Why is everyone talking about ‘me time’ all the time? Everywhere I look there’s a new article, blog post, billboard shouting at me to go and get me some ‘me time’. There’s a faintly patronising sniff to them all too. Like, poor dear, you’re so completely busy and so unselfish and disciplined that you put every thing about yourself on hold just to look after your newly-formed kids. Dear god, you’ve lost the ability to soak in a hot bath while sipping herbal tea and reading a magazine.
Luckily these articles are here to remind us what a bubble bath looks like.
What the hell is ‘me time’ anyway? Though it sounds faintly mastabatory (is that even a word… it’s a good word), I’m sure that’s not the intention behind it… Do you have to be by yourself? Could you go out for coffee with friends and consider that ‘me time’? Could you go with your husband? What if you wanted to bring the kids along on your ‘me time’? Is that allowed?
Does spending an hour collapsed on the couch at the end of the day qualify?
Well, if you read the stories right, it would appear you can’t have random ‘me time’. It needs to be scheduled into your busy, busy day in order to qualify. Most reports would indicate that you’re spending way too much time looking after the needs of others, whatever that means, and not enough time doing ‘me time’ things, whatever they are. You need to love yourself first before you can love your family and that involves some pretty comprehensive time management. Schedule in time for yourself to… be yourself… and all manner of lovely things are going to happen to you, no doubt about it.
Time spent in or quaffing bubbles is definitely ‘me time’, but only the former is allowed when solo. Reading a book is great if it’s not from the ‘parenting’ section of the bookstore. Enjoying time on your favourite hobby is ideal, but not if you open an Etsy store. Getting that much needed aromatherapy massage or hydrating facial qualifies, but a leg or moustache wax might not be acceptable and remedial massage from your physio for lower back pain caused by your pelvis shifting during pregnancy is definitely out. Meeting ‘the girls’ for a chit-chat is in for sure, but not if it involves a park and pushing kids on swings.
Basically, anywhere you’re getting pampered, not paid, and the children and husband are off limits is absolute top-quality ‘me time’.
But then, what would I know? I don’t even know what this ‘me time’ business is… all I know is that life is sometimes overwhelming and there’s lots of stuff you’ve gotta do and some stuff you just don’t. And when it all comes down to it, I’m just ever so grateful that I’m not American because over there they call it ‘mommy time’, which makes me dry-retch even more.
Lib says
As usual your labels make me giggle! I’m a ‘me-time’ free zone….it’s not scheduled or diarised but thankfully it does manage to happen (ie I get to have child and husband free time quite often).
I like to frequently remind them all very loudly “have you all forgotten that It’s.All.About.Me???!!!” only joking (not really!)
Cazzamatazz says
I’m not very good at ‘me time’ because I dislike spending a lot of time by myself. Does that make me a bad person? Maybe. But I just find more enjoyment in spending time with others than just me.
Caroline says
Haha brilliant! It’s weird how it that little phrase has infiltrated womens’ lives (men don’t have me-time do they?), a bit like ‘because you’re worth it’ and all that malarky. It’s probably designed to make us spend money or something. Having said that, I’m sticking by my ‘me-time’, as least as an excuse with the hubby π
ps mastabatory – hahaha!
Miss Pink says
Everyone does deserve “me time”!
It doesn’t need to be alone time. I never saw that rule.
It’s just time that helps you to relax and unwind. It may be reading to your children, or watching TV with your husband, or may be coffee with a friend, or using the toilet alone.
I think you do get “me time” far more than you realise π
Miss Pink says
Also I should add that I believe work to be “me time”. It’s a change in roles, and it helps to refresh a lot more than people realise.
Toni says
The only time I hanker (like that word? hanker?) for ‘me-time’ is in the holidays, except it’s called “Just-for-the-love-of-God-leave-me-alone-for-FIVE-FRIGGING-MINUTES-PLEASE time”.
