Quite some time ago I wrote a Difficult People post about the Yummy Mummy that has stayed with me ever since. The comments on that post made me think about things in a different way.
Yummy Mummy.
Some really lovely, really cool, really sane women appeared to identify with the title ‘Yummy Mummy’. They liked it.
And MILF. They liked being called that too.
Didn’t see that coming.
I thought these labels were made up by the media and a certain crass movie to belittle women. To make our appearance count for more than what we do and how we do it. To once again make us feel that as women our main purpose is being decorative or screwable. So I was really taken aback to hear many lovely women comment on my post saying they identified with being a yummy mummy.
The feminist in me (and she’s in there somewhere…) just cringes when described as a ‘yummy mummy’ or (god help me) a ‘MILF’*. Erk. Ugh. Yuk.
Sorry. That’s how I feel.
My earlier post wasn’t about the lucky women who just happen to look fantastic while they’re down in the mud with their children. Not at all. Getting stuck into life with your kids is what it’s all about and if you can manage to look groomed and on-trend while you do it then that’s great for you. But, I’m sorry, try as I might I just can’t support labelling women with ridiculous badges that some mindless marketing machine made up. A ‘yummy mummy’, ‘a MILF’, a ‘slummy mummy’, a ‘funny mummy’, a ‘dummy mummy’ or any of the rest of the bullshit that we have to put up with. I’m so tired of the labels that I just want to have a little sleep.
And then for so many wonderful women to actually identify with these labels? To use them to describe themselves?
Nope, didn’t see that coming at all.
What do you think about the mummy labels?
Do you identify with one or more of them?
therhythmmethod says
Marketing people don’t know how to talk to mums because really, we don’t need much to get on with the business of raising kids. They like to make us feel frumpy and in need of styling because that drives their sales.
I have one pair of sneakers, a favourite pair of jeans, and a few pairs of track suit pants. I haven’t shopped for myself for 2 years and really, I get by. I think I have my own style, but I certainly wouldn’t recognise a trend unless it came up and told me it was hungry. And by the looks of the girlies on the front of the mags these days, there’s a whole lotta hungry out there.
Karen says
I think just “mummy” itself is a label. Since having my baby that’s all people see me as, apparently I don’t a life or any opinions outside motherhood.
I’m not a ‘mummy’. I’m a ‘Karen’ who just happens to have a baby to look after as well.
Jen R says
Yes, dont like the labels at all, no not at all, happy to be called a Mummy but we are people too!!
Diminishing Lucy says
It honestly doesn’t phase me. If other people want to lable me, that’s up to them. I’ve been “a career girl” as well as “one of those students” as well as “a lush” as well as a “mummy”.
The only person who has ever called me a MILF was my husband. And the only person who ever called me a Yummy Mummy was our butcher.
Labels, pigeon holes, cliques, tribes…whatevs. I am just me.
xx
MultipleMum says
Before the MILF, there was Stiffler’s Mom! I am not into labels. Maybe if I WERE yummy I would want to be? You forgot the ‘crunchy Mummy’ too but maybe they is too herbal for the marketer in you to acknowledge? Afterall, they don’t buy stuff x
Kathryn says
If I were ten years younger…but I’m not, and I can’t be bothered! I’ve been wearing long pants everyday for the past week as I can’t be bothered shaving my legs.
picklebug says
I’ve been called a milf by 17 year old boys, and let’s just say it was incredibly awkward. And the yummy mummy thing, I’m not into it, but I do know someone who lists that as their occupation on facebook! Tool! I’d rather be called a funny mum or crazy mum, but yummy mummy? Ergh…
Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' says
All I like to be called is ‘Cherie’, or actually noone even calls me that. It’s ‘chez’ to most.
And when Max learns to talk, ‘Mummy’ will do.
And when he gets a little bit older … ‘Mum’ will be fine 🙂
As for all the other labels, marketing stuff perhaps? Possibly aimed at taking another hit at our self esteem?
Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' says
Oh, & I hope this doesn’t sound conceited, but the other day I was walking with Max, & these tradesmen in a ute drove past & yelled out ‘milk’.
Honestly, I think they actually thought it was a compliment?!
But I was … SEETHING!
So yea. This post. I get it. And get you on this one xx
Erin @ Eat Play Bond says
I don’t like that it sounds so patronising – you look pretty good for someone who has had a kid. It’s like the bar has been lowered because we now have some kind of handicap and can’t be compared to women who have not had children.
