Some things you don’t necessarily want to write about, but they kind of make you. This is one of those things.
I’ll apologise in advance that this post is all over the place. I am sure that a critic of my blog would say “can’t seem to stick to one topic. Crams too much in.” Does anyone want to become my Editor?
A lot of the posts I write come from my cheerful, sunny-side-up, grass-is-plenty-green kind of nature. I don’t dwell, I play well with others, I basically just get on with things. It goes without saying that I have had times in my life that have seen me dipping in the depths of despair and I have felt burnt to a crisp many times. Memory makes my toes curl as as I write that. But not lately. It’s fair to surmise that I have lead an essentially charmed life. I’ve yet to establish if that’s because I’ve actually had it really easy or if I was just born looking for easy. Perhaps I’ll never know.
But tell me this. Why does being an optimistic person mean that many, many people seem to write me off as being a lightweight? That being optimistic and cheerful equates somehow with being disinterested and unavailable. As if another person’s shoes won’t fit me.
Worse than that, is the attitude that the only people who could possibly be happy in this world are the ones who don’t ‘get it’ (ie, I’m too stupid to see the world for what it really is) or that my life is so much easier than a less-happy person’s (ie, the ‘perfect’ life myth). And then there’s the perception that somehow I don’t count as much as people who have “truly lived”.
I’d never considered this before I started a blog. It never came up. But blogging means I’m open and an email address means Come in. So, the “truly lived” above is a quote from an email I recently received. The writer said “your views on the world are not as meaningful as people who have truly lived”. All the other perceived attitudes I mention above are also from emails I’ve received as Maxabella. Others include:
“I can’t tell you about it because you won’t listen because you’ve had a nice life.”
“It’s alright for you to say you don’t aim for happiness when you’ve never experienced how tough life can be.”
“Just because you’re living the good life, doesn’t mean you have to rub people’s faces in it, intentional or not.”
“People like you are sometimes the reason that people like me feel bad about myself.”
Ouch.
These are emails sent by people who don’t actually know me – I may have escaped relatively unscathed, but I have lived a full life, oh yes, yes I have. But ignoring that, I want to point out that the overall tone of all of these notes was not necessarily aggressive or mean. I have been lucky (there I go again!) to not have had many ‘haters’ visit my blog or email me. At least, I choose not to view them in that light. Again, perception or reality?
What I simply want to know is… are they right? Do you think you have to experience something to be able to empathise? Most importantly, are you able to help people who suffer from sadness, grief, anger and frustration if these are not emotions that you experience very often? Can you be there for someone with depression? I’m bewildered because all my life I really thought I could.
[Image found here]
Jane says
Oh cripes, Bron. Where to start?
Okay, what horrid comments.They aren’t worth wasting any time or energy thinking about. Hit delete.
I don’t agree with any of them. They don’t *get* you. Their loss.
I do and am so supremely grateful for that.
All your last questions are tricky to answer in the abstract. But when they relate to you specifically, you are one of the rare bloggers who has endlessly supported and kept me going through horrible times this past year.
If you read my last post, you’re one of those beautiful people I was thinking about.
J x
Diminishing Lucy says
First of all, it’s sad that you feel you are writen off as being a lightweight.
Secondly, it is all in the perception, I reckon.
I have had a fair bit of “oh, but it’s alright for you…” comments in real life, from family members. It baffles me.
Often, I’ve found, it can be those who eperience the most intense levels of misery that then experience the awareness and bliss of eventual contentment. Contentment that is usually created from hard work.
Just do what you do…
xx
Hespera's Garden says
it goes the other way too… when you have gone through crap, the absolute worse, people compare their pain to you and start saying “oh, you won’t want to know, you’ve been through so much!” Sure, your baby dying is the absolute worse, but that does not mean I judge others pain or happiness. Each person is different. Everyone sees and experiences the world differently. Why do people have to compare? I’m just me, Happy, Sad, Angry, Jealous. life is for living, not judging each other
therhythmmethod says
I want to swear but won’t because I don’t think your mum would appreciate it.
I think we’re all accountable for what we do. We all have a patch of grass to clip and water and I don’t begrudge my neighbour their nicer grass. Some grass gets too much sun, some not enough: if I feel hurt or angry that someone else’s grass gets more rain or sun or less weeds, that is actually my problem. I own that jealousy, that anger, that envy, no one else.
