I feel like I’ve come out the other side of whatever it is I was tunnelling through. This week has seen a huge improvement in both my behaviour and my mind. Lion mum has been through her paces and the kids are alright.
Mind you, there was one casualty, just this morning and I feel really bad about it. I think it was this incident that has finally made me completely snap out of my ridiculous funk and wake up to myself.
Badoo was handing out her party invitations this morning (they’re way-cool, I’ll share them later) and a little girl in her class asked where her invitation was. See, this little girl has been really nasty to Badoo for weeks on end (and we all know the might of a nasty seven-year-old girl), so there was no invitation forthcoming, which was Badoo’s choice and I respect that.
“Where’s my invitation, Lottie?”
It was all very awkward. No one said anything for a while and then the kid asked again, rather aggressively, “where’s my invitation, Lottie?” So I said to that little girl, in as nice a tone as I could possibly muster, which in hindsight probably wasn’t as nice as it could have been, “well, Beryl (not her real name, fortunately), you haven’t been a very kind friend to Lottie lately, so she chose not to invite you this time.” And – since we’re confessing and all – then to make matters worse, I turned to another little girl and said, “same goes for you, Gladys.”
What the hell is wrong with me? Not only did I break my cardinal rule to never get involved in playground politicktocking, but I was way too blunt to a couple of seven year olds and I also completely dropped my daughter in it with the mean girls. You can just bet I’ll be making another party invitation tonight!
Other things that had me this week:
Reading – Adored We Are All Completely Beside Ourselves by Karen Joy Fowler and I cannot get enough of Michelle Crawford’s A Table in the Orchard – this is one to dip into regularly.
Writing – about yelling and guilt and how confusing modern parenting is. This one really resonated with you.
Making – the most divine Mars Bar slice and I don’t even like Mars Bars…
Wishing – that I never said a word to Beryl and Gladys.
Loving – this piece about loving yourself more by A Quirky Bird.
Wondering – how to make things right, if we can ever make things right.
Our lovely guest hostie this week is a relatively new blogger, Robyna from The Mummy & the Minx. I can’t quite remember when I first found Robyna’s blog, but I do know that I haven’t stopped coming back. She has a great way with words that shoot right to the heart of a problem. You’ve gotta love that. Her blog has a different focus each month and this month it’s the impact that social media has on our lives. Lots to ponder there. Head on over and say hi!
Happy reading.
x
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THANK YOU for joining the Weekend Rewind list, hosted by Maxabella loves, Life, Love and Hiccups and The Mummy & the Minx. To join in simply link up your favourite post and visit a few other bloggers for a read and a chat. A link back here on your post is appreciated.
Christine @ Adventure, Baby! says
Breathe deeply, have some Mars Bar slice, and don’t let it ruin your weekend. Chances are you’ll remember it and feel like crap over it for a long time after these girls have forgotten it even happened. TGIF!
Maxabella says
Lottie had such a great attitude about it that in the end i was pleased that I’d done it. I showed her how to stand up for herself and expect kindness from others. No need to worry now!
Trudie says
I don’t think you need to feel bad about getting involved in playground politics sometimes you have to. I’ve had to give a few polite directions, redirections and what for’s to some of Cohen’s school friends. We dealing with a lot of stuff and my boy needs extra support and I will damn well give it to him. But in my defence it’s always nicely as I can and I inform the teacher exactly what I’ve said.
Maxabella says
I think I should have mentioned it to the teacher… I might this week if it ‘comes back to haunt me’!! Good on you for standing up for Cohen, Trudie. That’s what us mums are here for. x
Robyna | The Mummy & The Minx says
Thank you SO much for having me. Personally, I think kids need to learn that if they aren’t a good friend then they won’t get invites. Even at seven. Is that harsh?
Cat from That Bettie Thing says
Nope Robyna, I’m with you!!
Maxabella says
I’m with you too! Because another mum said “I just text invites so no-one knows they are missing out”, but I absolutely refuse to create some weird subterfuge around a kids’ party. Everyone gets to go to a party at some stage or another, just not every party and that’s okay! x
Amy@HandbagMafia says
I did the same when my eldest was in year one. This kid was freaking awful to her, had come to her party the previous year and been appallingly rude and mean and then had her own party a few months later and invited the whole class and half another- but not my little girl.when she had a hissy about not being invited I simply said we were very sorry but she had not been very friendly. She threw a wobbler but my Charlotte stuck to her guns and I respected that. It’s a tough call though!
Maxabella says
I think we can always tell the kids who are going to grow up to find the corporate world perfectly acceptable, Amy! Good on your Charlotte for sticking to her guns and you’ll be happy to know that my own Charlotte did exactly that too! x
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen says
I had to deal with Beryl and Gladys a couple of years ago at Bell’s old school, and was anything but gracious. Sorry mean girls, but life’s too short to let you get your kicks at the expense of my kid.