I also have an issue with the fact that there is no correlation between our appearance and our abilties as a mother “i don’t care how happy you or your child is, as long as you can still wear your skinny jeans”
Who would want people do describe them like that?
ClaireyHewitt says
Labels are not much to me. The yummy, the MILF, meh, whatever. I get more sick of the helicopter, attached parent etc, as though all these descriptions are negative. Motherhood should not be cut up and described in one word phrases.
But there is also the yuppie, the DINK, the SKIs, etc so it isn’t just the Mums…
Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' says
‘milk’ should be ‘milf’ …
See, even my iPad autocorrect doesn’t stand for it 😉
Ava says
Raising three girls and a little boy who will one day be associating with young males who will also label women, I recoil at the terms “yummy mummy” et al .
I hope that by the time my girls hit womanhood these terms have been left in the dust where they belong. I do believe the women who wear these labels with seeming pride are not fully comprehending the full package of belittlement that “yummy mummy” contains. Posts like this will do some good in kicking this stupid label to the kerb. Well done Maxabella ( I am so glad you’re back ) xx Ava
Naturally Carol says
I actually thought that compared to what they used to call us..which was ‘just a housewife’ and didn’t even incorporate a term for a mum, that ‘yummy mummy’, being an attractive mum or even a SAHM..meaning we made a choice to stay at home and be a mum, were better terms by far. The whole terminology of naming our vocation or station could be better but perhaps with our help it will evolve into terminology that will be more acceptable.
Mama of 2 boys says
The ‘yummy mummy’ and ‘MILF’ labels do actually make me cringe. They also make me laugh, in that awkward guffaw-ish kinda way. I really don’t understand how compliments about a woman’s appearance have anything to do with her being a mother. The two are exclusive, in my mind. I agree with you, these are ridiculous badges and just another way of driving a wedge between the sisterhood. Society is to blame!
Veggie Mama says
hate boxes, hate being put in them x
Annie says
I’ve used the term Yummy Mummy to describe a certain kind of person to my friends, and they have known exactly what I meant. But we were not talking about anyone in particular. I think it’s part of the human condition to be tribal, and this labelling is just an extension of that. There are tribes I would never aspire to belong to, tribe Yummy Mummy for one, but I have a cousin who glories in her Yummy Mummy membership. I think it is inevitable that we will be labelled, but it doesn’t have to be inevitable that these labels diminish us. That’s down to how we use them.
lou says
I don’t want to be any of these labels…it’s a load of bollox (cuse me french). I am Lou, a woman, who likes clothes, photography, gardening and my kids… who happens to also be a mummy. There I said it…I am MORE than an F’ing label. x
Kirsty @ Bowerbird Blue says
They really give me the absolute shits those titles. Acronyms are just crap as people describers in general. The idea you’re not quite making it as a mummy unless you’re yummy and f…able, revolting. I don’t even like the SAHM acronym – it sounds weird and too all defining. I stay at home, often we go out, sometimes a bit of both. A bit of a ISAHOWGOSABOB, actually I like the sound of that, could catch on….
MummyK says
I’ll take “the most awesome mummy in the world” from my daughter anytime. That’s all the label I need 😉
sassandspice says
I don’t like labels but society tends to generalise anyway. When I was in the UK I was asked if if I was a ‘mums.net’ mummy’ and I had no idea. But I guess in the UK have politically biased newspapers and class/race segments so they may be used to labels?
I think it’s quite offensive when people say “hey you still look nice even though you a now a mum” – like why can’t I still be interested in fashion, food, music, art and still be picking snot out of my daughter’s nose and wiping her bum? I don’t want to be called a ‘yummy mummy’ or a ‘milf’ because I think it seriously downplays our role as mothers.
Sarah Mac says
I had a bit (ok a LOT) of a rant about this recently.
I’ve been called a yummy mummy, a milf all kinds of stuff and while it may be proffered as a compliment (and I DO try to take that from it) it makes me want to shout ‘what about the ME I am inside!’.
God knows it’s all down hill for the outside anytime soon I’d like to think there was something worthwhile about the inside too.
Yep … not so keen on the labels either.