Sorry that you get this kind of mail. The people who write it must be very unhappy people who need to spend more time tending to their own grass.
Pieni Lintu says
Oh no…terrible comments! 🙁
I often write about happy things and take happy and colorful pictures but I still have bad things in my life too – I just want to keep my blog a very pretty and happy place.
I hope my readers know that.
Dont’ change your self – you and your blog is just perfect this way! ♥
Tenille @ My Family Table says
I would never have classed you as a lightweight Bron, some of the most thoughtful posts I’ve read have been on this blog.
Do you have to have experienced depression to care for someone who is depressed? No, not at all. There’s an insight that may not quite be there, but that doesn’t negate your concern.
I think it’s quite naive to assume that others haven’t experienced hardship; most people have baggage in some shape or form. How much of that we share on our blogs is at our discretion, and ours alone.
Deb @ home life simplified says
I am sad that people even wrote that to you – even if you don’t take it meanly…
I can assure you (and you know this) that you can (and have) help people with depression.
I will publically share how you pulled me from a very low point on RUOK day when not a single person came to my RUOK post(how ironic) and I was a mess with negative thoughts, depression knocking at my door. You were honest and said you did not know about depression etc, but you reached out, you listened, you have always supported me without having met me.
I cherish every post you write and find it amazing. I get jealous of many others at times and feel badly, but something about you Bron always just makes me happy for your success and brilliance with writing. I think your nature comes across in your writing and i don’t see it as you only being able to empathize with happy and positive things. I think a caring person understands what others need and how to be there for them even if they have never experienced that person’s pain.
kirsty@shoproomstudio says
is there a difference between perception and reality, i reckon our perception IS our reality. and what a freaking awesome reality we can have if we so choose. i think the thing some people just don’t get is that we do get to choose how we want to feel about every thing that goes on in our lives. some circumstances cannot be altered, we can however make a choice about how we are going to be affected by them.
so, when someone thinks that you are living the ‘good life’, it really is ‘their perception’ because another person may see your circumstances as being ‘the pits’.
anyway, that’s just my view, the next person may well disagree and that is a.o.k.
x
Sarah says
WOWZA! I think it’s laughable that people think they judge your life/life experiences from your blog or facebook page! I often get comments on facebook, and in real life about how perfect my life is, because they have seen my albums. HAHAHAHAH. That’s all I can say. Maybe I should start photographing all the low points….then we’ll see how perfect life is! I too am a very optimistic person, but that only comes from experiencing some lows in the past! Keep doing what you are doing and don’t let those comments get to you xo
Sam-O says
Sometimes the human race astounds me. This is one of those occaisions. I’m very sorry for people who would write to someone with those comments, way more than you as the receiver. Do you reply?
Geez – they would think I am a super dooper lightweight with a blog named living life playing the glad game. I Probably am, but you my dear are definitely not.
nicole says
oh lordy! what a load of bollocks!
who honestly writes that stuff?
the idea of this blog (as far as i can tell) is to mostly be on the happy side, not whining about all the bad things in your life.
not everyone shows every facet of our lives, and we normally keep the shitty stuff to ourselves.
so rude of people to judge others by what they’re possibly not writing and the lack of that.
sorry that you have to cop that flack ms maxabella 🙁
xox
Vicky says
I’m somewhat gobsmacked…
As you know, because I have said it on my blog, you have helped me change perspective when I have very much needed to. So if that isn’t the ability to be empathetic to someone, even if you haven’t walked in their shoes, then I don’t know what is.
keep shining your light Bron. I for one need it!
PinkPatentMaryJanes says
Oh my god – really? Seriously? How awful. There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to feelings, experiences and expectations. I’m a more than positive person, yet feel I’m always able to empathise when people are sad and suffering. Just because I mayn’t have experienced something doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to an opinion on it.
Keep being you.
You’re awesome.
xxx
A Farmer's Wife says
First of all by being human we are all real.
I always struggle with the idea that someone can see someone as being lightweight just from a blog. I always presume that very few bloggers show their whole selves to the blog world. (Let’s face it, most people show their whole selves to very few people…) I always presumed that you, like anyone else, had your shares of ups and downs but chose to share more ups than downs. And that is perfectly OK. A glass half full attitude will get you a long way. I know my blog contains nothing of any seriousness at all. And that’s also OK. My real life has enough heavy stuff that I want my virtual life to be light and fluffy!
