I’m considering getting a cleaner. I had a cleaner for 1 week back in 2005. LOML gave me a cleaner for my birthday when I was 7 months pregnant with Cappers, Maxi was 11 months old and I was working 3 days a week. I thought I couldn’t possibly find time to clean the house with that sort of workload, little knowing that just 1 and a half years later I would have a 2 year old, a one year old, a four day a week job and be studying for a university diploma that I would never finish.
I’m just showing off – none of that has any relevance to this post whatsoever.
So, it didn’t work out with my 2005 cleaner for a few reasons.
1. She sucked at cleaning
2. I was home watching her suck at cleaning
3. I do not suck at cleaning and would happily do a much better job at it if someone was paying me $25 an hour
Like I said, it didn’t work out.
But now that I’m working from home (I will tell you what I’m doing soon, I promise!), the house needs more cleaning and I’m just too busy and tired and old to be bothered killing myself to fit all this cleaning into my busy, tired and old schedule.
So, on Monday I was chatting to the school mums about the merits of getting a cleaner and I asked them exactly what they get their cleaner to clean.
Bathrooms, kitchens and floors.
Numbers one, two and three on every person’s list.
Mine is different. I don’t mind keeping the bathroom and kitchen scrubbed. I’ll zip through them a couple of times a week with a (sort of) smile (ish). The floors I don’t mind because clean floors makes you feel like your whole house is clean. There is satisfaction in floors.
No, this is what I want a cleaner to come in and do at my place:
Tidy up the #$%@ craft area
Wash away all of the #$%@ chicken #$%@
Follow the toy trail that #$%@ Badoo leaves and return her crumbs back where they go
Change all of the #$%@ bed sheets
Plan the #$%@ menu plan
Cook the #$%@ menu plan
Wipe off all of the #$%@ finger prints that are #$%@ everywhere
Put the #$%@ washing away off the #$%@ dining room table
Will pay good money.
[Image found here. Please let me know if it’s yours.]
Taryn says
well I’ve tried having a cleaner on and off for years…in the end I’ve realised for ME, it doesn’t work…an ironing lady works for me 🙂
Mrs Average says
Now we had a “doris” until last year when Mr A and I were both made redundant. I long to have her back. Now, I would consider myself a little anal and thought I would never get on with a cleaner. Well to be honest it was the best thing ever, EVER! When on mat leave she used to come and do the house and not once did I feel bad about laying on the sofa like a beached whale watching her. So what did she do for us? Ironing (I would rather stick pins in my eyes than iron), hoover, clean floors, do the bathrooms, clean the kitchen (and oven!), wipe windows of finger marks. Occassionally she put on the slow cooker or oven so we had a meal when we got in (but I did the cooking ‘cos I love it). She even used to sterilise the little Average’s bottles when they were even more little. Lap it up and get a good one in I say….. maybe my old cleaner would like to come live over there….. she is thoroughly recommended!
In answer to your question – everything apart from the cooking.
katiecrackernuts says
We had a cleaner too. Two in fact, they were a duo, and yup, didn’t work out, pretty much for the three reasons you outlined here.
ANB says
Back when we had two full time salaries we were willing to spend some of it on a cleaner (very un-pc-ly referred to as our “house slave”). The best thing she did was the ironing. No matter how much we put in the basket it all seemed to get done (plus the rest of the house, which was admittedly just an apartment, but still!) She mainly did D’s work shirts, plus a few of my work tops, but the real luxury was the doona cover and pillow cases.
Coal Valley View says
And that is exactly why I don’t have a cleaner either Bron!!! I have had this debate with many friends over the years – they think I’m mad but I honestly can’t fathom spending $50 – $100 for it to be messed up within hours. Oh and I would need a cleaner every day to keep on top of that list with my tribe. Much easier to simply lower my standards, do it myself when the urge strikes, get excited about a tidier house down the track and spend the money on more exciting things. Mel xx
Megan says
I have a cleaner, have had one for about 9 months or so and I really need to find a new one. She is not particularly good but I am even worse at firing her. How do you fire someone??! I hate vacuuming and mopping and really, all types of cleaning, so she does bathrooms, floors, kitchen and I also like her to clean the wooden blinds that are throughout the house and show up every little scrap of dust.
Mrs Woog says
I have had my cleaner Lily for 5 years. She comes down the hallway, stripping beds a she goes. I love her so very very much. So very much.
notSupermum says
I’ve just found your blog and am now a follower – yay!!
I used to have a cleaner when I was married and we both worked full-time and had 2 kids. When my husband left I was more gutted that I couldn’t afford the cleaner anymore…she used to come once and week for 2 hours and she was amazing! *sigh* Happy days.
Andrea @ little buckles says
I would love a cleaner but it would have to be when I went out as I’d feel guilty and do it myself and make cups of tea. I would ask them to iron and paint over all those mucky finger prints (the husband is the worst for this) and dust and clean windows. Go for it! x
Bri says
My priorities for my cleaner would be:
1. Bathroom/toilet
2. Mop kitchen/dining area
3. Clean oven/stove/microwave/fridge
4. Change linen on beds
5. Vacuum all the carpets.
But I would make do with the first three if I had to ; )
Bri says
I actually used to be a house cleaner when I was 18/19. I had gone to the city for uni and hated it so came home again and needed some work. House cleaning was all I could find at the time.
Miss Mandy says
we used to have a cleaner too. she did the floors blah blah. the one thing I dont keep up with is sheets. I never change the beds as regularly as I should. Everything else I keep on top of. But those bloody sheets, I tell you.
ClaireyHewitt says
Tis is easy for me I know exactly what I want
The oven cleaned
Skirting boards
Behind the fridge and washing machine
Cutlery drawer
Pantry…throw out food that is out of date and clean the shelves,organise it.
