Have you met Dave? He works at a vacuum cleaner shop that shall of course remain… Godfreys.
I don’t like Dave. Dave sells a complimentary dose of WTF? along with his fancy vacuum accessories and frankly I’m a lot tired of his superior attitude. I get that pulling the vacuum cleaner up the stairs by the hose led to a broken hose. I understand that that’s not the way to treat a vacuum. I understand that you would never be so lazy as to haul it around in such a fashion. I get that while vacuuming is just a mild irritant in my otherwise reasonable week, it is your life and you love it dearly. But does this crime really deserve what appears to be a double life sentence in Customer Penitentiary? Please, just sell me the replacement hose and crawl back into the vacuum from whence you came.
Snooty, superior salespeople. Argh. Usually found lurking around the poorly-lit change rooms of women’s fashion stores, but surprisingly common in vacuum cleaner sales as well. They will make you feel about 2 foot tall (and ten feet wide) in seconds if you let them. What to do?
1. Remember your mantra
No, sadly, it’s not ‘the customer is always right’. That died when someone moved someone else’s cheese. Your mantra is ‘I have the money’. They have 525 units to move and you have the money. That is all you really need to know.
2. Take your business elsewhere
You’ve seen the Pretty Woman movie. Oh, are you a fan? I think females are solidly divided into those that thought Pretty Woman was a fairytale to be watched again and again and those that thought it sucked.
But I digress.
If a salesperson makes you feel like a beggar, smile sweetly and walk out the door. In this age of debt-riden consumerism, there are plenty of other places who would be very happy to see you indeed.
3. Be ready with a handy retort
Aside from saying “yeah, well, I’m dressed like this because there aren’t a lot of clothing options in jail”, you could try one of these.
They say: I don’t think we carry clothes in your size.
You respond: That’s interesting because I carry clothes in my size every single day. They are really not that heavy. Maybe you should give it a try.
They say: You should get some of this skin primer to smooth out those wrinkles before you put on this foundation.
You respond: Primer? Foundation? What, are we building me a new face? Don’t answer that…
Right, well, you get the idea.
4. Call their bluff
Most people who work in retail are lovely, helpful people. But some give off the vibe that they just stopped by for 8 hours on their way to getting a pedi. They are most likely an Actor / Dancer / Singer / Checkout Chick. If they’re totally slacking off to the detriment of your day, it’s okay to say “I would like to speak to your manager”. When they say “I am the manager”, see point 2.
5. Keep perspective
Above all else, remember that it really doesn’t matter if the lass who works at the clothes shop thinks you’re an unstylish heiffer. I know when they start using that look it’s tempting to start rabbiting on about needing to see your Stylist whom you’ll drive to in your Ferrari with your new customised Sharon-Lee eyebrows framing your face beautifully. But it’s not necessary. Purchase your goods and leave quietly. At the end of the day, you’re a mother /lover / friend / Neurosurgeon and they are that lass who works at the clothes shop.
[Image by Revoluzzza, check out her gorgeous stuffed monsters here]
Life In A Pink Fibro says
PMSL. Fabulously funny post in a crap week. Love it. Dave may be superior but, let’s face it, he’s still selling vacuums for a living while you are… well, looking good in your new dress. And there are a lot of stairs in Maxabellaland, so he knows nothing.
Plus, he does not have your superior taste in paying off credit card books. 🙂
Taryn says
Haha love it! Too funny x
Kymmie says
Bad experience at Godfrey’s then? But first about Pretty Woman. Love it. And it could totally happen in real life? Yes, I’ve had a snooty salesperson’s encounter just recently. And I took my potential of 15 years worth of fancy shoes elsewhere (even after they offered free shoes and half price shoes with free delivery). I will not be bought! Great post Maxabella. You’re one funny woman. xx
MomAgain@40 says
I saw Pretty Women again, just a few weeks back! Love that encounter in the boutique! 😀
Take your business elsewhere! As easy as that!