The quote about you not listening because you have had a good life got me. You sound like someone who would listen… Having suffered in life does not automatically make you a good listener anymore than having a charmed life makes you a bad one.
It’s an interesting conundrum – I think the most important thing to remember is that the emails come from people who are obviously in a dark place and that is colouring their opinion of you. Perspective is not always easy to maintain when you are depressed or grieving. I guess what I am saying is that those statements are more about the writer and their state of mind than you.
Take care.
Sarah@Pings&Needles says
I really can’t imagine why people would go to the trouble of sending you negative emails to berate you for being ‘you’ – and, quite frankly, a ‘you’ that they don’t understand one teensy bit.
We all have different experiences. Our ability to empathise is to some extent based on our willingness to do so; our interest in others, if you will.
I love your blog. I’m not so blinkered as to think that your life is perfect or your grass is always shiny lush and green. I respect you for WHEN you choose to show us the odd brown patch.
These people who waste their time and energy on negativity towards someone they don’t know do have a choice. If they don’t like what they read they don’t have to. You are not forcing people to subscribe via some strange Svengali like force!
This is more a sign of their lack of empathy or interest in people than yours. That’s for sure.
You just keep being you. Write what you want to write. If others can’t abide it I suggest you advise them politely to delete their subscription. To misquote Gloria Gaynor, “They’re not welcome anymore” .
Ignore. Delete. Breathe. Live. Write.
Naturally Carol says
Maxabella we need people like you because you have such a great outlook, generally, on life. You think deeply and have great insight and yet keep your cool and are bright, have a fantastic sense of humour and are mostly happy. People who tend towards depression, apathy or cynicism need to catch what you’ve got and learn from your great attitude to life. It is not necessarily the ones with the worst possible lives that are unhappy, sometimes those with terrible lives can teach us all a lesson in positive attitudes too…look at Mandela and so many others! Keep up the good work and keep needling us with your love of life.
emma @ frog, goose and bear says
Really?!Really?! I am very surprised that anyone would say those comments about you OR would bother to write them to you. I don’t get that at all from your blog. I absolutely love your positive attitude and you most definitely don’t come across as a lightweight. Even if you have experienced similar hard times to someone else, no-one experiences things in exactly the same way anyway, so of course you can empathise with someone regardless of your own experiences.
Mum on the Run says
My mouth is wide open.
Once again, I’m astonished that peole go out of their way to share negativity far and wide.
Sometimes we do seek out people who have had similar experiences/traumas in life to enjoy a mutual understanding that doesn’t need to be articulated. Sometimes.
In general, however, there are a lot of people who ‘get it’ without ‘living it’. People who can empathises with others and see beyond their own cocoon.
In my opinion, you are one of those and I am blessed to have similar people in my life.
How awful if we all had to endure all of life’s pain just to support someone else through theirs.
I would choose to spend my time basking in the positive glow that comes from people like you, than to be constantly pushed down by negative attitudes.
Life is short and sacred.
We need as much love and light as we can cram into it.
xxx
Catherine says
You know what you are great and I love the way you write. I’ve never thought that you were lightweight in the way you write. You focus on things that relate to all of us in some way and always get us thinking about all perspectives of the situation. There is absolutely nothing wrong with looking at life in a positive way, hey doesn’t that make us get through things easier rather than dwelling on things that could of been or should have been. Keep on writing just the way you do Bron:) xo
Kate Sins says
Jaw’s on the floor… There are people like that? Time to get my head out of the clouds.
Delete delete delete…
Keep doing what you do because for every one email like that there are gazillions more who love who you are and what you have to say. x
Lauren says
Far out, that has not been my experience. It’s actually something I enjoy about your blog, you’re positive, you write about interesting things, present ideas that are one’s I haven’t always thought of, give me amazing birthday party ideas for when I have kids. There’s a realness to what you write, it’d not sweetness and light, some blogs out there are a lot more sugary than yours so to speak 🙂 (your blog doesn’t make me want to puke…some do!) Some people are miserable and I hope you can keep doing what you do and being who you are xx much love xx …perhaps you need some bunting 😉
Maxabella says
OH STOP IT! I didn’t write this post so you could all be your lovely, supportive selves and praise me. Sometimes I forget just how kind the blogging world can be (of course, certain emails allow us to forget from time to time, right?)