And I don’t schedule it because I’m a lazy, selfish, un-motivated mother who stays at home all day and doesn’t ‘do’ anything she doesn’t want to.
As a lifestyle, I highly recommend it.
x
Sam says
He he, this is well timed for me, the term “me-time” sounds so self-indulgent doesn’t it? I don’t have regular me-time, but last week I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted (as much I hate to admit it, I think I was me-time deprived), so went away for a night (without hubby & kids), cleared my head, and recharged my batteries, recommend it totally!:)
Reannon Hope says
I never schedule ” me ” time but I like doing things that are just for me. It can be laying on the lounge, ignoring the housework & watch trashy tv ( ie the kardashian clan). It can be reading a book, watering the garden late in the afternoon or even doing a face mask. I love it when my hubby buys me dayspa vouchers because that is something I never do for myself & he does it do I have time out away from every day crap… He’s good like that π
Mrs Clark says
Yep!
And I love it!
But I also love your rants!
I do, I do!! π
Mrs Clark says
I should say I don’t schedule it.
When it comes up I jump at it!!
I usually get kicked out of the house by the hubby.
Bless him!
Coal Valley View says
You crack me up so much! I agree – I understand the concept of me-time and consider it just time to do things that I enjoy whatever that may be with whoever I want it to be but I totally dislike the word “me-time” almost as much as i dislike the word “play date”. Cringe. xx
lipgloss mumma says
Me time? Absolutely. But hey, I’m selfish like that and am totally okay with spending time with just me. Hell, why wouldn’t I?
Miss Mandy says
I never think ‘oh need to schedule me some me time’ but I do believe I’m entitled to my own social life that does not have to involve the husband nor the kids.
Just Mum :) says
Sometimes if you have to PLAN me-time it becomes yet another job to do. I say take it when it pops up…like having 10minutes to read blogs!!
Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' says
I’d rather schedule a lobotomy than soak in a bath.
How dull. Just you, the ceiling, a book you try your best not to get wet, & water that inevitably turns cold.
I just don’t get it.
For me, I don’t schedule anything in, but I have loved driving to work with my music so bloody loud, & singing even louder π
I don’t know what that is. But it’s been wonderful for the soul.
And for us, I love a weekend without a frikkin’ birthday/baptism/30th/engagement/wedding/wedding rehearsal/minding my friend’s kids so THEY can get THEIR fucking hair done (I know where you stand on this Bron. I know!) π
I crave the quiet weekends where it’s just me, Dave, Max, our house, & the quality time spent within those four walls.
LOVE. IT!
Jo @Country life experiment says
I hate the idea of demanding that I get scheduled “me” time. Do I get time by myself – sometimes yes. Sometimes I plan to do something without the family, but I can’t stand this idea that I need to go somewhere and do something special to ‘spoil’ myself to qualify. As a parent sometimes you just have to put your kids needs first – that’s what you signed up for when you had them.
InkPaperPen says
Totally agree. I have had a post in my draft box for about 2 years now, expressing a similar feeling towards the “me time” bandwagon. What the hell does it mean?? I guess the marketing companies figured out it was a concept worth latching on to. We seem to be a bit obsessed with the old me time, always looking for it, always talking about it, never feeling like we have enough of it. Between all the special time we are supposed to schedule : one on one time for each child, girl time, me time, family time, date night, work time – no wonder we all feel so damn busy.
Diminishing Lucy says
Any time to myself that I can steal, any time when I am not tethered to kids, husband and home or other familial responsibility. I love them all. I love myself too.
Maryandlil says
Ahhh me time….I have forgotten what that is! Really me time is me locking myself in the toilet for five minutes where I don’t hear “muuuuuuum”!! My idea of REAL me time is a tropical island far far away but that ain’t going to happen anytime soon!!
Cindi says
You know, I had to chime in once I saw the “American” comment.
;p
Schedule? No. Take? I suppose. “Mommy” time? Big NO, unless you consider napping with both dogs snoring alongside me to be “Mommy” time.
