I love a party. Something tells me that’s hardly a secret!!
There are lots of things that parents do that makes hosting a chid’s party a lot easier and things they do that annoy me to the moon and back. So I thought I might share a few yays and nays for negotiating the party circuit in the hope that we can all help out a frazzled party hostess someday, somewhere…
1. Please, please, please RSVP
Despite sending a reminder email both on the RSVP date and the day before the party (you know me), I didn’t hear from three of the invitees. I refused to call them. Two of them showed up on the day anyway. It’s annoying enough to always have to have ‘back up’ lolly bags and what not, but it’s a whole new level of annoying when you’re making individual rainbow tutus and personalising drink bottles and pots of gold.
2. Please don’t bring randoms
At the Badoo’s pink party we had three sibling ring-ins, two of them being ‘older’ kids who required a bit of loving. I don’t know about you, but I would never bring my other children to a party when only one child was invited. I have, however, just that one time, been known to call a party mum and request as a favour that the extra sibling be accommodated for. It wasn’t a problem for the mum and it wouldn’t be a problem for me either (otherwise I would never have asked, of course!)
3. Please supervise the under fives
I was flabbergasted when a mum did a drop off at The Badoo’s recent party. The child was three. I think that’s way too young to leave a child with a family you don’t know on party day. It’s not daycare, lady. Let’s face it, if the child is likely to request that the party host give them a bottom wipe at some point, they are probably too young to drop off. Personally I think school age is the appropriate age, but if you think younger is okay for your child it might be a good idea to phone ahead and make sure the party mum is happy with that arrangement.
4. Dietary requirements can kill a mum
If your child has a dislike of a particular food, have a chat to them about moving onto the next food without comment. There is nothing more defeating than to have slaved for hours to produce a party spread and having 22 children moaning and groaning in your ear about not eating one food or another (meringues! popcorn! fruit! whatever!). It’s like being the mother of 22 children at dinnertime. If your child is allergic to a food, please let me know well in advance so I don’t cater that food. EpiPens are not my speciality.
5. Please be on time to collect
It might be a two hour party, but it will have felt like years to the party mum. You can bet she was wilting after one hour and ready to collapse in a corner about 15 minutes before end time. Don’t make her punch through a second longer than necessary.
Jane says
Ah, another of your worthy community service announcements, Bron. Really, you are a dazzling ornament in Blogland. Bravo, my friend! J x
Miss Mandy says
love it.
my sons four year old party this year, his whole class came and only one parent didn’t stay. that parent happened to be the one that said “his epipen is in his bag if you need it” I’m sorry but WTF, I was left freaking out the whole bloody time.
flowerpress says
hah, the party circuit 😉
I remember our first one and thinking – two hours isn’t very long… little did I know!
Samantha says
Oh yes, definately agree with Jane, fab community service announcement. Miss Wendy you are very funny. Have a fab week.x
Cherie @ 'a baby called Max' says
RSVP’s KILL me!
Do you know we had a similar experience with our wedding?
People not RSVP’ing, having to call them, & then 3 were no show’s! Hundreds of dollars wasted on an empty seat?!
I can completely relate.
And this is a brilliant post, that should be a consideration that comes naturally to most, yet sadly doesn’t.
Also, Would love a how to!
Cherie xx
Megan Blandford says
I can’t believe she left her 3 year old there!
As for non-RSVP’ers – it’s just plain rude.
Kate Sins says
Yes, please do a ‘how to…’ I’m partily-challenged and am going to have to learn – so it should be from the best. Mr 2 is already demanding the train cake for his January birthday. Have you tried to make a cake with multiple coloured icings in January in a house with no air-con? Would love some tips!
Reeling at the lack of manners of some people. Am so glad you posted this. I didn’t know people are so inconsiderate.
Kellie @ Sasse Avenue says
I recently held a b’day party for my six year old and 2 mothers RSVPd from 14. 2!!!!! Not RSVPing is the height of rudeness when someone has spent the time and money to invite your child. I’m starting to think that maybe some people don’t know what RSVP means.
Great Post.
Kel x
Laura a.k.a rah says
some people have a cheek don’t they? dumping their littlies for free babysitting, that’s just bad manners
Mum's the word says
these are great please dos! especially hate it when people bring extra kids.Its not fair to the kids because we count the number of lolly bags, game gifts etc and also theres enough kids without extras!
