Oh yay, the kids are back at school this week. Depending on how well your holidays went down, this could be either good news or bad news. I’m a bit of a fence sitter, myself. I’m both relieved that I’ll shortly be getting some time to myself again and horrified that I’m about to start the typical school-term nagging. All those brush-your-teeth-put-your-shoes-on-turn-the-tv-off-do-your-homework-go-to-sleep repeat ad nausem. It’s just what we parents do, right? Then we find ourselves adding, “why do I sound like a broken record!?!”
Well, to save myself a lot of heartache (and yelling) this year, I’ve made myself that broken record and if needs must I can keep the appropriate track going all day, everyday for as long as it takes. On my broken record, I am the calm, rational, grown-up parent I always wanted to be, not the screaming-banshee somewhat-insane mother that endlessly repeating myself has (understandably) turned me into.
This record is brilliant, I tells ya! Not only am I REASONABLY NICE, but it will seem like I’m right there endlessly repeating to the kids to put their shoes on, but in reality I’ll be out the back having a quiet cuppa before the school run.
I thought I’d share my playlist with you, just in case you feel like an early morning cuppa too. Just hit ‘play’ on the track you need then sit back and let me take care of the rest.
At first your kids will probably be rather startled to hear a stranger endlessly nagging at them, but this is a very good thing. Kids are always so much better behaved for strangers! So until they get used to Aunty Maxabella, you may find you only need to play each track once. However, once the stranger-danger wears off, feel free to loop me on steady play for as long as it takes to get the job done. For example, the vegetable track may need to keep playing for weeks and weeks and you”ll be pleased to know that I’ve tried to talk a little softer on the ‘go to sleep’ track because chances are I can double-up as a meditative night music CD. See how you go.
Have I missed out any typical parental repetitions? Happy to add them in for you!
Do join me here:
Facebook | Twitter | Bloglovin | G+ | Instagram (oh yes!)
Erin says
Truth time friend- Do your really stay that calm? Don’t you usually escalate, at least some days?? ? Giggled the whole way through, normal convo here! (except I don’t always stay calm)
Giggled at the dentist
Though the arm one I say, “I’m cold, I know you’re not cold but just wear a jumper so I won’t be cold ” They think that one insane.
Maxabella says
Hahaha, the jumper one is so true and OF COURSE I don’t stay this calm, but I WANT TO! x
Jane says
That’s brilliant, I am definitely going to be using that next week. I also laughed at the brush your teeth for a minute, because by the end of the day I’m so over it that I usually ‘help’ my 3yo daughter brush her teeth for about 20 seconds. I’m going to put you on a loudspeaker loop in the house, lock the kids in and go and sit out in the garden for 10 minutes enjoying my coffee, rather than drinking it on the way to school. I feel relaxed already 🙂
Maxabella says
It’s really helping already, isn’t it? x
Lila says
My main two are empty the bins, and empty the dishwasher!
Maxabella says
You are clearly much better at nagging the kids about chores than I am, Lila… x
Melissa says
That is great, I am so with you on many of these. I don’t think we could find a pair of shoes for my 6 year old for about 5 days recently! I would need more than your soothing tones to get my kids to clean their rooms- maybe the threat of no iDevices for a month might work! 🙂
Maxabella says
Nothing works, Melissa. We are all doomed really. x
Kim @Landofzonkt says
Oh gee I need this… I hate that I seem to repeat and rant louder and louder each time.
Then I here my daughter doing it & my stomach sinks, don’t speak like that… But she’s just copying me! Top parenting right there!
For me it’s eat your breakfast… Will you eat your breakfast it’s been 20 minutes & you haven’t touched it!
My sons worse than my daughter… Heaven help me when he goes to school. Least I’ll be well prepped with these! Lol
Maxabella says
I can’t believe I forgot “Eat Your Breakfast”, Kim!! x
Jess - A Little Part of the World says
Kim I hear you on the hearing yourself back through your children and your stomach sinking. I hope you take solace in knowing you’re not alone. Jx
Maxabella says
It’s rather disconcerting! x
Sarah @She Writes says
I love it! I’m sure this will be useful in household all over Australia. You may be a millionaire yet!
Maxabella says
I’m counting on it, Sarah. This is all I got… x
Jess - A Little Part of the World says
Awesome on all fronts Bron. Good luck for the first week of school!! Jx
Maxabella says
You too, Jess! x
Mother Down Under says
Ha ha ha.
Can you please do a toddler version as well?
I think Pick Up Your Toys, Use Your Spoon, and Please Say Please would be hit tracks.
Along the same lines I am constantly threatening all members of my household with taping myself all day every day…so when they claim I never told them something, I can rewind and voila!
Maxabella says
Do it, Caitlin!!! x
Clare @ Checks and Spots says
Oh my lord! This has made my day. I have been screeching away on the couch as I listened to each one. So flipping’ funny…because it’s so true! Now that you’ve made me redundant, I can hopefully stay on holidays while the rest of the family returns to the daily grind! Pass another Mojito!
xx
Maxabella says
I’m trying to think of other jobs I can out source… Meal planning!?
