In my later years (I sound like I’m 100, but bear with me), I’ve realised that it is impossible to be happy in this life if you are not first grateful for this life. I believe that you simply cannot be content and satisfied (two other things I believe are fundamental to happiness) if you do not first learn to appreciate all that you have right now.
So much of life today is about ‘reaching potential’, ‘making your dreams happen’, ‘reaching for the stars’ … apparently we can ‘have anything we want as long as we want it ‘enough’’.
Yet what if our potential, our dreams and everything we’ve ever wanted are right here and right now, sitting beside us, gently nudging us with a smile, but we are too busy thinking about the ‘what ifs’ to ever truly consider the beauty in the ‘right nows’.
This is a lesson that I want my children to learn as early as possible. Teaching my children gratitude may well be one of the most important things I will ever show them.
To always live their beautiful lives with their eyes and hearts wide open to the potential that is held in each and every moment. To be grateful right now for what they have, where they are, who they’re with, what they’re doing and why they are doing it. It is like taking mindfulness to another level. It’s gratefulness.
Of course, being grateful myself it the number one way I aim to teach my children this attitude of gratitude. Like anything we teach our kids, being a role model is the best way to show them the way. Here are four more suggestions to help foster gratitude in your children. I am working on it with my own kids and I think that slowly, slowly they are coming around to living a grateful life.
Stop and delve into the positive
So often we barrel merrily along in life until we get pulled up by something ‘going wrong’. That ‘something wrong’ throws us off course and forces us to reassess what we’re doing wrong and how we can fix it. We spend a lot of time delving and probing and sorting it out. This is a natural way to live, but how often do we actually pause when things are going well and assess what we’re doing right and how we can keep doing it? Really get under the skin of why we’re feeling so good and what needed to come together to make us feel that way?
Pausing to reflect on the positives is the fastest way I know to start practicing gratitude.
Our kids tell us they had a rough day and we spend a lot of time helping them get to the bottom of the day – sorting through it, assessing what could have been different and making plans to fix the things that need fixing.
When they tell us they had a great day we tend to say “oh, that’s wonderful” and move on.
So, next time they tell us they had a great day, ask them why. Ask them what they liked best about it, how it made them feel, what they could do to have another day just like it tomorrow. The more we focus on the positive days, the more we are given leave to let the negative ones go by. “Oh, that’s a shame,” we’ll say next time they have a bad day. “I’m sure tomorrow will be better.”
Keep note of what you’re grateful for
Each night right before lights off time, in a little notebook or out loud if they can’t write yet, record just one thing. One thing that you are grateful for today. The only rule is that it can’t be the same thing you were grateful for yesterday, it has to be something fresh.
This is what the Badoo’s ‘one thing’ looks like for last week:
Eating cake for afternoon tea
My teacher told a funny joke
Livvy gave me her best leaf
Mum made my bed
I found a praying mantis
Dad didn’t make me eat my breakfast
We went to flying fox park
Ooh, such a record of happiness a grateful list is. A marvel to read whenever you’re feeling low. A wonderful thing in times of trouble. A wonderful thing during any kind of time.
Show them the world
There will always be someone better off than we are and worse off than we are. That’s why our kids need the broadest possible education that we can give them. The more we know about the world, the more we know that there is no point ever trying to be anyone but ourselves. There is too much out there to ever compare ourselves to.
Use books, the internet, visit friends from other cultures (make friends from other cultures!), take them to a new part of the city (take them to the city / country / mountains / beach / outback). Have multicultural night at home where you live like an Indian family one night, a Siberian family another. Watch foreign children’s movies with English subtitles. Talk and talk and talk about the world and your own experiences in it.
Show them all the richness, the magic, the kaleidoscopic life in the world and you will conversely teach them that they are enough. They are themselves and no other.
Tell them no more often
“Our kids don’t know how good they’ve got it,” is a catchphrase that has probably been in circulation since before the wheel was invented. Each generation is baffled by how much better their own kids have things in life and how little they seem to appreciate the fact.