ClaireyHewitt says
As party season planning begins at the Huey house these tips might be stapled to the invites (would that be rude).
I was planning on having Immy’s fairy party at a new little place around the corner from us, we go there weekly and she loves it, but they are no longer doing three year old parties as the last one, three parents dropped and ran!! Really! At a shop where you don’t know the people. Apparently there were wet pants and tantrums and it all went a little feral.
Naturally Carol says
I recently ran into a woman who threw a party for 300 who all insisted they were coming and then only 30 turned up! How rude was that? The easiest parties I’ve thrown for kids catered for parents to stick around..they were there if their kids mucked up..and second tip..my eldest loved to run the games..yay..he was fabulous, the kids loved him and it was a great break for me. I could get on and be more prepared for the rest of it and socialise a bit as well!
jody says
So this is what i have to look forward too? A great post Bron! x
Toni says
You should TOTALLY be in the Party Business. You’d be every kids’ favourite party planner for sure.
Anna Bartlett says
From one ‘party mum’ to another – great post!
Can I add one more ‘no no’ – “PLEASE don’t tell every other parent at the party (where your child is a guest) about HOW EASY and wonderful it was when your child had their last party at “Clown Town” (or similar)… I KNOW there are places that you can go to and pay per head, I’m NOT whinging about the time and effort I’ve put in to my child’s party – I have done it because I have the space at home and like to do this stuff and have worked on it with my child/ren… please just relax and enjoy it. No need to compare it. Feel free to have your next party at “Clown Town’ and we’ll be happy to go. I’ll even stay to look after my own child. Promise.”
4 kids, 20 suitcases and a beagle says
A 3 year old?? Who does that?
My pet peeve is the random, especially when it happens to be someone WAY older brother or sister.
That cake looks good – can you send some my way?
Kirsty
Sarah Mac says
A big yes (and no where appropriate to ALL of the above) and DO leave a contact number that you will answer if you are leaving your child!
therhythmmethod says
Awesome. Now can you do one “How not to freak out about your child’s birthday party”. I was *this close* from chowing down some valium this year. Instead I just ate my weight in butter icing and smarties.
Fiona says
Now – you are so sensible, and I’m pretty sensible too. Apparently it’s not all that common to be polite and considerate, wrt to birthday parties. So please – shout your top 5 from the rooftop so everyone understands what they’re meant to be doing!
InkPaperPen says
Please do the “how to” party post…I have only done one party so far and I freaked out before hand, worrying about every small detail. I did have a couple turn up without RSVPing and trying to put together the extra loot bags just about did me in.
Oh and I’d like to know the etiquette on providing separate Parent Food, Parent Cake, Parent Drinks? We offered all the parents a glass of sparkling last year and we were knocked down flat by every single one. Didn’t we feel like a couple of Boozers after that?! To be honest, the idea of having to prepare a gourmet adult food selection as well as the kid stuff gives me the willies!
Cherie says
I’ve been out of the party scene for decades I’m mortified … what happened to manners?
You’re too lovely, too nice! Put your foot down to all these child minding users, set the rules, NOW!
Thanks for the education :~)
Mum on the Run says
The non RSVPer is a bug bear here.
It does often tend to be the folk who don’t throw parties, so I’m being kind and assuming they just don’t understand the effort a host goes to.
Or maybe they’re just plain rude and ignorant?!
I can’t believe a three year old was a ‘drop off’. Man!!!
Great post party girl.
🙂
Cheryl Roth says
I think I would have run down the street chasing the car if someone dropped off their 3 year old. You are brave to host a party for 22 kids. I learned to limit my kids to inviting no more than 7 friends, that was more than enough for me.
One time I casually invited a couple of my older kid’s friends to come over to our house after church for our youngest child’s first birthday. Before I knew what was happening our whole house was filled with kids off all ages (with no parents) because the ones I had invited had spread the word. It didn’t help that we lived right next to the church so it was easy access. My one year old freaked out and would not stop crying when they all sang happy birthday. How to start your life with the worst birthday ever.
Felicity says
I think the distinction people are missing here is that when their child receives a party invitation it’s for their child ‘not’ for their convenience or the enjoyment of the siblings.
To take advantage of or ignore this in any way is truly the height of rudeness and you could bet your socks that these parents haven’t hosted their own special party.
My niece recently turned 4 with her own rainbow inspired shindig, all the adults stayed and it was a lovely event with one very happy little girl asleep in her bed early that night…and for me that’s what it’s all about.