My definition of “me” time is any time that makes me feel happy or relaxed.
It can include the hubby, or the girlfriends (tho I don’t have any here in TX), or the dogs.
It might mean a bubble bath, a glass of wine, a good book.
Or it might mean fishing, cracking open a can of beer, and farting out loud just because I can blame it on the nearby cattle.
My “me” time might be blogging about someone that tweaked me off, or plotting how to dispose of their body in my next book.
“Me” time… ha. Every day, every second I’m above ground is ME time. Everyone else can schedule around it.
Sammie says
Oh gosh! And I thOught ‘me time’ was when I got 5 mins to sit and have a cuppa while A slept and the chores could wait!
Sarah Humphreys says
Oh i love me time! I’m so happy in my own company, pottering around in silence, dreaming up ideas, sitting quietly, napping, drinking tea, crocheting, knitting and maybe even having a bath. Ah!
For reals too!
I can see how this would be boring to a lot of people though, it’s not for everyone.
My favourite times though are usually with the ones i love, especially my beautiful Jude. Smiling, laughing, snuggling…
Lou says
Me time? I admit I kind of schedule it in under the guise of ‘working from home day’ when the kids get shipped out to a friend once a week… Sure I mainly spend me time in front of the computer but I’m guaranteed to finish every cup of tea I make and I can unpack the dishwasher as loudly as I want. It’s enough!
Peggy says
I am not sure about ‘me’ time, but I am big on self-love (not THAT kind of self-love Bron). Doing small things that bring me joy, with or without the kid, whatever pleases me at the time.
I’m not sure ‘me’ time needs to have restrictions, I guess the ideas out there are just ideas. I’d choose time with my boys over time at the spa or cafe or out with friends anytime.
Mrs BC says
I can’t do baths, it’s just soaking in your own dirt while the water goes cold. Blergh! I do actually schedule time for myself though, otherwise I wouldn’t get time to excercise, opshop, read, or have a quiet lunch of sushi & a magazine to read, uninterupted. I know from experience that if I don’t look after myself (for me that means getting headspace) I am not so good at looking after others. It’s not cheesy, it works!
xx
Sally says
Nope. I don’t schedule “me time” but my psych. impressed on me the importance of taking time out and looking after myself. I grab it when I can and try hard to wave the flag that I need it before I break down. Personally it means different things to me at different times – what it takes to look after myself changes from day to day. Perhaps one day I just need the space to go to the toilet on my own, maybe on another I just need to get out into the backyard, hang out the washing and complete a thought without interruption, other days it might be taking a walk sans children. I have a key ring that says something to the effect that the best way to care for your family is to look after yourself. I try. Sometime I’m good at it. Sometimes I’m not. That’s life.
Aakriti says
Hey Maxy…just other day we were dicussing in one of our classes and our teacher asked us if we actually spent even a moment in the whole day when we are just “being” and not “doing” anything. My answer to myself was more towards No.! By being she meant. not thinking, reading, talking etc. just being ourselves…ur “me time” beings me closer to that dicussion. and though I’m far from being a mum, but I often wonder that they get hammered by finding time for themselves …and I really feel that they should find time too. As goes for the mums who like being around with their kids….I guess that becomes their “me time”:)
Privet and Holly says
Sorry to disappoint,
But perhaps it will
quell your queasiness:
I am American and
have NEVER heard
nor used the term
“Mommy time.” My
younger is 13, so it
could be generational?
I get a bit miffed that the
media seems to hone in
on females for Me Time.
My husband grinds away
at his job and then happily
coaches when his schedule
allows. It would never in
a million years occur to
to him to require Me Time.
Sadly, we have entered
a time in our culture when
“it’s all about me” seems
to prevail. Ironically, the
sermon at church yesterday,
was “It’s not all about you!”
so your post really resonates….