Very funny, Maxabella!
Naturally Carol says
I agree with you…just need to take your business elsewhere ‘cos if it’s made in China there is bound to be another outlet somewhere in your city or online! I reckon a small comment to let them know that it’s your plan to do that works wonders too…if only to calm yourself down.
Christie-Childhood 101 says
I have number 6. Burst into tears and make them feel like crap! Or maybe they wouldn’t feel bad, if they really were super snooty. Either way, it is worth a try.
Rachel says
You sure know how to cheer us all up…. I’m giggling like a kid here.. mainly cause everything you write its happened to one of us at some point…
Love the new dress by the way very nice 🙂
Posie Patchwork says
Oh you said it, they still work there, serving you!! As someone who works behind the counter of an amazing Shop & shopping experience, i often get asked why i’m not doing something else (i’m chatty, i talk to my customers, they don’t understand why i’m not still a pharmacologist) but gosh, there is so much more to me & other mummies behind the counter – mainly, it’s school hours & we still get to be stay at home mummies & housewives, our children are just in school & it’s a nice job.
But we’re not the type you’re talking about, we give awesome customer service & generally don’t sell vacuums, we have another life with meaning!!
I buy a new Dyson every 10 years, saves all kinds of vacuum buying chaos & drama, they are fantastic & have such a ergonically designed handle on the barrel, you’d never pull it by the hose, i can see now that is a design plus to save the hose. I will also add, don’t tread on them if you’re a fully grown male as the plastic handle on the hose will suprisingly crack & it’s just not the same pretty purple vacuum anymore with 100mph tape on it. Sigh.
Finally i refuse crap service, i just walk away, but my handsome husband NEVER gets bad service. Damn his charisma!! Love Posie
Cat from Raspberry Rainbow says
I exercise your point no 2 all the time. I have a killer pissed off look too, which I apparently use way too often (so I am told, I dont think I use it too often……)
Ruby Star says
Oh there’s plenty of those types in this town. I used to work in retail so it irks me when they know you’re there but carry on with whatever important task they are doing. My little trick is to seek out the compliments/complaints card and pick it up in clear view while staring at said bra shop assistant and then putting it in my purse. That get’s them moving or yes I just walk out. I can’t be bothered with bad service. And I do love pretty woman. 🙂
Mrs Woog says
Country Road + Mosman + “sales assistants” = Mrs Woog going loco.
Very Bored in Catalunya says
Oh yes – take your custom elsewhere, like when a snotty cow on the Chanel counter once thought I couldn’t afford some of their blusher, I popped along to the Yves St Laurent counter opposite and purchased 5 items. I couldn’t afford it, but hey it made my day to see her lose her commission.
KristiMcMurry says
I don’t get a lot of snooty salespeople in my town, except at Victoria’s Secret. But there are a ton of just-plain-rude people! What irks me is when someone is ringing up my purchase and doesn’t even bother to look me in the eye. I think they should at least say hi or something. I worked in retail through college and I always made an effort to engage every customer and make them feel special. I guess everyone doesn’t think that way.
And Pretty Woman, I love it! It’s not one I watch all the time, but I do enjoy it.
Jaz from Treacy Travels says
hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
mel @ loved says
Aaaahhh! Dave STILL has my vacumm cleaner!!! This is a brilliant piece Bron, I love it & sadly I’m surrounded by these miserable WTF people. It’s really so irritating & soooo embarassing when you live smack bang in the middle of a tourist destination and these people look at you like you have just shot their mother, not merely ordered a latte…we must laugh, I do love your helpful tips!
anjwritesabout.com says
Heart this – and love seeing your sarky (but totally justified) side. 😉
Lesley says
Oh yes! My most recent experience is – wait for it – at the LIBRARY. We have a certain type of librarian with a severe superiority complex – and it seems to be those of a certain generation! So much for being a family friendly, community place. I won’t get into it – but no-one likes being talked down to when you’re paying your late fines, and a simple friendly “hello” would go such a long way. I sometimes think public servants think manners and customer service do not apply.