Anyway, my post is supposed to be about the ‘light’ versus the ‘dark’… a sort of blogging Star Wars, if you will…
x
Life In A Pink Fibro says
They don’t know you. I do. You’re no lightweight. You make choices every day. Everybody has the same choices to make. Perspective is everything. People come to your blog for a reason. If they don’t get what they need here, they should simply move on. I totally agreed with your happiness post. I wish more people would look for satisfaction with what they have. Nothing is perfect, but perspective (there’s that word again) can make things seem much, much better. Stay on the Light Side, Maxabella. Use the Force.
Notchka says
Gah! What everyone else said. Your a lot of things, but ‘lightweight’ really doesn’t spring to mind. Talking about sad stuff all day doesn’t make you deep, it makes you feel sad!
If I’m having a bad hair day (and frankly this year could be chalked up as one never-ending Donald Trump) I want someone to take some time to listen and then take my mind off to happier things.
I have a close family member with manic depression, so I understand where those comments are coming from – and its really sad they feel that way – but depression can be a big black hole for everybody around said depressed person. Don’t let other’s sadness suck you into a vortex of yuk! Brush that off. Head up. Gimme the glass half full. xx
InkPaperPen says
I’m shocked you have received such emails. When I think of Maxabella Loves, I think of a blog that is open minded, just, considerate and thought provoking. Lightweight? No
Light or dark, I don’t believe any experience or life is any more valid or real than another. x
Cate says
I don’t think being an optimist is about being naive – it just about having a choice and choosing to see the glass is half full. Not everyone has this choice, sure. But that doesn’t make their misfortune your fault.
I’m an optimist. Even with everything I’ve been through this year I will always see the glass as being half full – I love smilies after all 🙂
This doesn’t make me lightweight. Just because I choose not to blog every crappy thought that comes into my head deosn’t mean my life is sunshine and unicorns pooping rainbows 24/7. And I assume your life is the same.
The anonymity of the internet is a curse as well as a blessing. It brings us freedom to speak our minds, but it also gives others free license to act total cocks.
My rule is if I wouldn’t say it to their face I wouldn’t say it on the internet (or via email) – perhaps these people should apply this rule to their own lives. Or perhaps they just need to get their own blogs 🙂
xxxCate
little love says
Hmmmm. I think people are quick to judge & to make assumptions! I think you’re lucky that you’re optimistic & happy – I’d love to have that sort of personality. Sadly, I’m of the more pessimistic variety but I’m trying real hard to change teams!
Everyones experiences makes them the person that they are – no one knows what others have gone through. Since losing my baby I’ve realised that I never truly understood what friends who had experienced the same horrible thing have gone through. Now I know, when I hear of others that have experienced this since I have a different understanding of it all. But hey, everyones experience of life is truly unique.
You keep doing what you’re doing.
rex says
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tas says
Yikes, Bron. Tough crowd 🙁
I agree with the dozens of supportive comments made earlier.
Sadly the internet makes it so damn easy to say things that might be rude or offensive. Definately one of the down sides to blogging.
supermac says
I can’t believe how some people can be so mean.
Red Dalish says
Hi Maxabella, I have only just found your blog, so my comment is only about what you ask, not who you are. Though, my guess is you are a lovely person judging by what those above me here have said.
I’m one of those people who seem to attract people with problems. I guess I have a natural ‘helper’ instinct. I’ve learnt over the years to help without losing myself. More to sympathise than empathise.
What I’ve noticed is that some people who are depressed or in a dark place often lash out because they want that person to feel like they do, to equal the power or to establish a common ground. It is always more about them than the person they are attacking.
If someone else had written your post, what would you have said to them? I’m guessing your advice would be sound.
Bungalowgirl says
Firstly I would absolutely not describe you as a lightweight froth blogger. Your blog posts might have a general optimistic tone but often raise issues that are difficult, challenging and show that you are obviously a thinker.
Secondly, I don’t believe you need to live through a trauma to be able to empathize with or provide meaningful support to that person.
Thirdly, anyone who thinks people ARE the sum content of their blog posts are nitwits.
