I’ve been in love with my husband for sixteen years. That’s a long time in love years. Before meeting LOML at a seedy hour at a seedy pub in a seedy neighbourhood in 1996, the longest relationship I’d ever had was eleven months. Yep, just eleven.
I could never make anything stick. I was hyper-critical of what ‘being in love’ actually was and even more critical of my boyfriends (and, let’s face it, one-night-stands!). They were too broke, too wimpy, too lazy, too angry, too druggy, too bogan, too corporatey, too… not right.
I didn’t know why I wasn’t meeting ‘Mr Right’. I was only 24 years old and already I felt like ‘all men’ weren’t right for me. That ‘all men’ didn’t like strong women with opinions. That ‘all men’ liked those cutesy kind of women who wore doe eyes and cardigans with the sleeves pulled down over their hands. I decided this based on the way the relationships I’d had up to that point had made me feel: like I couldn’t be myself. I had to be a quieter, prettier, smaller version of myself. Yes, that’s how ‘all men’ make you feel, I decided: stifled.
I didn’t realise it at the time, but the one thing all my relationships had in common was… me. It was me who decided I needed to be a different kind of woman to ‘keep’ a man. It was my choice to agree to hang out with his friends and abandon my own. Do the things the boy wanted to do and not even mention the kinds of things I was desperately missing. To turn a blind eye to things I didn’t agree with and make excuses for the little things they did that made me feel unwanted. It was all me.
When I met LOML I knew instantly that I had found the right man. It was love at first sight for me, but not for the reasons that romantic novels gush about. Sure, he was extremely attractive and had a way about him that was just right, but no, it was something more than that that made me love him straightaway.
He wanted to know me.
Not shag me (although there was that), but really know what made me tick, what made me smile, what made me get up and cheer. He genuinely liked the way I talked, the things I talked about and the way I saw the world. He took me at face value and didn’t judge the things I said or make me feel like I should say them differently just because we were together. There were no constraints, no ‘why don’t you’s or ‘why can’t you’s, just a deep curiosity to know everything about everything about me. I felt free, as free as a bird. A single bird with the world at her feet and a good man at her back.
I still do.
Part of falling in love with someone, I think, is falling in love with the way they make you feel about yourself. You begin to love yourself in the same way that they love you. The only way to do that is to be yourself, and only yourself, in the first place. The move from ‘being single’ to ‘being with LOML’ was so instantaneous and smooth that I barely even noticed the transition.
So, I say the same thing to anyone who asks me, “how you know when you’ve met ‘the one’?”
I say, “marry the man who makes you feel single”.
Because he is the exact right man for you.
[Image source unknown – please let me know if it is yours. Words by me.]
Little Paper Trees says
great, great post!
Polly says
He treated me the way I truly deserved to be treated, and not the way I thought I deserved to be treated.
Down that Little Lane says
Love that analogy.. Not sure he makes me feel single but he makes me feel like I rock and that with him by my side the world can just do its thing..
It was love at first butt sight..and then he turned around.. Oh my!
Jane says
Ah Bron. Smiling in Hobart. Cupid did it for us! J x
Miss Pink says
I don’t think it is as simple as that. I think what you have is so so rare and special.
I do agree, everyone should have it. That before you can put in to a relationship what it needs, you need to have a love and respect of yourself. You need to have an optimisim and respect of your partner. To take everything with a grain of salt.
But even having all of that, it doesn’t mean you will get a love like yours. It doesn’t guartenee it will be returned. It doesn’t guarentee that you will be respected and cherished and have someone who goes out of their way to make you happy.
What you have, it’s something I dream about and hope for. It’s not something I have even a fraction of.
Sixteen years is amazing, and to still feel that puppy like love is just beautiful. I am so so happy for you and LOML (well not MY, but your life). I hope that you still feel this way in another fifty years, but I have a feeling you will.
Rach Jackson says
Love this!
I loved my husband from the moment he walked into the classroom in high school. It was the same for him, but took us a year to get our shit together! 15 years later we have had some crazy ups and downs, but we’re still crazy in love.
I adore hearing stories from when people first met 😀 thankyou x
Rach x
Daydream Living says
Hi Bron,
I’ve got to say, a great post again! Love that quote and I can say, after being together for more than 16 years, two kiddo’s and moving around the world, we are finally saying our ‘I do’ this year. So for me, this was a post I really liked to read, thanks! hugs, Maureen
Kelly Exeter says
Awww I love this post so much!!! Well you know I met my man in Anatomy lab among the cadavers – so romantic!
My mum always told him that he made the cut because he didn’t put up with my crap. And possibly there is *grain* of truth there.
But I think the secret ingredient of ‘the one’ is that they make you a better version of you. My man definitely does that for me 🙂
Caz Makepeace says
Oh I love this. Beautifully written Bron! I met Craig at 24 as well and for me it was all about how he made me feel and for the first time ever in any relationship I just felt trust and that I had someone on my side for once. Craig was/is so hot and I never once worried what that would mean in terms of other women, where as with every other boyfriend I had I never trusted them and felt safe.
Salz DummySpit says
That’s so cute. I don’t think my husband makes me feel single but his my everything. Every time I look at him I’m in love again. I just want to jump him right there and then.
Two Point Five Kids says
http://twopointfivekids.blogspot.com.au/2012/02/how-i-met-my-husband-shh-its-secret.html
Here is my story – enjoy.