Curvaceous Queen says
Love it, I’m a subscriber to the PW shopping method. Say hasta la vista to that sales bonus never goes astray 🙂
MultipleMum says
I wonder if the Geege is one of these. You know, looking down his nose at people who are new to camping? Tee he.
Loving the new Maxabella x
PinkPatentMaryJanes says
Hell.
Yeah!
Louise says
Ha! This made me laugh 🙂
Cornflake says
Oh my goodness this is the most funny thing I’ve read – not to mention relatable – for ages! I’m glad you left a comment today as it’s enabled me to read this witty piece. I think I might have to refer other to this.
I hate clothes shopping mostly because of the shop assistants, what’s with the attitude? You’re spot on with your observations, lol! And yes, we’re the ones with the money (and not debt-laden credit cards I might add) 🙂 xx
littlemissairgap says
Do snooty medical receptionists count? Struggled to get Miss Flea in her pram through the doors into flash orthodontic surgery in Clayfield. Surgery empty around 4:30pm. Two YSB’s (Young Snooty Bitch) just stood & watched me struggle with the steps & then the heavy old double doors (was a bank). Whilst asking about an appointment with the first YSB for my Big Girl, Miss Flea hops out of her pram & goes over to the play room they have for children. 2nd YSB pipes up and shrieks, “We’ve just tidied that!” I reply, “She’s not about to make a mess and I think I’ll pass on that appointment.”
I wish I’d phoned the surgery the next day to let them know, Julia Roberts style, that they’d made a big mistake … I have 2 daughters who will need lots of orthodontic work in the years to come. I could have funded the orthodontist’s next holiday to Aspen.
Stacia says
Remember me? I was in here yesterday, and you wouldn’t wait on me. You work on commission, right? Big mistake. Big. Huge. I have to go shopping now!
Oh, wait, did I just quote Pretty Woman from memory? Guess you know where I stand on it then … Can we still be friends?? =>
vanessawith3 says
Must watch pretty woman once yearly love it. Sorry posie but my most recent Dave was Dyson fixer. I got the third degree as to how often I wash the filters and was I renovating to cause this much dust??? Fark yes I was renovating and need to vacuum A LOT! And I am here to pay for a service so shut up and service it!!!
Jane says
Loving your trademark wit, Bron. Loving your new outfit even more. J x
littleminx says
what a great post, very well written! There is a scene in “Absolutely Fabulous” where a saleswoman is being snotty and Edina says to a salewoman “you only work in a shop you know” – gets me by every time
Linda says
oh this is funny, firstly I loved Pretty Woman at the time but I haven’t watched it again in years and years. I seem to encouter these sales a lot and they do make me feel like crap but I am getting better at walking away. I used to take it then get home and stew then ring the manager to complain which always made me feel better, now I walk away AND still ring the manager if I feel I need to, I find most of the worst offenders are young pups about 18-30 who have the absolute worst attitude and no work ethic
One Flew Over says
Bloody hilarious!
Anonymous says
Well I’m offended. It may come as a shock horror to you that I’m a member of management in a store and have a first class honours degree in english and graduated in 2010. Don’t be too quick to generalize every ‘snooty shop assistant’, as the unfortunate thing for some people is unlike the baby boomers who left school when the job market was desperate for educated people todays climate is not so easy. Not all assistants are snooty out of choice, sometimes customers are down right rude and desrespectful.
Tania McCartney says
Brilliant.
Yes, yes, many retail assistants and managers are just lovely – and yes, yes [per Anonymous, above] many customers are shits…
…but the sad facts are:
a) crabby, rude and snooty retailers are becoming increasingly common
b) I am turning to internet shopping more and more and more
c) yes, there is a very direct corelation between points a and b.
I’m over it.
jacqduemmer says
Thanks for posting the link, I missed it first time round. Love it. Thanks for the laugh !