Long time readers (hello!) will know that I’ve struggled with my weight for most of my adult life, but especially after having my babies. The ‘baby weight’ is so hard to shift, isn’t it? The fact that my baby weight is almost a teenager is completely irrelevant.
Yeah, okay. It’s obvious that much questioning over the years led me to realise that it’s not my weight I struggle with at all. It’s my self-permissive attitude.
Once I realised that I was giving myself permission to perpetuate bad habits that led to unfulfilling outcomes, I set about breaking those habits. (You can read my 8-part guide to busting habits here.) One by one I removed the permission I gave myself to skip breakfast, eat processed foods, ignore fruit, drink diet coke (that was the hardest) and snack at night. Bam, bam, bam.
It’s been a year (and a bit) since I started and the result so far? I’m thinner than I was, but I don’t know by how much because I don’t weigh myself. I haven’t needed to buy new pants or anything exciting like that, but then again, I’m the queen of stretch-jersey so it might be a while. And that’s okay. The one thing I know is that I feel so much better. Even though I might not ‘stick with’ my better habits every single day (relapses are sadly common), the main thing is that I have a new normal: I no longer give myself permission to be fat.
What’s different about the ‘new normal’ is that when I slip into old bad habits, they don’t fit me half as well as they used to. In fact, unlike my slightly-roomy stretch-pants, my old ways feel tight and uncomfortable. So, I might go for a few days (or a couple of weeks) snacking at night again, but there’s such a strong pull to delete the behaviour that eventually I snap back to ‘normal’ and just have a herbal tea instead.
I think that’s a huge win. I’m such an ‘all or nothing’ person that previous incarnations of the ‘new me’ (and oh, over twenty years there have been so many, many ‘new Brons’), I would allow a single slip up to slide me back into my poor habits, seemingly forever. The old habits were my set point, not my new habits. The new habits felt like I was wearing somebody else’s clothes. These days, my new and improved habits are me.
Sadly this isn’t the nirvana of weight loss. Habit busting and reaping the rewards is very slooooow – after a whole year most people haven’t even noticed I’m smaller (for me) – but I haven’t actually been on a ‘diet’, rather one by one I’ve added something in or taken something away from my routine. I’ll just keep doing that and drip-drip-drip-drip-drip eventually it will be done, you know?
I know the slowness wouldn’t suit everybody, but having lost weight quickly in the past only to pile it back on again, I don’t mind slow. I don’t mind it at all.
Are you trying to change something about yourself?
Dani @sand has no home says
Good on you, Bron. It’s certainly more important how you feel than what others notice. I have put on 20 kg since I had my son 4 years ago (there was another baby 2 years ago), and because I was a size 4 the years ago, I have actually put on almost 40kg in 10 years! I’m still a size 12 in jeans but it doesn’t feel good to me. I keep on comfort eating when times are hard, but the reality is, with a special needs child, that there will always be challenges that send me to the ice cream tub for consolation, so i need to redefine the parameters too! I used to be a smoker and I have decided to look at comfort foods in the way that I had to in order to give up smoking, that though I might want it, doesn’t mean that i must have it. I have to convince myself that I don’t need it. Anyway, there’s my ramble on! Good luck with keeping it up, it is such a good strategy to take on weight loss x
Rachel says
Love this Bron. I’m all for the slow and steady approach too, much more gentle and forgiving :). I’m trying to change my all or nothing relationship with wine – I would dearly love to be able to have the occasional glass, but find if I have one, I’ll drink the whole bottle. So it’s easier to have none.
Deb @ inner compass designs says
That’s great Bron. I give myself too much permission and also suffer from the all or nothing thinking!! So good that you reset more easily now. Xxx
Jodie Ansted says
Some are better than others with self-motivation. I’m TERRIBLE, but have had great periods of being motivated. I don’t actually know too many people who don’t slip up now and then, and I think making small changes is better than not making any changes at all.
I once read somewhere once that someone had cut out just wine and soft drinks for a month and lost weight (both high in calories). Not sure I’m ready to give up wine (although, I tend to only indulge on weekends), but I definitely have tried to cut back soft drinks (didn’t really drink much anyway) and juice – I’m an ‘every morning’ juice drinker, but now I just have it a few mornings a week (and a very small glass). And portion control works too. I was doing the 5:2 (love it!) but haven’t really done that consistently since Mum died, but it did teach me that I don’t need as much food as I assumed I did and to make better choices with the fun stuff like biccies etc.
