again, a scoresheet for women. Hit forty and check that report card for life?
Certainly not into it. Never heard of the trifecta thing and will never be passing my opinion on about it in the future.
Happiness comes from so many sources. Self evaluation is all that is important. Should a woman feel inadequate if she checks her report card and, darn infertility leaves me childless? children leave me careerless (although I maintain raising wonderful human beings is an amazing career), or time and place has left me husbandless?
Enjoy your birthday without harsh assessments x
Cat says
I’ve never heard about it referred to in this way before but I think it’s really the kind of thing that people of a certain age/education/social-economic group have expectations of. I think I would like to have all these things kinda sorted (and I kinda do) but the reality is it’s what you DO with them that counts. You can have a husband but a miserable marriage or be a supremely resentful Mum or uncommitted employee. The sheer act of ‘having’ them isn’t enough for me to consider it a “win” as such, if that makes sense. And truly, being a loving Mama, supportive and forgiving partner and doing my job well are the things that count to me. Sorry I missed wishing you a super Happy 40th.