Tammy says
hmm … that sounds very familiar ( but a bit nicer that what it’s often said here )
Maxabella says
Firm but nice – just the parenting tone we’ve always wanted to achieve. x
Karin @ Calm to Conniption says
bahaha! These are great! Love the bedtime one, so true! I also need one about taking cups and plates back to the kitchen
Maxabella says
I haven’t even TRIED to get that one happening, Karin. You are a brave soul. I do think “pick up your clothes” could have featured, though… x
Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages says
Bah ha ha ha ha
Maxabella says
I vant to suck yer bluuuuuud… x
Natalie @ OurParallelConnection says
We have a shoe thief in our house too. Oh and I love that your not the dentist and take a little time off.
Maxabella says
Shoe thief, sock thief, hair band thief and scissors thief… x
eliza says
Laughing so hard. SO HARD the kids asked me what I was laughing at. I told them then played it for them. Now Miss 6 is laughing and insisting we play it for my husband.
Maxabella says
Fun!! They probs think I’m talking to them. I think all kids are different when they are nice, but all kids are actor the same when they’re not! x
Peachy Keen Mumma - Jess says
HA!!! This is hilarious. I only have a toddler but every day I strap him to my body with my legs and free arm and brush his teeth. What torture. You just reminded me that it doesn’t get easier. The nagging is just as horrible and holding them down and doing it yourself. OR is it better because we feel some semblance of control?
Maxabella says
Well nagging is less physically taxing…
Peachy Keen Mumma - Jess says
Shared on my FB page 😉
Maxabella says
Thanks, doll. x
Shannon @ Oh Creative Day says
My kiddo is not of school-age yet, but I sometimes sound like this trying to get MYSELF out of the house.
Parenting a toddler, I find myself saying ridiculous things like,
“Gnocchi is NOT a hat.”
Maxabella says
Hahahahaaaaa! “Gnocchi is not a hat” bwahahaha!!
Jodi Gibson (JF Gibson Writer) says
Where’s your school jumper? (No not again) – remix version.
Maxabella says
Remix could be good – lost your jumper; kicked out the toe of your shoe; trashed your lunch box AGAIN etc. I can work with that. x
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says
This is SO FUNNY BRON! Day 1 done and dusted and so far so good. Just a few hundred more to go. The teeth one is the most annoying as mine are still so young that I have to do them! UGH.
Maxabella says
I hate doing the teeth. x
Renee Wilson says
Oh Bron! I have tears from laughter. Put your shoes on, put your shoes on. What do you mean you can’t find your shoes? I live this every single day. Meanwhile, why do kids want to wear summer clothing when it’s freezing and wear a jumper when it’s sweltering.
Maxabella says
They have no internal thermostat, which is why they rely on us to feel cold for them… x
Bele @ BlahBlah says
HILARIOUS and GENIUS! I need this. We even have to do OT because he’s so slow, but he’s an astral planer and I have no idea where he gets it from x
Maxabella says
Beware the sloooooooooow kid. x
Sonia Life Love Hiccups says
I dont need to say these things anymore… I am just going to download you and you can do it for 🙂 haha brilliant chick xx
Maxabella says
I’m hoping to help mothers everywhere, Son. x
Ling @ Ling Out Loud says
LOL! Love it! My baby is too young for school at the mo’ but I’m sure in a blink of an eye, she’ll be starting school and I will be needing to use this 😛
Maxabella says
Oh, you’ll probably need it long before school, Ling. x
liv says
I can’t stop laughing…This is brilliant Bron
Maxabella says
Hello Liv! x
Sarah @ Lady Sadie's Emporium says
This is gold!!!!
Maxabella says
It’s definitely helping at my place, Sarah. The kids think it’s hysterical. x
look see. by naomi fenton says
Hahaha! I love this. I’d like to make a teacher one! (Tuck your shirt in, put your blazer on, don’t throw that, please sit down, write your name on your work, today’s date is …, etc. etc.)
Maxabella says
Definitely need a teacher one. Any relief we can give those hardworking angels is necessary! x
Tash @ Gift Grapevine says
Love this! Put your shoes would be on constant repeat in our house (we have a box for shoes by the front door and the kids still manage to lose them!). I’d love if you could also include a bonus track of “Where are your pants?”. My Mr TT (age 2.5) has a current aversion to wearing them…
Maxabella says
OMG, that made me laugh. My Max is an avid pant avoider too, Tash. He’s 10. Sorry! x
bron says
bahahahahaha. oh, I love it, bron. and that you ask to smell your kids hands too. x
Maxabella says
Works every time…
Vicki @ Boiled Eggs & Soldiers says
Love this! Have it all set up to play to the girls tomorrow morning while I’m in the shower. Good to know it’s the same conversations everywhere although mine are never this calm!! Thank you
Maxabella says
How’d you go, Vicki?
x