Some people are just not very nice. They don’t seem to have learned the golden life rule about treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself.
That bloke in accounts who lets the door shut in your face every single time. The kid who thinks ‘merge’ means ‘push in immediately’. That guy on the train with his legs spread across three seats (his balls are apparently that big). That mother at the school gate who turns slightly away every time you approach. There are so very, very many rude bastards out there.
They just don’t get the fact that life runs on little everyday niceties; they are Life Rude. Would it kill them to be kind?
So, how do we handle this unnecessary business without being rude right back?
1. Don’t reach for the PowerPoint
Tempting though it is to launch into a Modern Manners lecture complete with Venn diagrams, I wouldn’t go there. I remember cringing as a woman on the train once tried this with a big-ball-leg-spreader and she just sounded so whiny. The trouble with rudeness is that it is actually quite a trivial matter on its own. The more you sound off about it, the more inconsequential their rudeness seems.
2. The boxer approach
Depending on the type of day you’ve had, you could always just get physical. I’m pretty sure that squeezing yourself in next to that big-ball-leg-spreader and giving him a whacking-hard shove out of the way would make you feel a whole lot better. And imagine just walking up and decking that imperceptibly-snobby mum at the school gate. Oh, the blessed relief!
3. Cue your Look of Utter Contempt
Of course, I could never condone violence of any kind*, so instead I’ll recommend the non-verbal equivalent of a slap to the face. The Look of Utter Contempt.
This is the look you would give if you were the Queen of the World and they were some simple little serf prone on the floor in front of you beseeching you for their life. Your foot would ease out from your bejewelled gown to give them a smart kick to the face… oh, sorry, back on the violence again.
4. Cue your Look of Utter Distaste
If you get no luck with the Look of Utter Contempt, try the Look of Utter Distaste. This look is similar to what you might find on a face that has just discovered its attached foot has stepped in slightly-sticky dog poo, walked it through the newly-carpeted house, up the 27 stairs and into bed.
“What are you looking at?” says the loud-mouthed buffoon.** Cue your Distaste aimed directly at their eyeballs and say “oh, I’m looking at absolutely nothing”.
5. Beat them with niceness
When the looks and the brawling fail, it’s time to resort to being nice. Rudeness is always louder when surrounded by impeccable manners. Up your own nice factor, smile sweetly and bring them to their knees.
** I’m not entirely sure what a buffoon is but I’m pretty sure I would know if I was Queen of the World and writing this with my quill.
[Image by the delightful Suse at Revoluzza as always. Thank you for your marvellousness, Suse.]
Cate says
I either try to kill them with sickly sweetness (you know, completely smother them till they can’t breathe…) or just ignore them and be thankful that my life is obviously much happier than theirs – a bit of ‘there but by the grace of god goes I’ does wonders (ahhh the view from the high road is so satisfying!!)
xxxCate
Jodie at Mummy Mayhem says
Sound advice here, hon.
Of course, I have been known to be one of those people who *has* to say something to the rude person. That’s just me. I would like to think I don’t come off as whiny, but perhaps I come off as angry and should take the high road and just try the look instead.
I’m giving ‘the look’ a go!
Naturally Carol says
Who knows their reasons for seeming or being rude? Trying to live biblically I would say..no.6..you know..the second mile and the heaping burning coals on the head type of stuff.
Life In A Pink Fibro says
I am oblivious to rudeness. Don’t see it unless it’s staring me in the face. Even then, I can ignore it. That woman at the gate? She’s got nothing in the face of the sheer blast of my friendly smile. Guy with big balls? I just politely give him a little shove as I sit down, same wide friendly smile. Nothing. They’ve got nothing.
And if that fails, there’s always frozen food.
Maxabella says
Al, Cate and Lucy are going to go nuts seeing that frozen food reference again… you are making me have to tell the frozen food story. I’m sorry. It’s coming. x
Posie Patchwork says
Wow, number 10 in the series, so many people types to deal with in this world!!
Their ignorance must be bliss, for me it depends on their age how i react – what i loathe is people who huff & puff around your children & i turn it on them & say loud & clear “darling, just move to the left to let that awfully imporant person past, they don’t know how to say excuse me & make it happen for themselves”. Yep, would have said that a million times. They’re children, say excuse me to get past them, it’s an amazing phrase, very effective!!
Another of my goodies is “not everyone likes children, so steer clear everyone” when people are horrified you’d take them out of your own home. How else are your children going to learn how to act in the world without experience??
Oh, i can give you a new topic to add to a list “dealing with mums who don’t get out of their cars to greet their children in the afternoon, then hit the pedals & high speed out of car parks” in that i’ve-got-my-children-i’m-off kind of selfish way. Me, i’d rather get out, chat, collect the children slowly & herd them into the car, then happily be the last car to leave. Oh high school car parks are vicious. Love Posie
Lucy says
Spill, please spill, on the frozen food tale….