Every little bit counts. Go you! xox
Ness says
I am not trying enough to change. I had early stage breast cancer and I’m still stuck eating my feelings even though I know I have to change to be healthy and reduce the risk of recurrence. I’ve got a referral to see a dietitian next month, so hopefully I’ll embrace the slow changes. Well done to you. It’s not easy.
Emily says
Great work, Bron! I felt great when I quit chocolate. I don’t now. So I’m doing it again. I also didn’t have my usual daily can of Coke yesterday, so have just decided that that’s over, too. I’m not trying to lose weight (although I am currently bigger than usual – I can feel it), I just don’t feel great about myself and need to actually do something about it instead of moaning about not feeling great about myself.
Love your approach x
cathie says
Good on you! I’m an all or nothing kinda person too. I lose motivation quickly so when it strikes I need to go for it. It hasn’t struck for a while unfortunately
Renee Wilson says
Good on you, Bron!! Shifting weight is so hard. The medication I’ve been on for the last year has made me gain weight and I’ve been eating like a horse because I let myself get into bad habits. I don’t feel happy with the way I look at the moment, so I’m attempting to make some changes in my life to get back to a weight I feel more comfortable with. The slow and steady way might be the way for me too.
Kylie Purtell says
I love this post, Bron, I totally get it. As you know I’ve had the same struggle and I’ve been trying to do the same thing as you. Rather than trying to make these drastic changes that might lead to quick change but eventually lead to slipping back in to those old habits, I’ve been trying to just change one thing at a time. It seems so much more doable like that, and stops me from obsessing over things, which is the biggest problem. The more I obsess the harder it becomes, so rather than focus on my weight I’m simply trying to focus on changing small things over time, and focusing on changing the way I talk to myself. It’s hard, but I can see that it’s working. I’ve been paying a lot of attention to the negative thoughts and flipping them around, so instead of calling myself fat or useless I’m reminding myself that I’m loved the way I am and that no-one else but me cares about how I look and it’s so liberating, makes me feel better about myself, and helps me to understand that taking care of myself is just as important as taking care of others and I am totally deserving of that same care.
Collette Beck says
Sounds like a great strategy. I also think it’s important to roll with the lapses without torturing ourselves. I really love the idea of mindful eating as it encompasses all that you talk about and it allows the chocolate, if you really want it – without the guilt. It’s a slow burn as far as weight loss goes, which to me sounds much healthier than rapid loss though fad diets (which we know don’t work in the long run anyway).
Did you watch the documentary “Embrace’? It’s really worth seeing, if you haven’t. At it’s heart is a call for all us gals to just be kind to ourselves. If you feel happy in your skin and with your approach then that is perfect. It’s the torturous and punishing regimes that make us all feel shitty about ourselves, so I think you’ve got this one down pat.
Deborah says
I’m not a fan of dieting and spent much of my life on a diet of some sort (was anorexic and bulimic when young) and then became a binge-eater. Things have changed recently because they had to but it’s been a life-long struggle.
Sammie @ The Annoyed Thyroid says
I’ve been piling on the pounds so when I get back from holidays I’m definitely going to cultivate some healthy habits. I love that you’re making positive change and in such a healthy way with such a healthy attitude. I always think change has to be achievable and sustainable, and all those little things you’re doing are making a big difference! I gave up my can of Diet Coke a day a few years ago and haven’t looked back – here’s hoping I can channel my willpower in the same way about cake!
Angie says
Slow is unequivocally and absolutely the key, Bron. You are amazing and I relate so much to your journey because I’m on the same one.
I come from a slightly different angle in that my metabolism has largely tolerated my bad habits but at what other costs? I can tell you that my raging Coke habit (and not even the expensive, vaguely glamorous kind) made me a mental woman. The constant sugar spike highs followed by the crushing lows coloured my day – and sadly, my parenting. I was not a happy woman. I used the excuse that I never put on more than a couple of kilos as an excuse to fuel my body with rubbish and ignore exercise. I had to stop giving myself permission to be unhealthy.
