We’ve all been there. You pick the kids up from school / pre-school / daycare / the floor and race off to swimming, change them into their swimmers (“Just put these ones on… you can wear your favourites next week… they were in the wash… just put them on”), they swim, swim, swim, change out of swimmers, shower and hair wash (“I did not deliberately get shampoo in your eyes… pick your wet togs off your dry shorts… I don’t know where your underpants are…”), into fresh clothes, into the car (“no one needs an ice cream just because they’ve been in the water… shhh this is a busy road I need to concentrate… stop hitting your sister”), you drive, drive, drive, unload the car (“where’s your lunch box? Where’s your school hat? Can you put the bags away, please… don’t just dump them on the floor… all of you, come back and put your bags away”), cook the dinner while doing the home work (“yes, you do need to do your homework, no I cannot do it for you… do your homework…. do your homework… oh, okay then, just this once…”), serve the dinner (“just eat one pea, just one…”), read the story, brush the teeth and (“hallelujah”) it’s the kids’ bed time.
What was that? The kids won’t settle down to sleep?
It’s not surprising when you break down a typical afternoon in the life of a typical family that the kids are too wired to sleep. Life is so busy and our days are so full and it’s really no wonder that no one is sleeping well around here. We are all so over-tired from packing too much into each day and not leaving enough room to just sit a while.
For a good night’s sleep, we know how important it is to spend some time winding down and relaxing before bed and our kids need this time too. We need a plan to help our children surrender the day and welcome some rest time. To just let go and leave the problems of the day for the night to solve.
Here are 5 tried-and-tested (at my place) ways to help them get there. You are probably doing most of these things already, it’s just our approach that might be a little different.
1. Make bath time count
A soak in the bath is relaxing for anyone, but we often race our kids through this part of their day. Rather than see the bath as a way to simply get clean, start to see it as a way to help your child wind down. Select a quality soap-free wash with essential oils like lavender, chamomile, ylang ylang and cedarwood to aid relaxation. Encourage them to lie back and float in the water. Swirl the water around them in a rhythmic, soothing way. If you’re washing hair, don’t forget how lovely a gentle scalp massage is. Some soothing music might also help them focus and enjoy the peace and we are prone to lighting a scented candle while we’re at it.
2. A sleepy storybook
Reading together is a lovely, soft time in a family’s day. No matter how old your children are (well, okay, teenage years are probably pushing it), they will enjoy being read to. Choose a calming chapter book to enjoy together (we are big fans of Enid Blyton around here) and keep the light low and dreamy. Sitting on one of the children’s beds makes a nice, pleasing setting.
Read for at least ten minutes, keeping your voice relaxed and full – voicing the characters and building the story with your inflections. Make eye contact with your children as you read and involve them in the story by asking questions as you go. Let your readers read a paragraph here and there along the way.
Spend five or so minutes afterwards talking about the story and what you’ve found out so far. Wonder about what might be coming up tomorrow night and remind them that a good night’s sleep tonight will make tomorrow come around much faster (I like to get that one in as often as I can).
3. Breathe away the tension
After bath or just before bed is the perfect time to do a little calming meditation. Young kids love doing anything with their bodies and this exercise is also a great way to pay them some attention before sleep time.
Have them lie down on the floor on a rug. Ask them to close their eyes and listen to the sound of their own breathing. They will get the giggles when you first start doing this exercise, but persevere because eventually they will enjoy it so much they will take it very seriously indeed. Ask them to count twenty of their breaths out loud along with you – use these counts as a way to slow their breathing down, gradually increasing the length of time between counts.
Once you’ve reached twenty, ask them to stay very still and silent as you are going to make a very soft sound and they are to raise their hand when they hear it. They must keep their eyes closed and only raise their hand. You will tell them when they have raised their hand correctly. This gives them a motivation to stay quiet and also an opportunity for you to remind them how clever they are. You can make the ‘soft sound’ any way you like, but I just make a soft ‘pop’ sound and that seems to do the trick.
After five or so hand raises, the children will be much calmer and quieter. Younger children may be almost asleep (with a bit of luck). Finish the quiet time by counting their breathing again, backwards from 20.
For nights when I fully couldn’t be bothered sitting in the dark making popping sounds, we use the Smiling Mind app or the kids do a little Cosmic Kids yoga. Both are fabulous and much loved.
4. Music to unwind to
Max was a terrible sleeper and I think I read just about every single baby sleep book going. I SOS’d, I Baby Whispered, I Gina Forded… everything. There was just one technique that worked for Max and that was using music to associate a certain time of night with bedtime. At the age of two, we played him the same music track every night and eventually he associated that track with day’s end. When the music came on, he would even start to get himself ready for bed. But not sleep. Just bed.
Eventually we stopped the music because 387 plays of an acoustic version of Cold Chisel’s “When the War is Over” was enough for anyone. Nope, no idea why that particular track was the ‘chosen one’… sorry!
Anyway, years have passed and despite going to bed at a set time every night of his life, Max is no better at winding down to sleep than he ever was, such that we’ve recently reintroduced the music technique for him. Birdy’s “Skinny Love” is on our stereo at 8pm each night and it really does seem to help the kids relax into the idea of sleep. Note I said ‘the idea of’ not the actual event. This is a sleep aid, not a cure, I’m afraid.
5. Start a Worry book
Cappers started her “Wori book” of her own accord a couple of years ago. There is not a lot written in there (which is good!), but the fact that it is there is a great comfort to her. Many children raise their worries and fears right at bed time. This stems from anxiety about the night ahead but, let’s face it, it’s also a good excuse to have mum or dad stay with them for a bit longer as they talk through their fears.
Instead, introduce the Worry book. When your child raises their issues from the day, simply tell them to write them down in the Worry book and tuck it under their pillow to sleep on. “The night is a very good problem solver,” you might say. “Things always seem much better in the morning.” Aside from being able to neatly tuck away their problems in the book, saying something like this is a great way of getting your children thinking about ‘the night’ in a positive, comforting way.
For little kids, you can either do the writing for them, get them to draw their worries or tell them that the Worry book can catch their thoughts if they open to a blank page and think their thought very hard onto the page.
Either way, the Worry book is very good at closing down today’s problems before it’s time to go to think about sleep. Just quietly, I use one too…
What techniques do you use to help your child wind down?
Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad says
We do the bath and book thing but I like the idea of the worry book and believe me im always so willing to hear ideas about how to get little people into bed more smoothly! Great tips x
Maxabella says
It’s an ongoing thing in many homes. We are not alone! x
Bec Connolly says
I love the idea of the Worry Book. Thanks for sharing.
Maxabella says
It’s s good one, even for adult insomniacs like me. x
Tash @ Gift Grapevine says
Wow Bron – I was stressed just reading that opening paragraph! So much of it rings true for me too (and why do swim schools always sell icecream?!). I love the idea of the worry book and breathing exercises (getting my 3 year old Mr TT to stay still is a tough one though!). Books are big for us at bedtime as is telling a story that recaps what my kids did that day. They then talk about their favourite things and what they are looking forward to doing the next day. Ideally they then stay in bed and drift off to sleep but they are currently reading from the book of “101 ways to delay going to bed”. Fun times! xx
Shauna says
I LOVE the idea of the worry book! You are absolutely right that bedtime is the time of day that their concerns and questions often rise to the surface and many times they are unable to let it go because they are just sooo tired. Tears! I’ve heard of adults doing it. Why not kids too. Great idea.
Kristy @ Loulou Zoo says
The worry book is a fab idea. Another thing of yours to add to my list!!! x