Lastly, I am not naturally an optimist but work hard at trying to do what does not come easily. I do also believe that being faced with significant adversity does force a person to either grow or wither and that I would probably respect the words of an optimist more if I knew that they had overcome big challenges. Put it this way, I am yet to read any of the Dalai Lamas books on happiness because frankly I don’t believe he has the answers to being a more zen like mother when he has quite patently never had a toddler refuse to get in their car seat/need to strip their clothes hysterically after 1 drop of water, moo repeatedly over and over for much of the day etc etc. Bring on a guru who is a woman and a mother of small children please. Until then, please fill the shortfall with your posts. melx
Ida says
I found you blog a few days ago, so I can only comment on what I’ve read so far, (I also read the get to know you more pages)
No one has an EASY life, oh my goodness to say that you or anyone else has had an easy life without really knowing you is hard core assumption.
There are people out there who you just can’t help,(because they don’t want to be helped) but to have empapthy without having experianced is totally possible,I do this on a daily basices, yes it is hard but it is achievable.
Just because someone choses to write about the brighter side of life doesnt mean they are any less of a person it in fact makes them a champion, because they rise above the crap that life throws at them, and don’t let anyone tell you your not a champion cause I bet you brighten up more peoples days then not.
Being real isnt about what bad things have happened to to, its about being TRUE to yourself.
Sarah Mac says
Ouch indeed!
I don’t feel the same outrage that some people do on your behalf.
That’s not to say that I think you deserve those comments, you clearly don’t.
The comments are extremely judgemental and from people who know only the parts of you that you choose to share. If those are the happy upbeat parts then that’s your choice.
You don’t need to ‘soul bear’ if you choose not to. It doesn’t make you less of a person.
In my opinion they are clearly unhappy and unhappy people often percieve others as ‘rubbing their noses’ in their happiness.
You have a right to be happy, to have a ‘charmed life’ and those who suggest that you don’t should ask themselves why?
Would their lives be happier if yours was less so?
Tricia Rose says
If suffering engenders empathy and non-judgement, your critics haven’t suffered quite enough yet have they?
Now that I have been snarky (got it out of my system) I have to say it is true, the bad things you survive do deepen your understanding and fellow feeling. They can also make you bitter and grudging, an awful lot still depends on the person you are! We have little control over it anyway.
Kim H says
What??? Crap!!! I can’t believe people are so flippin bored that they need to write crap like that.
Of course you can feel empathy without ahving walked in people’s shoes. I don’t get it though, I’ve always felt you write from the heart and that’s what connects us all to you. What more can you do but write from the heart. And as far as being a lightweight – well what a compliment. This flippin life is hard enough, surely we don’t need to hear about whingeing and wining every step of the way? Keep on doing what your doing and being who you are, Bron. It’s so very lovely! xx
Rhonda says
I think a lot of life is what you make it, granted there are circumstances beyond one’s control. I had a terrible childhood, but my life is fairly charmed now. Sure there are some bumps and bruises but I choose to be happy. If others can’t get over their issues and choose to be happy then that is on them, certainly not on you.
Personally you have been very empathetic of my infertility situation. As well as supportive.
Those negative asshats can suck it.
rex says
Some people are caught up in their own pain, and become twisted with their views on others. I wrote an early comment buy decided mt example was a little to much, anyway I believe have often been judged like yourself, and popped in the some basket. We all have hardship and no- one should compare or judge another on this. We never know what’s around the corner for any one of us.
And lightweight is a ridiculous word, one I have never understood. Your blog is far from average, because the things I have blurted out in comments are things that are of my heart.
joeh says
There are people who choose to be miserable. Their only claim to fame is to be more miserable than everyone else.
For those who choose to keep score, and life is like golf – low score wins, then I concede, you win, congratulations on having a miserable unhappy life. Enjoy your pity party, please do not invite me.
The Cranky Old Man
Just Martha says
How interesting that people feel the need to be so judgmental!I don’t agree either. I l-o-v-e your posts because they are so deep, so thought provoking. Not everyone whinges and complains about life, some just get on with it and live with the glass half full type of view. I would rather be one of those any day…
Madmother says
I apologise, for I have not read all the comments.