There’s a 13yo birthday party coming up in my calendar so any planning ideas will be most appreciated.
xx’s
Kristy says
No randoms! Absolutely.
My Vintage Vow says
Couldn’t agree more and as chasing rsvps it’s the bane of my existence for any planned gathering, it is just so rude.
B says
First off, please excuse the fact that I’m going to use your comment box for my own personal venting.
Second off, let me explain. The people that attended my sons recent 5th birthday party read my blog so I had to bottle all my frustrations.
Thank goodness you posted about parties so I can finally unleash them!!
We held a superhero party a couple of weeks ago. I gave my son the choice of inviting his friends that are his age or our family friends (his age plus siblings etc…) and made the rule that it was going to be a no more than 12 kids type of party.
He chose to invite kids 5 and under. I made it crystal clear on the invite. I go a little crafty crazy for birthdays so I painstakingly made 12 capes, masks, shields, goody bags, personalized decorations, drinks, food etc…
The night before I had a call from a parent asking if she could bring her cousin because she forgot she was babysitting. I explained the whole little kid thing but ended up saying yes. She promised he wouldnt need a goody bag etc…
The day of the party she brought 4 older kids. And they were not well behaved kids. Thank goodness my son is oblivious. If he had been paying attention to anything other than the dressup corner he would have seen these kids destroying his party. Pushing little kids, breaking toys and games, refusing to take turns etc… And 3 other families brought older kids unannounced despite the explicit instructions to the contrary.
My son had a good day but I was PISSED!!! We didnt even allow our twin 7 yr olds to have goody bags etc… because we were really trying to make it a 5yr and younger event. They worked at the party and provided the games and entertainment.
We also had the unexpected drop off and the parents that came to socialize and ignore their own children.
I felt like I had finally planned the perfect no stress, fun, personal party and these people did their best to wreck it.
I keep havign to remind myself that it is about my son and not me and that he had a great time.
There were lots of other things too, but I already feel better now that I got that much out, so thank you 🙂
Finally, I have 3 boys and I go gaga for parties. If you ever need/want help writing a how to party post I would love to take on that task!
timeforb.blogspot.com
Sheila says
Great post – Something I’d probably add comes from a friend of mine, she asks that those invited donate a few pounds/dollars towards a gift of her daughters choice, this then prevents too many presents of which most are really not needed!
Taryn says
Brilliant post! I have to add…I hated it when hosting my sons rainbow party this year, how one particular parent kept harping on and on about food colouring and sugar and how his son would be up all night – people – it’s a kids birthday party…if you don’t want your kid having some lollies and cake….stay home!!!!
Sonia @ Life Love and Hiccups says
I found myseld nodding along to ever single one of those. We once had a parent return an hour after the party finished to pick up her 5 year old and her 8 year old that she had decided to leave at our house without asking. Arghh! xx
Vanessa says
I think non RSVPers have never thrown a decent birthday party and have no idea when you are trying to create individual items.
We had a three year old left at her older sibling’s invite, without being told! First I learnt was when I found her crying at our front gate. I had to organise games with her on my hip. I was furious.
Would love to hear your ideas on how to host…
Eva says
that cake is so adorable looking! I want it.
http://bottleblack.blogspot.com
Jodi @ The Scribble Den says
I hate the non-RSVPs. How damn rude! How hard is it to RSVP? You are either going or not?
Veggie Mama says
am. circulating. this. to. everyone.
now.
And please write the post xo
Ironmum Karla says
Good advice to take on board for the coming years, look forward to tomorrows post, parties are not my forte!
Alisa says
I love the way you write Maxabella. Great post, looks like it was a fab party too – Check out that cake! : )
Amba @ Team Mummy says
The RSVP thing drives me nuts!!!
I mean how hard is a quick txt? I even had to chase people for OUR wedding. Its beyond rude!
My sons big 1st bday party is this sunday, admittedly I have put in a lot of effort, so I hope things go to plan 🙂
Miss Pink says
Would love a “how to run” post!
I agree with you on most, the only one that is a bit of a grey area is the extra kids. This is because of my situation, if i’m taking Bluey to a birthday party, which I ALWAYS stay for (5 is too young in my personal opinion to just drop off unless, as you said, prearranged, but I stick around because I want to make sure HE is remembering HIS manners and behaving.) I 99% of the time have Greenie with me, because he is a younger sibling. I DO NOT ever expect the host to provide for him, I always pack food and a drink for him, but what do you do if your other half is working and you have this party to go to? Babysitters are NOT always on hand for us, we don’t have lots of friends or family that could take him for a couple of hours, so I bring him along and never with an expectation of anything of the host.