Perhaps that’s because we’ve never really shown them what it’s like to not have everything their hearts ever desired. To have a plain meal most night of the week. To not get the latest toy. To turn the television off because electricity costs too much. To wear the same clothes a few days before they’re washed. Oh, I could go on and on. It’s not enough for us to tell them how good they’ve got it… we have to show them.
I have found that this year, when we are saving for a big family trip, we have not had half as much as other years and I am seeing my children grow from this. They are more mindful of what things cost (just as I am!) and are making careful, considered choices. Hallelujah! Lately I am working on getting them to take better care of the things they already have by keeping their bedrooms tidy. Now that is an exercise in heartfulness and gratitude all on it own…
Do you practise gratitude at your place? Are your kids grateful for the life they have?
Lisa Turner says
Yes! Every night during dinner, we each take turns to name one thing we’re grateful for. We then go on to name the best part of our day and the craziest part of the day (which might be something funny or weird or not so good – we do this one to keep conversation flowing). I love that we do this and I’m sure it’s helping but I’d be lying if I said the results are obvious! We will keep at it though, it’s habit for us all now and I think it’s a great exercise for kids to participate in.
Thanks for the article and sharing your ideas.
Malinda @mybrownpaperpackages says
This is great – the next step to mindfulness. My girls don’t ask for a lot but we are still working on accepting no.
Raychael aka Mystery Case says
I think we all need to embrace the word no. I’m not sure when or who decided it wasn’t a good word. My girls have always known that no means no. Simple as that. If only us grown ups could appreciate it in the same sense.
EssentiallyJess says
I totally get this Bron, because these are things I’m working on as well with my own kids. I laughed at the last one– getting them to clean their rooms because we do that as well!
I did really like the idea of talking about what makes a day great. I think I’m going to try that. Such a simple idea.
Lisa@RandomActsOfZen says
Yes, I think Bell’s mostly grateful for what she has in her life, both physical and emotional. We’ve always had conversations about how John and I both grew up with much less, but still had many adventures. Of course like any kid, she thinks she badly done by, every so often.
And yes, she does wear the same clothes more than once, but that has more to do with me stretching out the washing, when I’m feeling like a bit of a slack bum 😉
That is one glorious list, Bron, best leaves are a treasure xx
Vicki @ Knocked Up and Abroad says
I have been contemplating this very thing myself. How do you teach them? But you’ve made some good points here. I think saying “no” more often and teaching them the value of things really is the right path. It’s great that your kids are learning how to save and value things through your trip saving. By the time they get to experience that trip, they will hopefully have an understanding of what it’s taken and really appreciate it x
Bec @ Seeing the Lighter Side says
Yes! So much yes. We can never be happy if we don’t learn to appreciate what we have and be grateful. It’s natural to always be looking up but we need to remember how lucky we are as well. #TeamIBOT
Becky from BeckyandJames says
Great post. I have given the kids little books to write and draw what makes them happy and I just have to make sure they’re doing it!
Laney@thelaneyfiles says
Thanks for this Bron. I love the idea about educating kids about people from all around the world and the different ways of living. I also love the idea of talking more about things that are positive in their days, rather than brushing over their comments casually.
Liz says
What a lovely post, thank you! I love the ideas you have shared to nurture gratitude and I will try to start using them. Especially the ones about thinking of the things you are grateful for today… We often “go without” or buy secondhand so I hope that is sending the right message to our little one. as you say, it helps you to enjoy the simpler things in life, which are pretty special.
Clare @ Checks and Spots says
Yes! Yes! Yes! I wholeheartedly believe this is one of the greatest things we can show our rug rats. Every night at dinner we play the 3-Gs. I’ve written about it on my blog (http://checksandspots.com/lifestyle/three-questions-family-answers-every-night-dinner/) but basically everyone shares:
* One thing that was GREAT about their day
* One thing they are GRATEFUL for
* One GOAL for tomorrow
I’ve found that this has been such a good way to talk about being grateful – and positive. xx