I have a boots and all kind of approach. The school gate Mum – snooty cow – is her name Gemma by the way? I grin and say “Hi!” in a cheery manner.
Big balls on the train – Big grin and a presumptive but cheerful “scuse me…”
I have been challenged. A grin and a slightly exasperated “are you for real?” usually works…
xx
Mrs BC says
I’m with Lucy, a big smile, direct eye contact & a firm “Hello! How are you?’ will freak that snotty mum right out, & then she won’t be able to ignore me again. Avoid me, yes – but that is almost as good! I also like a bit of sarcastic snark occasionaly. I once politely asked a woman who was aggressively handling an umbrella if she would like my address, so that when she got home & discovered an eyeball stuck on the prong of her brolly she would know where to send it. I think she might have been embarrassed by the other people laughing, but she sure pulled her head in. And her umbrella.
Mrs BC
xx
Tatter Beans says
show them with love…. thats what my mom told us to do..and I love doing it..it makes people feel uncomfortable after they have been rude ….
Sim says
Why is it you always think of the best comebacks after the heat of the moment? Well I do. I grin and bear it or try to act like it’s water off a ducks back and then half an hour later I think of the sweetest retort!
ChinkyGirLMeL says
My eyebrows seems to have a mind of it’s own. My eyebrows always seem to go up whenever someone is rude. When it is too much to bear I normally keep quiet but I do roll my eyes.
supermac says
Excellent post. I am all for spreading a culture of kindness. By the way, on number 3 and 4, we also call it the “Death Stare” ;-D
Tricia Rose says
I favour the two-step my old mammy taught me – Don’t Stoop is the first step, and requires a look of flawless serenity, and Snicker, which is done in private when you ponder how the offender sees his/herself.
I don’t want to see myself as the woman always in an angry huff!
Rachael says
Gosh, you are so funny, I love your blog! Makes me laugh. Especially love the comment about ‘if I were the queen of the world writing with my quill pen’! Love it.
Rude people…I mean, I think everyone is rude at some point in their lives. Sometimes. Of course there are people who are always like that because they think they are ‘above’ you. So if I encounter a rude person, I just try to be nice. No, actually, I take that back. I would probably get mad and get all huffy and say call them out on their rudeness. I would do that if the ‘being nice’ part didn’t work.
Eastlyn and co. says
Hi, Maxabella. My vote is for #5. Killing them with kindness is one approach that really highlights their rude behavior and should make them at least feel a bit guilty about it. Meanwhile, you have not diminished yourself to behaving on their level. A doctor was recently rude to me on my new job when I had to call and ask him for discharge orders for my patient. I let it roll off of me like water off of a duck’s back and moved on with my day. Certainly didn’t dwell on his rudeness…it’s his problem not mine.
Karen Wilson says
Whilst I agree with your comment
They don’t seem to have learned the golden life rule about treating others the way you would like to be treated yourself.
I think part of the problem is that if you treated them the way they are treating you, they wouldn’t care because they think it’s normal… which actually means they ARE living by that golden rule!
One of the most amusing times I’ve been treated rudely was in a sandwich shop at lunch. There was a man who I’d thought was in front of me, so when the lady serving called out “who’s next?” I didn’t speak up. She asked three times and this man did not respond so I stepped up. He then proceed to complain to all his friends how he was first and how rude I was and that it all came down to good breeding. Of course he wouldn’t shut up long enough for me to offer for him to go first and point out that the lady had asked three times.
I think it does come down to breeding, and obviously he was bred poorly 😉
Kim H says
I hate rudeness. I don’t see any time in my life where rudeness has ever been an acceptable way of behaving.
We were recently at the circus. It was such fun and so big for Bega. My time was a little uncomfortable though as I sat next to a guy who did exactly what you said – legs spread like he was, well, a show off! I felt so uncomfortable. I have a fairly large personal space as it is so I ended up with leg and hip cramps from trying not to touch the man but also trying to relax in my seat as much as I could. Agh! Intermission was such relief. But I couldn’t say anything to him. He seemed oblivious to my discomfort. Inside I was shoving him over but in reality I couldn’t. Thankfully my friend, on th other side of me, had a spare seat as her daughter ended up sitting on her knee for the whole performance. So for the second half of the show I sat sitting one seat separated from the guy but I felt really mean the whole time as he must have realised that I didn’t want to sit next to him.