Jaz from Treacy Travels says
I feel the pressure that comes with many of these labels. I just want to be me, a good mummy. But I feel it will ever be quite enough 🙁
Jaz x
Privet and Holly says
Both those terms
make my skin
crawl. End of
story! I don’t
think anything
that perpetuates
self-worth being
tied to looks is
healthy…..and
certainly not terms
we want to bandy
about around our
children. Don’t
want my girl to
hear/think it or
my boy.
xx Suzanne
Rhonda says
I hate those labels. Particularly the MILF one because well it’s offensive and I don’t want to particularly identify myself with a curse word and as a mother in a single acronym.
Flaming Nora says
Ok I heard a new one the other day that made my flesh crawl.
Mumtrepreneur.
How unbelievably patronising is that?
I have spent 20 odd years building up my business. It is a separate entity from my home life. So just because I am a mother now my achievements are down graded to sound like something I do to occupy me while my rich husband is out bringing home the bacon. Humm think not.
Felicity says
I wonder, does it make any difference who originally coined these phrases?
If it were a woman or a man does that give the whole thing a different slant?
You’ve given me lots of food for thought as ever my friend – thank you.
Quill and Ink Handmade says
Loved reading the comments just as much as your post today, Lovely Maxabella – what a read!
x
My Vintage Vow says
I don’t use those labels, if others feel they want to describe themselves that’s fine with me if they are the person doing and not someone else. But at the end of the day I just look in the mirror and if I like what I see I say to myself in a private moment “you’re a bit of alright”.
A Farmer's Wife says
To be honest labels don’t worry me too much. I am who I am and I know who that is. Whatever anyone else chooses to call me is up to them.
Jacki says
I try not to let it get to me too much. I certainly don’t think of myself as a yummy mummy and I doubt anyone else would either!
Tat @ Mum in search says
I didn’t actually know what MILF was, I had to google it… and no, I wouldn’t want to be called that. As for yummy mummy, it can have different meanings and it all depends on the context.
Ms Jelena says
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ms Jelena says
I’m not a fan of labels either. People’s lives do NOT revolve around just one thing, so to stick a label on someone is plain rude.
Stacey says
Yes. Ick. Don’t look at me like that, I’m a mum! I’m with you. Call me old fashioned, but I hate it!
Sarah London says
I do not like labels for anybody, especially for us ( mothers), so of course I do not approve being labeled… I believe that everybody is special and unique and this is what makes life interesting!
annie says
There’s another word for MILF which involves sex with mothers and we don’t find that charming or flattering. I just don’t get how anyone can endorse such a demeaning stupid term. Labels are considered so unfashionable and non-permissable for any other minority but we sure do like having them for women.
Kate @ Puddles and Gumboots says
I have been tagged so many labels throughout my life that I’ve gotten very good at ignoring them. At school I was the smart, geeky girl, when I was in my late teens early twenties, I got a lot of blonde jokes. Nowadays it’s probably “the crazy woman with five kids” haha. So because I never pay attention to labels I had never thought too much about terms like yummy mummy or MILF but now that I have, they are very offensive and it is rather bizarre that some wonderful women happily embrace such terms (I know quite a few that do!)
The Coffee Lady says
Don’t even get me started. And people who call themselves ‘mummy bloggers’? They’ll be the first against the wall.
Sally says
Well I am clearly quite out of it … I needed my partner to tell me what a MILF was.
I agree with you Bron. The terms ‘yummy mummy’ and ‘MILF’ are both off.
whitney says
just stumbled upon your blog… it’s so refreshing 🙂 will be back for more.
Megan.K. says
Can’t stand either of those labels. Yuckity yuck. Especially milf…. makes me sick.
But heaps of women do identify, as you say, and plenty of intelligent women at that! I don’t get it.
Maybe we’re getting old Bron? LOL
x
p.s (The LOL is there so you see that I am in fact a cool kid who is totes up with social media. LMAO. Rock On!)
p.p.s “Rock on” also shits me. Can you do a post about that one too?
::The Beetle Shack:: says
Bron, you are naughty.
Zoey @ Good Googs says
Can’t stand either of them. For a couple of reasons – reducing everything to such a base thing. And also, that it’s somehow a huge, giant, colossal shock that a mother could occasionally look nice or be attractive. That’s what those terms are to me – it’s like someone wants you to think they are an oxymoron. Well, the terms are definitely moronic.