I found out that they were just an extension of their horrible mums.
Good on you and your baby for taking a stand, Bron. Who wants meanies at their party anyway?
I wouldn’t mind a rather large piece of Mars Bar slice right now, with my coffee.
Have a glorious weekend xx
Maxabella says
So true, Lisa – I didn’t think of it like that. NO WAY am I standing by while they practise being horrible on my darling kid! I’m glad I told them they weren’t coming to our party. Should have stuck my tongue out at them while I said it… 😉
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen says
Haha, that’s the spirit 😉
Helen K says
I’ve been tempted to say things like that – I’m struggling with the seven year old girls too. But don’t be too hard on yourself (depending on what your relationship with the parents are, you might want to call though. I’ve found in most cases, at least with my kids’ friends, we parents have very similar views on what is acceptable behaviour and you might well find they back you up). Plus – I’m all about the benefits of acknowledging when we might have got things wrong at the moment – honesty can be good x
Maxabella says
I have always found that i don’t actually know the mean kids’ parents… In my experience the apple never falls far from the tree and I have no interest in growing anywhere near that tree!! x
Denyse says
oh dear. I hate the politics of childhood and the school playground….never mind Bron…you are such a good soul. Love to you. Thank you for being H O N E S T… D x
Maxabella says
Thanks Den, it means a lot as I know you have LOTS of experience in dealing with the playground politicktock! x
Alyson says
Oh Maxabella…my babies are all big now, and I still have those moments where I want to stop myself saying things even as I say them…even as I know better. I’d like to say you get better at it…but we are all human…console yourself that it can’t be unsaid, and sometimes kids need to know that they don’t just get a free pass to everything. Thinking of you – this sh** is hard! X
Maxabella says
So many, many things cannot be unsaid… life’s hard, huh? So far no repercussions, but I’m ready if they come. I don’t really regret saying it now that it’s done. Lottie seems well pleased. x
Raychael aka Mystery Case says
Oh goodness, I’ve almost been there and done that with the school meanies. I had to just take myself out of the equation and hope it ended well. The one and only time I did get involved when things were beyond ridiculous and I thought teachers should be involved, it didn’t end well.
Maxabella says
It never ends well… To be honest, if i had my way i wouldn’t even be in the playground in the first place! Working to extricate myself from the morning drop off… x
Zanni says
Oh no! Playground politics…what a scary thing to get mixed up it 🙂 Hope it works out in the end! x
Maxabella says
It did, Zanni. All is well… I mean, the mean girls are still mean, but Lottie seems to be floating above it and pleased that she said no to them. Yay!
stephanie@stephsjoy says
gosh little girls can be so mean! They have to learn that not being nice has consequences.
Maxabella says
I agree, Steph. Why do you think little girls are so mean to each other? I don’t get it! x
Mrs W says
It’s ok Bron, I think I would have done the same thing. In the moment all we feel is love and protection for our own children, especially if we know that they are in the right. It’s easy to look back on these things after the fact and wish we had made different decisions, but if we beat ourselves up about these moments every time they happen, we’d end up driving ourselves mad with guilt (which I know I do anyway – maybe I need to take my own advice?!).
I think what you did sounds reasonable actually – you were an example to Lottie of being assertive and confident. If Lottie had answered that girl with the exact words you used, how would you feel about it? If it were me and my own daughter, I think I’d be saying “Yes! Go girl!” Who knows, maybe this experience will have a positive effect on those girls’ behaviours?
Don’t give in Bron! Don’t invite them to the party! (I’m such a meanie)
Maxabella says
That’s a really good way of looking at it, Mrs W. If Lottie had said that exact same thing in the exact same tone I used, I would have been proud of her for sticking up for herself and not putting up with meanness. Nice one, you’ve made me feel a lot better about the whole thing! x
Emily @ Have A Laugh On Me says
Shit it’s so hard not to wade in isn’t it? I’m quite a permanent fixture at my school so know most of the players in my kids’ classrooms and it’s hard to bite my tongue sometimes! x
Maxabella says
This is how I feel… it’s hard to know when to back off and let our kids fight their own battles… x
Erin says
Oh well you’ve just said the truth. Maybe sometimes we’re all being so nice we forget that some frank talking has it’s place. Birthday party invites are often fraught with difficulties. sigh.
Bit naughty this week and shared two links, finally have my podcast up and running and I thought you’d like the heads up.
And then I wrote a Mother’s Day piece which as it had sat in drafts for 3 years it was an interesting exercise to polish and publish cause I could also share a 3 year down the track perspective.