Do you think that that is ok? OR maybe I should be checking that it’s ok.
If people don’t RSVP (it happens at ALL ages, my birthday party I had less than half the people RSVP. It’s fucking rude. Just say “no sorry”.) I don’t make goodie bags or anything, and I do make the comment of “Oh we weren’t expecting you” You should NEVER have to chase people up that you are inviting.
I like the point about dietry requirements. We have an allergy here that I usually wouldn’t mention because it’s an egg allergy and I am there to supervise, and it’s just too hard to tell a parent “hey we can’t do eggs” It’s hard for ME to work it out, so I don’t expect others, and there is lots that can still be eaten.
Leisa says
I’m SO with you on everything! There are so many ways to RSVP these days – a call, sms, email, facebook message, letter…and yet some people can’t manage to use any of them!
I think I’ve been there with you on all points. Thanks for posting! 🙂
Photographer Mum says
Yes please do a “how to” post. I would love some inspiration and ideas. My daughter turns 5 very soon and I need help on the party front.
Great points made on party etiquette – I hate it when people drop their kids and run unless it’s prearranged. And who leaves a child with a potentially life threatening allergy at a party on their own???!!! Seriously!
Looking forward to the How To 🙂
Daisy, Roo and Two says
Hell Yes to all of these!! I have the same issue as Miss Pink – if Roo is invited to a party I most often will have the twins with me – but I don’t expect them to be catered for in any way, and make a point of telling the party host that I will be bringing them and not to bother with any goodies for the boys.
RSVPing is EASY. SO EASY. We have had the same trouble with so many parties – just say no, or yes, and NEVER show up when you are not expected!!
Down that Little Lane says
Short n sweet… RSVP or do NOT come!!..
100% no randoms, randoms spell disaster and always seem to be ungrateful and rude.. that includes siblings…there are names o the invites for a reason!
Five is 100% the earliest age for drop off (unless the kid virtually lives at your house because they are a bestie in which case it wouldn’t happen as Mum will be hanging out being the bestie that she is!!)
Dietary.. OMG.. teach your kids early not to moan and do tell the party planner, my God Daughter is No Egg, No Nut and her Mum has taught her to ask before she eats anything un known. She is 2 and she DOES.. it rocks and she is so good whne you say ” No sorry Kiki, thats not for you my sweet” Sad Face but OK and walks away.. I made sure she had treats at Kittys recent party 😉
On time? Don’t friggin’ leave!.
Great post as always am sure we could all vent for hours!!
Naomi says
YES! To all of those.
And please for the love of god, it is NOT your child’s party, it is my child’s… that gives them exclusive rights to blowing out the candles. It is not cute when your child and their (uninvited) sibling elbow in and blow them out, spiting chips as they do so. *aaaaand breathe*
As for the pick up time, I always made the time on the invite 15 minutes earlier than the actual end time, made a huge difference to me having an empty house and being one step closer to that bottle of wine.
Brandi says
No RSVPs KILL me! No matter the party, it is just. rude.
But what caught my attention was the drop-off thing. I recently did driving duty, taking my niece to a week-long soccer clinic (it was only an hour a day, not an all day thing). I was absolutely distracted me that at least half of the kids there were dropped off by their parents. These were 4 and 5 year olds, NOT teens. 4 and 5 year olds!!
Putting aside that the coach is NOT a babysitter, which is true, no way would I have felt comfortable leaving my 5 year old niece alone, even at a soccer camp with other parents and adults around. Same goes for a birthday party. It takes just one instant for things to go wrong.
All that aside, maybe that’s where some parents get it from? They do it everywhere else, so they think dropping off their child at a party is okay? I just don’t understand.
The Crafty Baking Mama says
Love this list and would definitely like to read your “how to” post too!
I’m still at the early stage of hosting kids birthday parties so lots of these points are good notes for the future on what to expect from attendees at my place and what not to do when taking my kids to parties.
I can not believe people would drop and run with a 3 year old?!?!?! I’m probably going to be the other extreme and be the annoying parent that WON’T leave when I drop off my kids when they are older!!