Oh well…thanks for sharing xx
oh, I am having a giveaway over at Feather & Nest if you’d like to take part xx
Corinne – Daze of My Life says
Rude people completely rile me. The person who puts their trolley across the aisle so you can not get past, then sighs heavily when you say ‘excuse, me’. The medical receptionist who snaps ‘You’re five minutes early!’ when you approach the desk. My neighbours who put their bins in the street in front of my house all day to mind a ‘car spot’ when they get home in the evening. Oh there are so many.
I’m a bit meek, so I’m not one to say anything to anyone. I just behave as well as I can myself.
Kamika says
Hahahaha this made me laugh out loud! I have a very good look of contepmpt/distaste face. It comes out often on the buss. The big ball leg spreader guy, the I have to listen to metal blaring from my headphones at 7am guy, the elbow shover, or my current fave…the I am just going to sit here and stare at your six month pregnant belly but not get up and offer you a seat. GAH!
But yes, rudness is SO much louder when surrounded by nice. You are so right
Miss Kitty-Cat says
I know those men on the bus… They put their bags on the seat next to them so no one will sit there and get all huffy when you ask them if they would mind moving them so they can sit down. The temerity!!
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I Saw You Dancing says
Hmmm… that’s a good one! I tend to resort to number five but only because I am a conflict avoider! 🙂
I tend to hide behind my sunglasses and book (if not in a moving vehicle) and crank up my iPod to maximum distraction volume.
Sometimes an unanticipated moment of empathy with the object of my ire will emerge… actually, this happens more often than not (although this can also result in me feeling guilty for wishing the plague on them earlier, and also annoyed that I hadn’t said/done anything in a constructive way to break the impasse).
I love the way you’ve captured the complexity of an everyday conundrum here. Funny how these tiny things can become so HUGE and representative in our minds, especially in retrospect!
Miss Pink says
Rudeness is everywhere nowdays isn’t it?
Me personally, when i see rudeness i remind myself that i do NOT want my children to be like that, and so i talk to them about the said bad behaviour and we talk about the right thing to do.
When i am sans kids (read: never) i’m usually somewhat of a bitch. I ask people if they’re “alright” or i scoff at them.
alexkeller says
this is tough.
as a customer i would like to be rude right back to the shop keep. but having been shop keep, i know that the rude people are the last ones i will help.
unfortunately, some of these people are not me, so if i’m still getting nowhere, i end up being rude.
so not fair!
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
hahahahah!! this is great!! i do look forward to these posts as they are very helpful!! You should start taking requests – i could do with some tips with how to deal with the “over-helper” – you know the one that volunteers to do everything, help all the time, but yet, somehow gets away with doing zero! difficult. hmph!
happy day to you xx
ps – frozen food??
Maxabella says
Bren, I think I may be one of those over-helpers myself so I’m rather reluctant to show you how to deal with me… x
Michelle says
Kill them with kindness is usually my moto. Except for the leg spreading man sitting next to me that is the most irritating thing that could happen on public transport. I have to purse my lips together to stop myself from saying c’mon we all know its not THAT big!
Michelle @ The Crafty Little Fox says
Ahh yes those people who can ruin another’s day. In my mind I would just like to whack big ball guy with my handbag in a place that would bring his legs together quick smart. However incase big ball guy would like to whack me back I would probably do the be nice thing… even though it would be fake. Under my breath and with the little voice in my head I would be saying all sorts of things because I can.
PS… Love the Extreme Monkover comment! Gave me the biggest belly laugh 🙂
Emma says
Can I just say I was chuckling just reading the title of this post!LOL I thought to myself this is going to be a pearler!
I think so many people these days are rude and don’t even realise it. I’m a confronter for the most part when dealing with rudeness. That leg spreader on the train, he’d get a shove and a smile. If I had my boys with me the smallest would be sat opposite to him so he’d have to close his legs to protect himself. The mum at the school gate, I’d go up and introduce myself, saying that I’d noticed she always gives my such a friendly smile.
The two I hate the most is the checkout chick who’s had a bad day and speaks barely two words to each customer – “That’s $53”. I confront that by saying “Fine Thanks, how are you today?” that usually shocks her out of her funk.
Then there’s people who run into someone they know in the supermarket and block the isles! The worst ones have the gall to huff and puff when I politely say “excuse me”! To which I reply, “Well this is a supermarket not a coffee shop” as I walk off.
I’ve been told I can be a sarcastic bitch when it comes to rudeness…I reckon that’s better than being rude!
Kristy @ Loulou Zoo says
This made me laugh…I HATE it when people shut the door in my face! I always imagine what I will say (number 1), but never actually go through with it. So I employ the look of contempt then apply a generous serving of niceness!!!
Maxabella says
I have take to saying things to rude people. Usually sarcastic, which is not right, but still! x