But my take is this… Life is bloody hard, for everybody. We turn on the TV, the news is full of tragedy and bad shit. We are in the midst of a recession. Life is pretty scary for all atm. Then I go to my blog list.
Lots of posts, some I read, some I do not.
BUT, when one from Maxabella pops up… I think “Aaah, some light and happiness in a dark day.” I may not always comment but I always read.
For you are a glass half full girl, and it is why I come back again and again and again.
We don’t have to share every bad thing or provide a resume of “why I am worthy to post”, and peole who feel the need to e-mail shit like that to you obviously have other issues. They can just click that x at the top right and never come back.
Pure jealousy over your popularity I would say.
Don’t change.
mel @ loved says
Far out! I can’t believe people actually wrote that to you! No, I don’t think you have to experience those things to have empathy or to be able to help people, those things come naturally because you are human, surely! Go on being happy Bron, there is nothing wrong with feeling blessed & expressing your gratitude for this life you live. Bad things do happen to good people, all the time, & that makes their experience real, but because it hasn’t happened to you/us shouldn’t stop us from trying to understand or being able to help & offer support..x
Sally says
Don’t over think it Bron. No one really “gets it”, and they’d be arrogant if they claimed they did. Each person’s experience is unique so no one but that person “gets it”, being a good listener is the key and I’m pretty confident that your communication skills are A+.
CurlyPops says
Bad things happen to everyone. It’s just a fact of life.
Some choose to dwell on the negative and some choose to dwell on the positive.
I don’t think it’s fair to judge anyone either way.
I make a conscious effort each and every day to be happy and to get on with life. That’s my choice and I’d be devastated if other started criticising me for it.
My advice is to ignore it and just keep blogging the way you want!
Caz Makepeace says
how ridiculous!
Be the light Bron, be the light!
I am a positive, happy person and to be honest I don’t see the point in life being any other way.
This does not mean that I don’t have problems in my life and have severe challenges. Geez, I could share some of them.
It means that I choose to nnot let my problems own me. I choose to be happy. What these people don’t understand that they too can choose. They are letting their problems define who they are.
Life is too short to live it this way. Say yes, I have some shitty things going on in my life right now, but you know what there is a lot of good that I can focus on if I just take the time to do that.
I love for our world to have more happy positive people. Just makes for a better world and I find people who are like that inspiring, showing me how I can be the same way.
And if you have been able to live a life that hasn’t had many problems then how awesome is that! Doesn’t mean you don’t have empathy or compassion
happylan says
I probably don’t have anything original to add to these comments, but I feel compelled to reply. I really can’t believe people del compelled to comment or write to you and say these things. I for one never assume someone’s life is easy because of what they write or do not write on their blog. And I do not begrudge someone a fortunate life or an optimistic attitude. Your soul comes through in what you write, and I am drawn to what you write because it has substance. You do not need to experience great suffering to write in a compelling manner, or be empathetic to other human beings. I am another who has benefited from a kind comment here and there from you. Kindness is so important in this world and you have a gift for that.
Miss Mandy says
Wow.
I’m sorry to see you’ve received those emails, I don’t understand why they are necessary.
You ask do you have to experience to be able to empathise. No. Maybe you have to experience to truly understand, but we can all empathise.
Good on you for living an optomistic life. Goodness knows it’s what I’m aiming for. I just got asked by a kinder mum, if I was OK, because I’d blogged about being unhealthy and how it was making me feel. Apparently ‘they are all worried about me’. So we try to be authentic, try to show we’re real, try to show no we are not Martha Stewart, but which ever way the coin drops, or you choose to blog, someone will interpret it wrong, critise you. Stay strong and remember, that in fact the majority of readers love your blog, you’re very successful at this blogging thing and that’s because what you offer is wonderful.
The Accidental Country Girl says
I am exactly the same. I admit that I wear Rose-coloured glasses and have had a blessed life but I completely agree that it is my perception of my life that makes me see my life as blessed.
I have had to deal with really hard situations and times in my life but have just kept soldiering on.
I think we are actually the strong ones. We get on with it no matter how tough but we can see the positive and don’t dwell in the negative.
People mistake my niceness (is this even a word) as weakness all the time but you probably won’t meet anyone as strong as us.
I’m so glad that I read your post today.
Corinne – Daze of My Life says
I find it strange that people think that if you’re an optimist you mustn’t have had ‘bad’ stuff happen.