Erin says
Well I feel like I’m suffering from memory loss, I actually shared the podcast last week. Must need sleep:)
Maxabella says
I’ll go and check the podcast out as soon as I get a spare sec! It will be nice to hear your voice!! x
Jenni from Styling Curvy says
Beryl and Gladys…GAWD we’ve all been there. Don’t be too hard on yourself x
Maxabella says
We’re all there pretty much most days… the Beryls and Gladyses of the world are insidious! x
Jodi Gibson (JF Gibson Writer) says
Oh Bron, don’t be so hard on yourself. You were just looking after what’s most important. Instinct. I hope it all works out okay. x
Maxabella says
My instincts often lead me astray, Jode. My instincts are much more in-your-face than most people’s I fear… x
Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad says
Lol. I loved your liners about Glenys and Beryl! Classic, although I’m sure I would get a case of the guilts if I’d let it slip too. When it comes to our kids, its easy to get on the defense. Kids, particularly girls (so I hear) can be particularly nasty in the playground and bring about all the politics, so I don’t think it can hurt if they get back a taste of their own medicine sometimes. Eat some Mars Bar slice and try and not worry about it too much xx
Maxabella says
I am so curious to find out just what it is that makes little girls so quick to be nasty. None of them seem immune… are women like that too? Food for thought! x
Shannon@ my2morrows says
glad you’re out of the funk Bron! I think you did exactly the right thing, perfect role modelling for lottie and you’ve probably made beryl and Gladys think about their behaviour too.
I loved your yelling post, so glad to know I’m not the only yeller too! Xx
Maxabella says
We are DEFINITELY not alone in the yelling, Shannon. I’ve received 10x more emails for that post than any other I’ve ever written! x
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
Good on you for standing up to Bezza and Glads. Maybe it will teach them to be keen and not mean. As for that Mars Bar creation, I’m still salivating about it. Hope your weekend is as sweet as that slice!
Maxabella says
LOL ‘Bezza’! I always try to find the oldest of old-school names I possibly can. Mildred, Pearl, Bertha, Prudence, Daphne… I wonder if these kinds of names will ever make it back? x
Kate @ From Katie to Kate says
Oh Bron, I know that feeling. But, just a little, at the time it felt good, right? I asked seven year old Mavis (loving the retro names!) why she told everyone not to play with my Betty and Mavis then told Betty that I was being mean to her. I dreaded Mavis telling her rough looking mother, Beatrice. Why? Why? Why didn’t I shut up! But it did feel good at the time.
Maxabella says
Eek! Same situation as me! And we’ve been saying in this thread that it’s a scary ordeal because the apple never does fall too far from the tree. But one thing I know for sure now is this: I don’t ever want my kids to think that it’s not okay to stand up for yourself. SO I’m okay with it. I’m glad I was a good role model to Lottie. x
Life With The Crew says
Well, I realize you’re not too proud of the moment, but you were supporting your daughter – that is what is important. Perhaps those nasty girls will learn to be a bit nicer. (Though you now might have to avoid their mothers.) It did give me a good laugh though!
Maxabella says
it gave me a bit of a laugh too, Katie. I often crack up at the ridiculous situations I find myself in. Ah well, onwards! x
Deb @ inner compass designs says
Biggest hugs on the school girl stuff. I would feel badly as well but beryl really could have saved herself by not being so pushy with asking after an invite. Love to you hon xx
Maxabella says
Oh I think the Beryls of this world ALWAYS ask for what they think they deserve… 🙁 Thanks for the hug!!
Sarah @ Tomfo says
Oh no, I would have done exactly the same, and then ended up, making those extra invites up too.
X
Maxabella says
I didn’t make the invites. Lottie said ‘no way’ so that’s that! x
Sara | Kid Magazine says
It’s not quite the same but we were at a playground recently and some older boys were being quite nasty to my 17-month-old. She is so friendly and loves other kids and I resisted the urge to step in and tell them off. When one of them pushed her over I did say something (very politely). I think we step in because we don’t want to see our babies hurt. For me, I didn’t want to see my little girls warm and loving spirit damaged because of some rough, naughty kids. We do need to let them sort themselves out but don’t be too hard on yourself for just being a loving mama bear.
Maxabella says
I don’t think I would have been very polite if a bunch of older kids was pushing over a 17 month old baby! Grrrrrrrrr… x
Kathy says
Oh dear. I can’t recall mean girls starting so young but sounds like you’ve got a pickle and some extra inviting to do. Thanks for your honesty and the parenting pep talk most of us need with your posts on roaring, yelling. X
Maxabella says
I can’t believe how early it starts either, but this is our third year of it. Kindergarten!! x
tash says
Gaah, school yard politics. Don’t think you need to invite them.. I wouldn’t… Making that Mars Bar Slice today!!! xx
Maxabella says
DId you love it? It’s so decadent but yummy, isn’t it!! x
Zoe Meunier says
Good to hear lion mum has retreated for now Bron, all that roaring can hurt a lady’s throat! I personally applaud you saying that to the mini-meanies… they need to know that their bad behaviour is not going unnoticed – and is not without consequence.
