I’m doing an AdSchool class on copywriting on Monday nights. As if I didn’t have enough to do. My work has sent me along as a ‘treat’, so I figured this was something I couldn’t say no to. It’s interesting enough. I enjoy studying and learning. The fact that I get home at about 10 o’clock on a school night is not so enjoyable. I’m dead on my feet.
Last night was different, though. We had a guest lecturer, Julian Short. He’s a notable psychiatrist and the author of ‘An Intelligent Life’. He was a charismatic older gentleman and by that I mean that he was a gentle man. Softly spoken, gracious, commanding attention by the intelligence of his discussion alone.
Julian Short’s expertise is on ‘happiness’ and he reminded us that people are shaped by their ethics and morals and these beliefs provide the scaffolding for the life that they go on to build. I nodded and wrote down ‘ethics and morals’ and then sucked on my pen while I contemplated exactly what that means. I wonder, I thought, if I’ve ever really, truly examined what my own ethics, morals and beliefs are. I’m sure that subconsiously I’m aware of my opinions and I’m certain that I live day to day by a particular code. But have I ever brought them to the surface in a conscious, present way? No, I have not.
I know that I believe in family and I’m opposed to war of any kind. I don’t like littering or people who don’t take care of the environment around them. I try not to judge others’ choices but I will if they affect others in a negative way. I don’t like pawn shops. I believe in ‘something more’ but my Catholic upbringing didn’t really stick. I’m a feminist but I embrace gender differences. I can’t stand bigots, racists, terrorists and most other ists. I like the bright side of the street.
But I need to know more.
So over the next few weeks I’m going to be pondering this topic and working out what my own structure is. I think it’s important to know as I believe that examining my beliefs is fundamental to helping my children to structure their own. What will their scaffolding be?Publish Post
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Nadiah says
I’m really into this topic right now, from an evolutionary psychology perspective, it’s an area I’d love to do some formal research in, if I ever make a change from ecological modelling.
Presumably you’ve seen Jonathan Haidt’s dimensions approach to morality? this article is a good starting point:
http://www.edge.org/3rd_culture/haidt08/haidt08_index.html
I find that framework very useful.
I can also recommend the final section of “Ape Genius” for some perspectives on how our morality developed:
The morality section starts towards the end of part 3, but really the whole thing is worth watching.
PartlySunny says
It’s so funny that you’re thinking about this. I just read a children’s version of the story of the Buddha to my kids. They really like it (made me read it about four times already), but it’s forced me to explain in a more detailed way about what I believe. It’s hard to put it all into words when you don’t have the conventional rhetoric memorized and ready to spew back (I’m a reformed Catholic — actually, your list fit me to a T).
Baby Buggy Boat says
Stop Maxabella! I have spent the last 24 hours thinking continuously about your WMG piece (I didn’t comment because I sat there for ages trying to articulate how I feel about working without contradicting myself at every turn) and now I will probably spend weeks mulling over this piece!
It is something I think about regularly – you see I get confused about whether my moral and ethical structure is really mine or have I just adopted it from someone else? I remember as a child asking loads of ‘why?’ questions and my mother was always able to offer a very certain answer as far as her own moral and ethical beliefs were concerned. I want to be able to do the same for my children, but at the moment I fear I will be automatically spouting the same answers that I was given without really thinking about what I believe to be right and true.
Oh, you are so right, I need to address my moral scaffolding too, but it is so daunting!
Rachel says
Interesting topic ……. I think you know where I stand and if you don’t then pls ask me… I’m not gonna write it all down here, boring the pants of people isn’t something I believe in that’s for sure lol.
what will be interesting is what everone else writes… I love to hear others views… I’m in fact fascinated by others beliefs and ethics and morals.
Toni says
I think you get clearer on your beliefs as you get older — well, that’s how it’s worked for me, anyway.
Exposing yourself (not in THAT way, girls!) to people from all walks of life and keeping an open mind whenever you meet anyone, those are good ways to overcome prejudices — which are pre-judgements — and rote thinking.
I am not a gay activist, and for a long time was in a homophobic church, for example — but I have gay friends and relatives, and a trannie mate, so my stance on sexuality is pretty flexible.
It’s important to remember that as you go life and accumulate experiences, those experiences should shape you one way or another. I hope I allow them to shape me for the better.
Kelly says
fantastic post, gives one something to think about. Looking forward to seeing what you discover.
PinkPatentMaryJanes says
Such an important topic. I like to think I have really strong morals and beliefs, and that I’m helping our daughter cultivate her own. We’ve already had discussions about who we voted for and why. But you’ve also made me realise that sometimes I haven’t really worked out why I believe the way I do. Thanks for this {as always} thought provoking post.
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Lori @ RRSAHM says
Interesting stuff. When I was at uni, we spent a few weeks looking at our own set of ethics and morals and it was eye opening. That was ten years ago- I may have to go back, do it again and see what I discover this time.
Looking forward to reading about it!