People who don’t RSVP drive me crazy. It always makes me think they didn’t receive it so then feel obliged to chase up to make sure they didn’t miss out, only to end up feeling foolish cos they did receive it but forgot!
Anonymous says
It’s a bit presumptuous to think that parents have childcare for other children just to bring one child to your party… It’s really not always possible, and expensive! I absolutely agree that this should be discussed in advance with the host, though.
On another note, I recently attended a 4yr old birthday party with my 4 yr old son. I had never met the parents. I left my husband and 2 yr at home as the invite was just addressed to my son. When we got there, all the other attendees were there with both parents and siblings, and I was made to feel rude for leaving my husband at home. You can’t win sometimes!
Jolie from Hey Bambini says
There is only ONE main thing that gets up my nose and that’s people who don’t bloody RSVP! You dont have to send a special card or flowers to RSVP – a simple txt or quick email – it’s not hard people! Fantastic post by the way. x
MaidInAustralia says
Should be circulated to parents everywhere. And now I want cake!
deux chiens et un garcon says
This whole thing scares the pavlova out of me. It is part of motherhood that I really dont feel a part of.
Ella Man says
Well, who does not like cakes and parties!? I really love those special moments shared with my friends and family.
Mrs Bok - The Bok Flock says
YAY MAXABELLA! Too true. Every year I’m besieged by ‘extras’ – the siblings of the invited. And people who don’t bother RSVP’ing but just turn up!! This year I said clearly ‘No RSVP means no insurance for your child’ (we had wild action man come over – did you see the pics on the blog? You’d love it!) and also told parents when they came to drop their child at the front gate and to collect them at the end. Didn’t stop one mum returning about 4 times during the course of the 2 hours to check on her 7 year old child!! Sigh. Parties are fun but parents could really help by doing what you’ve said…
Karen says
Thanks for all the tips. I’m not up to parties yet, my littlie only just turned one, but many things there I hadn’t considered, like dumping a 3 year old, or bringing unannounced siblings etc.
Brenda @ Mira Narnie says
wow – kids parties really can get out of hand can’t they. do you guys to “all the kids in the class” get an invite list, cos at the moment, we just select a few good friends. i don’t think i’m ready for more than that yet. but when i am, i like your do’s and don’ts. xx
Heather says
I have to say that I dread party time for my 2…does my head in! As you know ella is gluten free. I usually do not mention this prior as I don’t want to impose upon anyone – it is hassle catering for the many dietry restrictions there are now. I always do a party pack with a gf cake etc. This means she doesn’t miss out and everyone’s happy. x
Lisa says
Just to add to the ‘randoms’… don’t turn up with your family of five (mum & dad included) and expect to be entertained for the duration of the party. You may not have noticed but, I’m a tad BUSY!
And yes, yes, yes to the RSVPs… how hard can it be when we have so many options? Phone, email, text, voicemail, and heavenforbidahandwrittennote!
sarah says
Dont leave the party mum to manage divorced parent handover!!! We have our own little blended family so Im not passing judgement…but one year I had a dad drop off his daughter with luggage and with instructions for me to tell his ex-wife (his new girlfriend took great offence at my confusing her with his ex)…the poor kid not only had the party to cope with but they separation from dad and then the reuniting with mum
Please do a party post in the next 48 hours I will pay you! Also I love when the cake comes out it signals to the world that the bloody party is almost over!!!
emma @ frog, goose and bear says
I’d love that party how to post! I have attempted to write one a few times, but i just end up realising how unorganised I am with the whole prep thing. It seems to work out on the day!
When the kids are under 5, I always invite the whole family as usually we only invite friends who I know the family of anyway, then when they start school, it’s just the friend of the child and they are usually left. I’ve never had any siblings come along as well and I love it when a parent stays as it means extra help! Thank God I’ve never had a random as I’m just like you with number 2!
lau@corridorkitchen says
I’m a bit confused here. So only people on the invite can show up (commonsense) but you want parents of 5-year-olds to magically know it’s not ok to ‘do a drop off’? Maybe it would be a good idea to put parents’ names in the invite then.
Yes, you should RSVP, for sure, but I’m not sure what you can do if people show up … Maybe you can go ‘Wow, I didn’t know you were coming!What a nice surprise! Do you have a minute to help me hand stitch a tutu/peel and chop 3 kilos of carrot sticks/decorate the birthday cake?’