I love your blog on this – pure joy to read xxx
Elisa {with grace and eve} says
That’s so beautiful! I instantly knew my man was the one for me too – a feeling that gave me butterflies, made me smile and believe that effortlessly everything would work out x
Toni says
Yes yes yes yes yes!! I could copy/paste big chunks of this (but of course I won’t!)
I absolutely love that line — marry the man who makes you feel single.
My husband has always made me feel free and captivated, all at the same time. I wish it was like this for everyone — the world would be a much happier place.
Cath says
I knew pretty instantly he was for me because… as you said, he made me feel like it was OK to be me – complete with all the crazy ideas, passions, sense of humour and views about the world – and my not-stop chatter and loud laugh. 17 years later and we’re still like that most of time… I wouldn’t say that I feel like I’m single, but I know that I just adore him and that as we declared in our wedding vows, “my life is far richer” for having spent it with him.
So glad you’re a happy chicky too!
Kate Sins says
Perfect line. Love it. I was 24 when my not-really-married-to-but-committed-for-life husb and i got together. He seemed to like me so much more than i liked myself and showed me why i was ace. He still does.
Kate Sins says
Perfect line. Love it. I was 24 when my not-really-married-to-but-committed-for-life husb and i got together. He seemed to like me so much more than i liked myself and showed me why i was ace. He still does.
Mum on the Run says
This is absolutely beautiful.
It’s a pretty special place to be – and 16 yrs – congratulations.
xx
Victoria says
we meet at children, but then re-meet again as two broken hearted 16 year olds, our friendship blossomed, he made me laugh so hard I cried, he made my heart feel s full & he liked me for me, the inside me not just my pretty face. He made me feel normal & still does.
Robyn says
oh my gosh-i love that-going to remember it!
joeh says
I’m one for three, so you don’t want to know. I will say that if you need a filter in your relatinship, you are in the wrong relationship.
notsupermum says
I’m still waiting to meet mine, and I’ve 51 now. I wish he’d hurry up!
notsupermum says
That should ‘I’m’ and not I’ve!!
Kelly Sheehy says
What a beautiful love story! 🙂
I met my husband at college, 18 years ago, we had the same group of friends, but didn’t really know each other too well. Then we had a chance encounter in a different city over the summer and started dating soon after. I still get butterflies when I look at him, when he comes home at the end of the day, or when he smiles.
Quill and Ink Handmade says
Such a lovely, lovely post, Bron – ain’t love grand?
x
::The Beetle Shack:: says
love this bron! You’re a wise woman.
xo em
Anonymous says
Totally agree with the feeling about men pre-my man. I either thought I’d have to hide my hippy tendencies to a corporate man or my corporate tendencies to a hippy man. And definitely never thought I’d be able to show my strong feminist side.
When I met my man (at work! dull) I knew he was my “type” but he was taken. So I thought “maybe his friends will be my type too.” Met them and nope, he was the only one. So I continued being happily single. Then he became single and I just waited for something to be drastically wrong with him. 6 years, two children, a wedding and many holidays later I’ve given up looking for something wrong. He’s just it as far as I’m concerned.
But he definitely doesn’t make me feel single. In a good way. I’ve recently had some dreams where I thought we were together but we aren’t and I have to “win him over” again. I am totally devestated in each dream, thinking I have to do all that again.
Sorry for the novel. Love the post and congratulations on 16 years!!
Eliza
LionessLady says
What a lovely story! I love hearing how other people met the love of their life. Such a gorgeous couple, you are!
ally says
Love it when you get mushy!!
xx
Samantha says
Before I met my husband, my longest ‘relationship’ had been 6 weeks. Not wanting to waste time on the Mr Notrights, I suppose. xx
Emily says
Beautiful. I’m actually sighing out loud.
I knew because Cameron knew me better than I knew myself. And still loved me for it. And I couldn’t ever imagine my life without him in it. Still can’t. x
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen says
Gorgeous Bron, and congratulations on 16 years!!
I knew mine was the right one because he made me smile, and 14 years later, he still does xx
Silly Goose says
My husband and I have been together for 20 years now. Pretty well from day one, it was just assumed that this was it. He tells me he knew from the first day he’d marry me. I think we both just knew it. There was no earth shattering lightening bolts, just ‘Oh, here you are, finally’. There were never any games, never any silly ‘wait three days before you ring him’ (and I played games with the best of them).
He was just right for me. Still is.
Steph&Husband says
I just got married in may yay we’ve been together 4 and half years he is my best friend I use to run around calling him my potential husband little did I know that I would eventually call him my real husband! I can’t wait till the day I can post on my blog happy 1st anniversary let alone the big 15th but for now I’m enjoying each and every memory we build together!
Thnx for sharing your story 🙂
Megan Blandford says
Beautiful. I was 18 when I met my man, and super determined not to be ‘tied down’. I wanted adventure, to live life, to have fun – and then I realised that was exactly how life with him was (and is). It doesn’t feel like being tied down when it’s the right person.
kell says
This is so lovely, congratulations on 16 years! It’s an achievement. My husband was the one from the minute I saw him, I just “recognised” him, as mushy as it sounds. (Also in a seedy pub). Thanks so much for your comments today on my blog, was so lovely to see you there! Hope you’re feeling ok this week.
Kymmie says
This is such a beautiful post. So beautiful. And when you describe your LOML, it sounds exactly like mine. We’ve got to keep these men. They’re just awesome! xxx
emma @ frog, goose and bear says
I love this post. Love it. So good to read about people still head over after 16 years and will remain so till the end of their days. I’m still head over for my man after 14 years. Couldn’t ask for a better one.