Langdowns says
Ahhh yes. As a life coach it is the basis for many a discussion. Especially when working out how to map out your life based on the legacy you would like to leave behind. It’s a great exercise … Lee Brower (the gratitude guy from The Secret) has a great quadrant in which to start the process. From a “legacy” point of view map out (1) the values/beliefs you’d like to pass on, (2) the experiences, (3) the money and (4) the contributions back to society. Working out what you want to be remembered for helps you to remember what to work towards 🙂
BabyMac says
This is something I would love to do. When you work out how to do can you let us know….?!
I know that I believe in family. Good food, especially any and all kinds of pig. I believe in ice cold french champagne as often as we can make it possible. I also believe in bad reality TV which makes me feel superior to others. I believe in babies sleeping all through the night, fresh crispy sheets in off the sunshine soaked clothes line and fresh flowers. Everywhere. All superficial of course, but these things make ME happy.
toushka says
I think about this often. I think we have a lot of the same morals and ethics maxabella and maybe we could start our own religion. I would like to include the belief that all people that don’t indicate should be beaten with sticks – the ones attached to their steering wheels that they aren’t using would suffice.
But seriously, I’m mostly about equality and freedom of choice and all those good things.
x0xJ says
really good questions. Those are things i’ve been looking at for myself this year. It’s very hard to start out with, it feels like there is a never ending list of things to consider and look at, but once you start knocking through things, it’s really a nice feeling to get to “know” yourself more.
Cate P says
I mostly believe that our beliefs are subject to change as life throws us curveballs. Nothing should be set in concrete. Except that chocolate cures all 😉
Kelly says
When I read your post title, I thought I did. But after reading your post, the topic needs more thought. I’m looking forward to your series!
LJ says
Great post, very thought provoking. I am interested to follow this topic and see what you come up with. Has got me thinking about how this applies to my life…
MomAgain@40 says
Very thought provoking! I believe in questioning things, and if that is the only thing I can learn my kids, then my job is done! We grew up in a society (South Africa)that did not question, and we know know that the majority suffered because of that.
I believe hat we should revisit our believes on a regular basis. I need to do it myself as well…
MultipleMum says
Glad you are getting something out of the course (other than a late night out of the house!). I look forward to talking to you about this stuff soon x
Mira Narnie says
wow – very powerful post yet again! i find these types of topics quite facinating from a psych point of view, and I agree that most of us don’t really ponder just exactly what are our ethics and morals, but then again, sometimes you don’t know what they are until you have to question yourself in a situation! Perhaps if we were so intune and aware of our ethics and morals, happiness would be too easily achieved! This way, it makes us work harder for what infinitely will make us better people!
Keep up the inspiring posts xx
Cassiopeia says
It’s an interesting thing to think about what you believe, which morals and principles are the most important to you, and which ones give you direction in life. For me, this has changed as I’ve aged. Things I thought were so right I now don’t feel are so important. Other beliefs have strengthened due to experiencing the ups and downs of life.
As a mother, I thought it was my place to teach my morals and principles to my children. Then as they grew, I realized that it was more important to teach them how to decipher which to cling to, and how to determine which ones made sense because everyone out there seems to be trying to imprint their principles on my children too. “Don’t leave your brains at the door” was a mantra I told them every time they went somewhere so they would truly think about what they were being told and determine for themselves what they should believe. I worried about what would stick and what would be tossed aside as they aged, but we all have our own path to tread, and I must say they seem to have done a great job of taking what’s important and leaving the rest. Much better than if they were “mini-mes” – oh my!
Gina says
Woman, could you slow down on the thoughtful posts?! I was still trying to digest all the WMG stuff and hadn’t got disentangled enough from the smalls to comment… but now this (and it’s already so two days ago!).
The ‘scaffolding’ in my life is absolutely intrinsic to who I am, who I try to be, and how I try to live. I too grew up Catholic, ditched that, but consciously embraced Christianity in a different form about a decade ago. It is not, as some would understand it, a narrow moral code, but essentially relationship… I’m very much of the school of ‘what would Jesus do’ when it comes to thinking about basically anything in my life. How should I think about mothering? Caring for the earth? What to do with our money? How our country should think about refugees, health care? What legacy do I want to leave? How should I deal with that annoying lady down the street?
When I come to ponder any questions, big or small, I don’t often have ‘pat answers’ provided, but a framework, a worldview, in which I can mull over them and reach conclusions. As it is we are imparting our worldview to our kids as clearly as possible, knowing full well that they will accept or reject it (as we did our upbringings!) as they become more independent beings from us.
Anyway. Ramble ramble. Looking forward to hearing your views. I do agree that contentment does very much go hand in hand with knowing that you are living in harmony with your own core beliefs.
Kymmie says
I’m popping over from tonight’s post to visit this. What a great post. In fact, the past year or so, this has been something that I’ve been giving GREAT thought. I was raised in such a mixed bag of goods, became a Christian, left, came back and stayed there. It’s not been without it’s struggles. I like the bright side of the street too, and it’s good to fully know where our values come from, and what our subculture actually is.
And because this should remain a comment, I’m going to stop there. I often think I would like to investigate this on my blog, but never do. Perhaps it is time…
But love this post. It holds something extra special for me. xx