I’m essentially an optimist, I do have my moments of doom & gloom, but I generally believe everything will be OK and look on the bright side more often than not.
I may be an optimist, but my husband is a pessimist. He has suffered loss, anger and grief. I may not have experienced the same things, but I do think we help each other. We balance the light and dark.
Jodi @ Lipgloss Mumma says
I can’t believe that people email you with those sorts of comments.
Get a life people! If you don’t like what you read, don’t read it.
Why isn’t it just that simple?
Every one has a bit of light, bit of dark. Every one has experienced different things. That is life.
That is all.
Vanessa says
I have never watched Star Wars, much to my husband’s horror.
It is all about perspective. I am often tole IRL that it is easy for me….. Whatever!
Aneets says
I cannot get over how rude people are online. What happened to manners?
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
holy crap bron! hmmm i really don’t know how to make this a short comment but here i goes…
firstly, you do not need to experience said sadness to empathise with others – you just need to be a listener which i think you are.
Secondly think about what your blog is about – about the stuff you love, your quirky take on things and a little fun and light stuff to brighten our day. Yes you tackle some bigger issues there too – but i would never assume that you come across as an expert in the field – just a person with an opinion.
And thirdly, as a fan of your blog i come here to feel good, have a laugh and almost feel part of a secondary online mother’s group….a chat, a gossip and laugh a cry and we’re done.
So the optimist that you are will shirk off those silly emails that you received….I can’t say why you get them as i don’t know what would drive someone to consciously write you those comments, but desperation and envy can do that. I know if i don’t like the tone of a blogger i stay away…..maybe that’s what they should do.
I think sometimes because a blog can be a place of happy and light and breazy that people assume that there is no hard life or dark times….you just choose not to make them public…. i know i do. and i know that when i’m going through hard times i rely on my blog even more to consciously be in a happy state of mind and let even more happiness in…
you go girl – you are a star in my eyes
xx
Heather says
Look hon those comments about you are complete nonsense. I can’t believe you would even start to question yourself. I have loved and admired you from the first moment you and that lovely husband of yours came knocking on my door. Those people who made those comments don’t know you. They might read your blog but that is about it. You do have a beautiful life but it hasn’t just fallen into your lap, you have made it happen. Importantly though, it is easy to think that everyone else has the ‘perfect’ life. I think we all should just stop comparing so damn much…that kind of stuff gets too boring for words!
Anyways…got that tat yet??!! xxx
Donna says
Oh my, where to start…
Firstly, shall I say that I will never understand this need of some to be negative toward bloggers. If you dont like what you read, click close! Dont come back! You are essentially being rude to the host of the house and its utterly uncouth behaviour.
Secondly, who ever really knows what is happening in anyone’s world? No one should ever dare to assume that just because someone has chosen to focus on the positives of life that it means they’ve no taste of negatives. It just means they have made the CHOICE to be this way as its their right to do so.
And thirdly, by offering this beautiful, happy, shiny blog space (which I also think is peppered with some lovely cheeky wit and SUPERB writing) you are helping more than you will ever know.
As you were Maxabella xx
Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' says
Where to start?
You know …
I think your optimism COMES from your experience. And I actually envy the way you’re able to see pictures bigger than I’m often able to see.
And I don’t find that it comes from a sheltered, or charmed life.
And I also don’t think you need to have suffered, or whatnot, to truly ‘know’ life.
I guess there are some truly ignorant out there. And some truly jealous.
The best comment you ever wrote on my blog? It was a cold, hard truth, & yet executed so perfectly.
It was about ‘the silent treatment’ & how my use of it on Dave is really a form of abuse. And you’re right. It is. And ever since, I’ve ‘silently’ thanked you for pointing a truth out to me in a way so beautifully done, I’d almost have expected it have come from a a very dear friend.
To me, that is wisdom. And experience. And an ability to offer insight into a situation you’d know nothing about, because I can’t imagine you’d ever have resorted to the silent treatment in your own marriage.
But you know love. And respect.
So don’t change 🙂
And thankyou for being that friend 🙂
Faux Fuchsia says
Love this post. no way do you have to physically have lived through something to empathise.
Anyone with a half decent imagination can give empathy a red hot go.
I get hate mail, some of it vicious, some of it spiteful, most of it with strange spelling. I just up the gardening posts when this happens.