So I stand with you in solidarity, Bron. Admittedly, I would like to lose 5 kilos in a week and for people to order me to eat a burger but I understand that sustainable lifestyle choices are the only way I will get off this rollercoaster of self-loathing. This time I am making changes in order to love my body, not punishing it out of disgust.
xxx
Denyse says
Good on you for the small steps that are lasting. I know I gave myself permission too many times for use food to soothe because I had no other ways to calm myself. Not a drinker, not a drug user…so food. Now I am the lightest I have been for a few decades….because of anxiety and IBS. Not the way I would recommend. However, it has given me insight into how much food I actually enjoy and I am now tending to eat waaaay smaller portions and less for comfort, more for health. Denyse #teamIBOT
Jody at Six Little Hearts says
Good on you! Change is slow because it all begins in our heads. God knows, ageing makes using your head harder too!
(Those chips look divine.)
I have just polished off half a family block of chocolate and broken my ‘eat more healthy foods’ battle that I am currently on. I’ve no desire to eat since my cancer treatment started and I am struggling to stay functional.
Good luck with your non-diet ‘diet.’ It sounds pretty good to me.
Hugzilla says
I am going to second the commenter who recommended the “Embrace” documentary. I haven’t seen it yet but can’t wait to see what it’s all about because the trailer looks awesome. I think that women are conditioned to have a very combative and/or self-loathing relationship with our bodies, and it starts bloody young. You know there is something wrong when even the most “beautiful” women in the world still think they have flaws. This is a social as well as a personal issue xx
Kathy says
Your new normal sounds like a fabulous achievement. I give myself too much permission and am worst with the trade-offs as in ‘I deserve this because I did that’. I’ve just made a BIG change in my life with giving up my steady 4-day a week job and taking up a 2-day a week casual contract, leaving the rest of the time over for yoga and developing wellness programs, freelancing, family and hopefully healthier habits! I’m hoping the big change will be the impetus for better health habits as I’ve gone off the wagon of late.
Mandy @ Barbie Bieber and Beyond says
I often think too much emphasis is put on us to lose weight. I have been steadily losing weight over the last 12 months, mainly due to stress and I’ve just been so busy! I haven’t set out to lose the weight but I’m not disappointed that it has been coming off either.
I think as long as we are comfortable in our skin that’s all that matters.
Karen at MomAgain@40 says
That’s great! A refreshing new way of looking at healthy habits!
I am a vegetarian from beginning of this year, and although I haven’t eaten any meat, I haven’t shifted any weight! But I feel much more healthy for going this route!
Karin @ Calm to Conniption says
I believe slow and steady is how real changes are made for me. If I go super hard at something it is all over before I hit day 5. Though, those chips up there, I want to eat them all!!!
Natalie @ Our Parallel Connection says
The day I gave up dieting, starving myself and punishing myself for being me was the day I took control over my body. I am now healthy, happy and never hungry
Robyna | the mummy and the minx says
I am all about balance. I think it’s the only way to be sustainable and stay sane!
Seana says
I had a wee rant on my personal blog about being in a hate phase with alcohol… and have been reading comments and it seems most people just don’t have the issues I do…
I need a new normal with the bevvy…. just don’t know whether it has to be complete abstinence (like in 2013) or whether I can drink occasionally without it creeping up. With no perfection, as you are doing.
It’s all about FEELING good physically isn’t it? Weight schmeight… it’s how we feel and esp how we feel when we move our oldcarcasses … so important t keep the old body active… most but not all days.
Kirsty @ My Home Truths says
Go you! We are trying to break our poor food habits too. It’s hard to stop being so permissive with ourselves but I know we need to be firm to succeed. You know the old saying – slow and steady wins the race – you’ve totally got this x
Shari from GoodFoodWeek says
I think we eat a pretty healthy lifestyle – but I’m not about cutting everything from our diets. I think that eating 80% healthy and 20% naughty is a pretty good way to go. I thought it was interesting the other day when I posted a photo on instagram of a milkshake station that Areoplane Jelly sent me – and I commented that I thought it would be really fun to set up for my son’s birthday and someone commented that there was nothing ‘good food’ about it. I know, but I why can’t we have a treat on our birthdays?
Helen K says
Good on you Bron – slow and steady seems really to be the way, shifting mindsets (hard to do) and that intrinsic reward of feeling better – more energised, etc. well, I know the extrinsic approaches haven’t worked for me, anyway.