Never found anyone willing to do this!
Peggy says
Vacuum. I hate vacuuming. I will happily scrub the toilet daily, but I hate vacuuming.
Maryandlil says
For the last year while i was studying to return to the paid workforce I was a cleaner. and I was damn good too! I got paid $30 an hour. I did anything BUT iron. I will not iron lol! Now I will never be a cleaner again and working for days I need a cleaner of my own now!!! Waaaahhhh!!
Deb Robertson says
You don’t need a cleaner, you need a wife!!!!! Lol.
Seriously though I want someone to do laundry, I’m pretty sure it’s a full time job
Robyn says
bigs for me-bathroom, floors, ironing. But i am spoilt, my little cottage is ‘serviced’ every day…see spoilt
Miriam says
I suck at cleaning. I would want a cleaner that is really good at cleaning not just doing it for a bit of extra money – if you know what i mean? I personally wouldn’t want anyone going near my craft room though they’d throw away half the stuff I have thinking it was c r a p!
Wanderlust says
1. change the cat box
2. pick up everything kids deposit on floors
3. make my basement suddenly tidy and organized
4. mow the lawn
Dee says
I’ve been on both sides of this. Have been a cleaner in my younger days and have had a cleaner (which I loved and miss). Re the guilt, if we didn’t employ cleaners think how many small business men and women wouldn’t be able to put food on their tables !
Wish list – dusting, floors, wooden blinds and please sort out the mess in study and sewing room.
Kate Sins says
I’ve never had a cleaner but would LOVE one! I think given the option I’d get them to do everything possible but the thing that most needs attention is the dusting. I always forget about the dusting until everything else is done so it rarely gets done. Unless of course someone is coming over, then it gets the baby-wipe treatment…
Rhonda says
I’m the same as you only I would have them do the bathrooms. I also want them to dust the never ending accumulation. I swear this house is the dustiest house I’ve ever lived in. I actually like cleaning my kitchen, I feel accomplished when I look in there and it’s sparkling clean.
Kelly @ Polkadot Lane says
I would love, LOVE, love someone to clean my bathrooms and do my ironing – all the rest I can handle, and even like to handle (well..sometimes).
At Number 32 says
Tuck me into bed and then do whatever the #$%@ she wanted with my kids for the next 3 hours!
Rebecca Grey says
I am the type of person who would clean before the cleaner came. It wouldn’t work. However a personal chef, ah yes, could handle that. And a bed changer-er. And a pool boy. Preferably tall, dark and handsome of course with broad toned shoulders, perfect abs and v-spot. Okay. Way off track now!
Maxabella says
@Rebecca Gray – What the hell is a v-spot? Sounds… dirty. x
Steph says
Yes, yes and YES!! I #*@&% hate changing the bed sheets! Those elastised bottom sheets mock me as they twang off the corners. Wiping walls….kitchen cupboards….kitchen handles….basically anywhere that has been sticky-a-fied by the poppet. Oh, and clean wooden venetian blinds that seem to invite mould to come and play on them weekly (I know…what was I thinking having blinds!! Madness!!). Wash the manky kitchen bins…the list is endless. Have a gorgeous weekend 🙂 xx
Sannah says
Did you see Insight the other day about polygamy? I told my husband he could get another wife* as long as she does all the wife bits I don’t like. I figure another wife will be cheaper than getting a live-in maid. Their pre-nup agreement will include your list 🙂
x Sannah
* He’s not going to get another wife. It’s just a running joke. I think.
Kymmie says
Oh so funny! I’d get the cleaner to clean my windows and disinfect my doors. Oh yes, and clean the cupboard doors of my kitchen where my children seem to leave their dirty paw prints!
My question to you is this: would you clean before the cleaner comes? Apparently all those who have a cleaner do this also 😉
Happy days! (And can’t wait to hear what you’re doing!) xx
Kymmie says
Oh… I didn’t mention that I’ve actually had a cleaner when we lived overseas. Really, a good one can change your life. She washed our dishes, did our washing (beds AND clothes), ironed, put the washing away, mopped the floors, cleaned the bathroom and always forgot the toilet. I loved that she did our washing. Really, your whole life can be sucked out of you by just washing clothes.
I guess you can’t have everything. x
Andrea Acevedo says
I would need and group of cleaners to do an intensive overhaul. Mainly organise kids room, toys, clothes, my bills and then start cleaning!!
loulouloves.me says
We just got a cleaner here in Sweden which is a little uncommon. I LOVE HER! She does everything including the ironing… highly recommended. It seems like a luxury but it totally frees up my time for my family…
Kidz Bizz development says
Don’t fire your cleaners – give them a list – a detailed list.
I had a business (cleaning and organising) and trained up many cleaners, they need direction as what they see isn’t what you see (like your partners and the kids lol!).
So I made up a list from wiping down the door frame and basically working from the top down in every room.
No I don’t clean anymore and have a hard time doing mine, though I do have some very nice friends to call on every few months when I feel like a spruce up 🙂 Then they work with me, I put things away, move stuff out so large furniture can be cleaned behind etc. They basically follow me with cloths and the vacuum. Windows, crevices, the lot get done on those mornings. Very cool 🙂
Lea says
Oh I could never have a cleaner because my house is a mess and I’d have to clean up the mess so they could clean. My bathroom is always sparkling tho’ so when I can’t handle the mess around me, I just go and hang out in the bathroom for a bit;) Seriously though I hate washing and ironing because it is just neverending.
Angie @ The Little Mumma says
You’re so right. Clean floors feel like ‘clean house’ – BUT I don’t find cleaning them satisfying at all. Because some little fecker is always trailing me with a museli bar in his hand and the devil in his soul….
Wah! I want a cleaner.