Love the blog. x
Tat @ Mum in search says
I tend to gravitate towards positive people and blogs, those who look for lessons even if something not so good happens them and generally look on the brighter side of life. It helps me find my own brighter side of life. It really helps.
Becky from BeckyandJames.com says
oh wow. I love your blog and your positive attitude, I am drawn to how you voice your opinions, thoughts and stories.
The fact that you do write like this has never left me thinking that you’ve had a perfect life, I just like to see that you’re looking on the bright side through all the life stuff – it gives me hope that I can do so, too. One day.
I just can’t believe these things have been said to you. We need people like you – not a lightweight but a light. You so often make me smile when I feel down and it’s priceless and you don’t even know it.
Red Roses and Crystal says
Cripes people amaze me. How can they think they know a blogger’s true life situation if the blogger chooses to not reveal all the crap that’s occurred in their life.
Maybe it’s a symptom of social media whereby folk expect to be privy to a persons every life experience to deem them worthy of possessing compassion?
Am new here so must play catch up with your posts. Loving the blog so far
Annie xx
Xx
Simoney says
OK, I’m late to the party yet again, but here is my two cents.
Firstly, no WAY are you a lightweight. Some of the most considered, deep and wonderful thoughts I’ve read on a blog have been written by YOU.
Secondly, no you don’t have to have been through depression to be “there” for someone who is suffering with it. My dearest freind had never experienced it either, and yet she was the one who was there for me without fail. She said, I don’t understand, but I’m here for you. She loved me regardless. this was the most precious thing in the world to me.
If you were a lightweight who was not “real” I am afraid that i would feel no connection to you whatsoever. Frankly, i would not be reading you. I have so many things to do, I don’t have the time to waste on blogs that aren’t real.
You, dear girl, are REAL.
So maybe you have a “glass half full” perspective – well I think that’s FAB and it’s something that i personally am inspired by.
xx
Leisa says
I’ve been thinking a lot about this post since you wrote it. (even printed it out so I could ponder on it at home.)
No, I don’t think you need to really experience something to empathise. My best friend has a relatively trouble-free life compared to what I have been through and yet she is the most loving, empathetic and supportive person – the one I will run to for help and comfort and solace. It is her positivity and her listening ear (despite not having an inkling of what it’s like to be me) that comforts me and encourages me. She lets me cry and rant and hurt even though her life is totally different to mine and I feel as though she really DOES empathise without even having an inkling of what it’s like to be me.
Keep being you Bron. I love reading your life. It gives me hope. 🙂
annie says
Go towards the light.
MummyK says
Personally, I’d rather read an uplifting blog than one that whines and cries all the time. Life gets hard and if I read nothing but negative posts that will only make things worse. Write what you want. From the heart. That’s the only way.
Oh Gorgeous Baby says
I think we can experience life in two different ways. 1.that is by either getting up and getting on with things 2. by dwelling on things. We all probably live a little of both through out our lives at some stage, but usually you are mostly one or the other. I think some people become bitter and twisted about things they have experienced and can take this out on others too, even when they don’t mean too.
Like for instance having my daughter 3 months premature was one of the toughest times of my life, but it also taught me a hell of a lot about myself and people around me. I could look at it as the worst time of my life (like many do) yet I choose to look at it as an
unexpected early arrival filled with beautiful and amazing people.
I haven’t always felt like that and it wasn’t instant. However, it was very early on. Even when we were still in NICU I felt I had to just accept my daughter for how she was and embrace the experience or I would be so lost in being angry I would loose time with her. I think people thought I was crazy but I wasn’t, I had just chosen to accept and deal with this experience in our life. I am a much better person for it and I can not begrudge my daughter, myself or doctors for what happened.
I don’t think you necessarily have to experience something to empathise and support people. Being there doesn’t require experience, tact & heart is something we can all provide if we try…some are just scared of trying in case they do/say the wrong thing.
I don’t think it should matter if you are a lightweight or a heaveyweight blogger (whats with the labels?) As long as you’ve got something to give then that’s all that matters.
And I am sorry for the haters, those emails aren’t nice and noone including you, deserves that. I guess all you can do is accept that others will have their opinions which they are welcome to have, you just don’t need to read into them.
xxxxxx