Hugs,
Suzanne
EmmaK says
I am a sucker for me time. In fact most of the time the kids are at school is me-time. I go to peruse books in bookshops, pedicure and manicure, hairdresser, shopping for gourmet foods just for fun. Also lunches with friends, idly looking at clothes in fancy stores etc. I am the Queen of ME!!
mommatojoa says
I don’t schedule “me time”. Mine is random, hubby takes kids to the store, or watches the kids while I go do something.
Baju Muslim says
This is a great posting I have read. I like your article
Simoney says
Ouch. And here’s me just sending off my latest article to Parenting mag all about “me time”!!!
Thankfully I am NOT american, nor do i think that “me time” has to be alone. ANYTHING we enjoy qualifies, in my book. Something beyond housework drudge and taxi-ing duties.
Just so we know we’re alive and have a name other than “muuuuum”!!!!!
Heck, getting to sit on the loo without an audience is sometimes a treat in those early mother-years.
Maxabella, as always you make me smile while at the same time challenging me to THINK.
THANKYOU!!!
xx
Shelley says
Why isn’t it called ‘I time’?? π The only time I am by myself is when I run. No wonder I’m racking up those kms every week!! xx
Cindi says
LOL – just read this blog and thought you’d relate. http://www.kindovermatter.com/2012/03/finding-my-compassionate-badass-balance.html
Heather says
I don’t know if this is ‘me time’ but my swim twice a week is my time out to recharge the batteries and I feel so much better for it. I think that everyone needs ‘time out’ sometimes but that is in whatever size or shape you want or need it to be. Having a break is important and I think that sometimes mums can feel guilty about needing that break – I know that I can feel guilty sometimes which is crazy. I am all for ‘me time’ or whatever you want to call it! x
Faux Fuchsia says
I don’t know if I have “Me Time” but I do lots of things I really enjoy, like reading books, cooking up feasts, gardening, going to movies, chatting to friends etc.
I know from watching years and years of Oprah and Dr Phil that if you don’t take care of yourself, you have nothing to give to your loved ones.
I think wanting to have some time apart from your kids is normal and natural. But I get that by hauling self into ye olde Coalface day in day out to earn the money to action the stuff listed in the 1st paragraph.
That is All.
Carry On. x
Veronica @ Mixed Gems says
“Me-time” is anytime I get to do something for myself whether it be light a candle with a fragrant smell, make a pot of my favourite T2 tea, reading blogs, watch a favourite TV show via the internet (since you can’t have “me-time” when you’re putting the kids who won’t sleep to bed!). I don’t schedule it. I just take those moments as they come. See it as a personal “time-out” to collect myself before I become a frantic and frustrated excuse for a human being!
Kelly Exeter says
Whoah – that’s a lot of comments already! I have me time every day (I call it exercise) and me time every night (I call it reading before I go to bed).
My brother also has what he calls “Rory time” which is his walk to and from the train station each day – iPod in and blaring π
Scheduled or not, I think that shizz is important π
Tas says
I don’t care what the label is but any time that I can get free of domestic duties, offspring and life partner is fabulous. To each their own but I can assure you that I don’t waste it on masturbating π And I don’t include my exercise as me time because it’s not fun and it usually involves a little one waiting till I am breathless than spewing forth 10 questions and asking why I am not dressed like the stick-thin, perky Zumba girls on the DVD…but that’s another issue.
I guess it is a bit like some women like hanging out with other women and other women throw up at the prospect.
Keeps the world interesting.
melissa says
I don’t ‘schedule’ anything, but I do think it’s good for everyone to have some time doing what they enjoy doing and I think it’s of benefit if it is something separate to the parenting role.
Not sure what you mean by men no having ‘me time’ though? Surely things like going to the gym, playing basketball, golf, or friday night after work drinks etc count as ‘me time’ for a male…
My husband’s time out is playing sport, catching up with friends, meeting his dad at RSL or having a coffee by himself.
Mine is taking/editing photos, catching up with friends, reading a book or having the house all to myself!