Maxabella says
I’m all good with it now, Zoe. The support of the motherhood helps a lot. x
Min@WriteoftheMiddle says
I’ve quite a bi of catching up to do as I’ve been away but I’m getting there! Lion mum is a good term LOL Oh Bron – we’ve all been lion mum! Hope you’re not beating yourself up too much. Parenting is a bloody tough gig and we get no thanks. As for those 7 year old girls – I think you handled it well. If they are not nice friends, they don’t get invited to parties – a very good lesson to learn and yes even at 7. So glad you feel you’ve come out the other side of your funk! Take care! xo
Maxabella says
Hi Min! So good to see you back again. x
Kim @landofzonkt says
I don’t think its bad. I think sometimes kids are overly protected by honesty, when really they can be so brutily honest without even realising it.
Give yourself some slack.
I wouldn’t be doing the invites either. Stick to your guns, don’t reward bad behaviour and they need to know it’s bad.
I wonder if they are like this because they have never been taught boundaries or that what they are doing is wrong.
Happy weekend lovely.xx
Maxabella says
Sadly I think there are lots of kids like Beryl and Gladys roaming the playground. In my experience, loads of kids are pretty selfish and nasty these days. Sad, but true. x
Julie @ Off to the park says
Hahaha, sorry I probably shouldn’t laugh, but I think it’s funny that you put the nasty 7 year olds in their place. Popette (6) is in Year 1 and in a class with a few 7 year olds. I can’t believe how early the cattiness starts these days. Here I thought there was still lots of ‘lets all be friends and play together’ like in Kindy how wrong was I. I hope Badoo has a great party, and doesn’t get too much grief from Beryl or Gladys. x
Maxabella says
I like what Lauren has today about us frowns standing up to bullies, otherwise how can our kids it on board? I felt much better after reading that!! x
Anita Ozolins says
Thanks so much for the link up! Love your site and happy to share my writing and photography with you in such an easy way to share and upload.
Thanks again and looking forward to sharing more in the future!
Anita x
Maxabella says
Welcome Anna. Very happy to meet you. x
Lauren @ The Thud says
I’ve made two children cry recently (on separate occasions). They were both guilty of being very mean and physical with my little boy at play centres. One of them made him cry. So I stormed up and told them to stop being mean and to not push around kids that are smaller than them.
Felt a bit shit about it both times. But I think I’d still do it if it happened again. I know it’s a bit of a shock to kids when an adult scolds them, but why should we let them get away with being tiny arseholes? Plus I think it teaches our kids to stand up for themselves which is a good thing. If we show our kids that even we, as adults, will give in to the bullies, then how can we expect them to have the strength to do it? Don’t give in Bron. Don’t make them invites. They shouldn’t come and ruin your baby girl’s party. She shouldn’t be punished just because these little girls have had hissy fits.
Maxabella says
No invites made. Lottie wouldn’t have a bar of it. Go Lottie! x
Mother Down Under says
I already worry about mean girls…why can girls be so mean?
I actually read a great article about mother celebrating other women and their daughters learning to follow suit…I will have to see if I can find it again.
Anyway, I think I am now inhabiting that tunnel.
I am just over it. Whatever “it” is. I am hoping to wake up tomorrow and find that “it” has passed.
Mother Down Under says
Here is the article.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kari-kubiszyn-kampakis/raising-a-kind-daughter_b_4661700.html
Maxabella says
Mostly “it” has gone for me, but a fair bit of it is going to take a considerable amount of change – both my attitude and the kids’. We are all on the way and that’s what matters.feeling hopeful is so important to me!!
Thanks for the link, mate. Mean girls totally stump me!! x
Ally says
Did you do those extra invites? Part of me hopes no!!!
So glad you loved the book!!
I’ve just got Zmichelles too…hoping for some reading time this week
Maxabella says
I didn’t! Lottie didn’t want me to. So proud!! x
Cat from That Bettie Thing says
Bron look at it this way: you taught your daughter how to be assertive without being aggressive. You used your words (as opposed to bitch slapping them), and you were honest. Good role modeling!
Maxabella says
You’re so right. I wanted to bitch-slap them. x
Tash @ Gift Grapevine says
I’ve heard about 7 year old girls – not looking forward to the mean girls stage! I would find it hard to bite my tongue too Bron. Perhaps your words might make Beryl and Gladys have a think about the way they have been treating people. Hope it all works out. Good on Lottie for standing her ground! xx
Maxabella says
Prolly not, but at least Lottie knows that mum is 100% on her side. I guess that’s what’s important in the end!! x
Sonia Life Love Hiccups says
Is it really THAT wrong that I am fist pumping the air at the fact that you put those snotty little biatches in their place… um yes probably. whatever. I say good on you xx