I love ‘time for me’ which for me (as an introvert) often equates to time ‘by myself’.
Seaside Siblings says
Me and the kids are a package deal. But, I have to admit, I am super excited at the prospect of heading to ‘the big smoke’ to do some clothes shopping without kids in tow soon. First time in several years that I will spend the day without the kids.
Cat says
I really, really , really struggle when I’m not left alone for at least a little while. And I need to be alone. I’ve always needed to be alone some of the time. I feel like someone always needs a piece of me between 5am & 9pm (& actually a lot overnight thanks to the baby). I don’t care how that time comes about or what I spend it doing but I want the luxury of doing what I decide to do without having to negotiate it with anyone else. It’s actually the thing I struggle with most with a baby. I can deal with sleep deprivation better than the lack of time I get to just sit quietly or dance crazily or have dinner with a friend. I miss my own company if I don’t get to step away from my boys every now and again.
Deb @ home life simplified says
Self care / me time / whatever you want to call it – I love it and need it. I am in the camp that does not think it means alone time – it just means making sure you take care of your own needs and trust me there are many people out there neglecting their own interests for years in the name of family and work.
As an introvert most of my me time is alone time but do also go out with girlfriends or my husband
Cath says
Does painting the house or weeding the garden count? It seems to be the only time when I have my own headspace – without having to justify my “work-at-home” status or have a Munchkin talking my ear off. Besides, I find it most enjoyable AND productive, which gets all those “must-dos” off my back for a while!
Jackie K says
I don’t schedule it because I grab time when I can during the day, for sitting with coffee and newspaper, watching an occasional TV show, lying on my bed reading a book, or playing around on my laptop. It’s often first thing in the morning, while the kids are playing or watching a movie in the afternoon, or late at night.
I HATE long baths, getting my hair done, getting “pampered” at a salon etc – boring for me.
Jackie K says
Cat, I am the same as you: need some alone time every day (doesn’t need to be much, but I need it). This was also the thing I found hardest when my kids were babies/toddlers.
Sonia @ Life Love and Hiccups says
You totally crack me up Bron – you know how to call a spade a spade without offending the said spade and I seriously admire that in you. xx
Paula says
Don’t schedule it but get the concept. I always think of mumma’s who live a gazillion miles from relatives/ friends/anyone prepared to look after the kids for five minutes, with a hubby that works ridiculously long office hours. And they are the last ones to schedule it. Pre-kids, the hubby and I lived in eachothers pockets and liked it that way. So I miss ‘we’ time – the first thing I hope to schedule is a belated wedding anniversary dinner π
Rhonda says
I have to say I’ve never heard it referenced as “mommy time” or else I would throw up in my mouth.
I don’t schedule “me time”. I just take a few minutes here and there to do what I want to do.
Veggie Mama says
Of course it’s a word… you just spelled it wrong!
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
Well I like to think of it as solitude…not me time…but any time when can just ‘have a moment’ and my mind slows….I think that is the key. With my son at school I’ve been having s blast with one on one time with my daughter and hell I’d call that me time it’s been so good. Each to their own I reckon, whatever floats your boat….and if we were American we’d have shrinks to tell us about me time and then ask us how we feel about that as we lay on their couch!!!
Box
Julie says
I think it’s important to make time for yourself. I love my family to bits, but I find that I function better when I have had a break and done something just for me! Whether it’s getting my hair done or catching up with a friend for a coffee and a spot of shopping.
It’s not something I do on a regular basis, but when I do, I make sure I enjoy it.
Good Golly Miss Holly! says
I find the concept of ‘me time’ very patronising too! I am busy but I’m also damn selfish – If I want to read or have long, hot shower on my own then I do it. No song or dance or pencilling in anything, I just freaking do it! x
Polly says
I like to stand at the front door and wait for my husband to come home so that I can drive to the bottle shop by myself, well at least when I am not pregnant.